(Closed) Should I ditch her??

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d be pretty frank with her, and say this:

“Look, I’ve changed the options many, many times so far because of your feedback, and frankly, I’m tired of it. I understand these are not to your taste, but it’s a wedding–when you accepted, you knew that you would be playing on my terms as I did in your wedding X years ago. I hope that you can find a LBD that is rewearable for you as that was my intention. If the cost is too significant for you when you find something you like, or if being an attendant is too much because of my choices, I completely understand and give you the option to back out if you so choose. Otherwise, I’m going to ask that you please refrain from criticizing my decisions and just enjoy our friendship and the wedding itself. Thanks so much for your honesty, but I’ve made my decisions from here on out and hope you can respect that.”

That addresses everything and I guarantee if you say it to her, she’s going to be a bit speechless at first.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I totally agree with the above comment. Sometimes you just have to keep it real or it will ALWAYS be one thing or another.

Post # 5
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I know that on theknot, they say you can NOT unask a Bridesmaid or Best Man……as someone who planned a wedding and as a current Maid/Matron of Honor, I completely disagree. Yes, it doesn’t sound like you should’ve picked her but hey, we all make bad decisions in the excitement of wedding planning. We all make bad decisions when we’re not caught up in that excitement, haha!

I ditto getting rid of her. She doesn’t sound like a good friend, never mind a good Bridesmaid or Best Man, If you sent her a $30 Target dress and she’s still complaining, come on now! $30 for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress – you can’t beat that!

To me, wedding pictures were the most important thing to take away with me from the wedding. I would hate it if I had that reaction “who is this person? i really can’t stand her now!” I didn’t have BMs so I can’t completely understand but I had to make similar decisions regarding inviting family members for the same reason I just gave.

Your wedding is about you and your Fiance, not about her and her feelings. Cut her loose but you don’t have to be mean about it. You can do it in a matter of fact way. Don’t be drawn in by her saying she’ll change, she won’t! GL!

 

Post # 6
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

seriously, who would complain about wearing a LBD?!  I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all happily worn less-than-pleasant Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for a good friend!  

Post # 8
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

hm, i wonder if there is something else going on? maybe she’s jealous? maybe she’s going through a rough patch right now? although whatever it is, the consequences are definitely not nice and i would have been tossing and turning as well! i think it’s good to talk to her about it, but if you are not a particularly confrontational person (i’m not), maybe you could bring it up to her as asking if there is anything going on, you’ve noticed that she hasn’t really been that excited about your wedding, and that you understand it’s not her #1 priority, and just wanted to check in with her.

maybe, if the conversation goes this direction, you could even offer her the option of backing out if things are bad for her right now, and that way you wouldn’t be unasking her, but rather giving her an out. and for your sanity, hopefully she will either buck up and start behaving, or she will take you up on your offer and back out.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You can kick her out without actually kicking her out. Just approach her like Cinema suggested and make those points, with a strong emphasis on “You can drop out if you want to, I completely understand.”

This is guaranteed to accomplish one of two things: 1) she realizes how crappy she’s being and sucks it up from now on or 2) she drops out. Either way, you win. We actually did this with one of FI’s groomsmen who kept complaining about the cost of everything (FI had just been a groomsmen for his wedding and spent over $2,000). He shut right up and is now totally supportive of us.

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s well within your right to tell her she’s being unreasonable. Cinema’s advice above was pretty spot on. You’re not a “bridezilla” because you’re picking dresses for your BMs. That kind of comes with the territory, as she should know considering she put you in something hideous. I’m sure you didn’t complain to her or make her life difficult. She owes you the same respect and if you’re not getting it you need to stick up for yourself. If she thinks you’re going ‘zilla because of that, do you really care what her opinion of you is? She’s the one acting wack so her opinion doesn’t count for much IMO.

Post # 11
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have recently gone through a similar situation. I too have a Bridesmaid or Best Man that I felt obligated to include in the party and I am not extremely close to anymore… or really ever. I had thought about giving her the option but I knew that she would be really hurt. I think she is the type of person who just isn’t girly and doesn’t get excited about things. ANYWAY!

After a lot of tossing and turning myself and talking to Mom we came up with the solution of making it a 2 step process. I first emailed her just saying pretty much “Is everythng okay? I’ve noticed some distance between us lately and wanted to make sure I didn’t do something to upset you or is there something else going on right now with you?” something to that effect. I’m glad I shot this email first because turns out there was a lot going on with her and she took full responsibility for not being good at balancing her friendships with what else was going on. I think she would have been blindsided if I just gave her the option to not be in the weddding.

Maybe first see if something is going on and if she continues to act this way after you’ve reached out– ditch the b**ch. 🙂 Good luck!!

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