Post # 1
My husband SERIOUSLY, seriously thinks something is wrong with me because he believes every word his mother and sister say.They don’t like me because they can’t control me– I’m not the puppet they wanted my husband to marry.
I didn’t have a flower girl and he thinks I’m an (buthole) because I didn’t, and he never spoke up about it until after– when his mom and sister complained.They especially don’t like when my husband leaves their side to stand by mine. That is usually what gets them to fly off the handle, saying I was being rude by not talking enough when I talked plenty, saying I am too pale and look weird, and just being totally absurd!The list goes on.
I can’t win. I am under a microscope.
Is this reason enough to divorce? He will always side with them. And family functions with them are terrible, his sister is always sending him death glares if he is by my side.
It is sick.
Been going to marriage counseling. He refuses to go. I can’t stand this anymore, it’s like he’s under a spell. He truly believes them no matter what absurd thing they choose to complain about. Suddenly I’m wrong for all these things I know he would never care about otherwise.
Post # 3
It sounds like you have a big problem and Fiance doesn’t want to put work into it to make it better…if you aren’t happy, then you need to do something about, whatever that may be. I don’t think anybody on here can tell you whether divorce is the right solution, but I definitely think you have an issue that needs to be dealt with in some manner. Good luck and keep your head up!
Post # 4
Oh no, it sounds like such a terrible situation. Was it like this before the wedding? If you tell him you’ve considered divorce over it, would that convince him to go to counseling?
Post # 5
If he won’t go to counseling and puts his mommy and sissy over his wife, leave him in the dust.I grew up in a house where my dad’s parents manipulated him to oblivion and he didn’t always stand up for my mom….you do not want to be in a marriage like this if he is not going to change.
He sounds like a real peach, criticizing you and belittling you. Was he like this before you were married?
Post # 6
*Hugs* This is a tough situation. From your post, it sounds like you two have talked about these issues, but he doesn’t think there’s a problem and won’t work on changing. Problems like this don’t just pop up out of nowhere, was he like this before you married? Or has anything major happened with family to spark this?
Post # 7
I maybe wouldn’t have married this man, but I don’t think it’s cause for a divorce YET.
Your Darling Husband and you need to have some long conversations and he needs to choose between you two.
Post # 8
Sounds like you know whats best !
Just curious…did you find this out after marriage? Or did you just think once you were married the dynamics would change?
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
It’s a reason to get counseling.
Post # 10
Thank you so much for writing all…
It took me a while to realize that I am not the problem, and although people I reached out to for support told me that I was not, I knew for sure after the wedding and epseically after I went to counseling and also spoke to a priest.
Things really got bad surrounding the wedding and after. Before that it was the nitpicky stuff. Now I see for certain just how manipulated he is.
There are other issues that are related to this that I did think would change due to the natural progression that should come with marraige, but that did not happen.
I come here asking about this because I go back and forth, back and forth about what to do, I am curious about how bad just ONE of our issues is and I have to say this one hurts the most. (another issue is his mother enmeshment, which like I said is related to this) This issue makes me feel so alone and like the world is against me, you know?
Post # 11
i’m trying to figure out how you got married to this person knowing he would never put you first.
i’d start with counseling.
Post # 12
I went back and read some of the old threads you’ve started and YIKES!! This family situation is terrible. I hate to see people divorcing left and right, I think a lot of people throw in the towel too easily and don’t work through things anymore. That being said… your situation is NOT good and if you don’t see it changing I would not continue in the marriage. It seems like you hate his family and they hate you and think about years ahead if you guys decide to have children how awful it will be. This is one of my favorite quotes and I think it is fitting for your situation “Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with”. Good luck to you girly I really do feel for you.
Post # 13
Wow. Well, I can tell you that if my husband behaved this way and didn’t acknowledge my feelings/that this is a problem and continually put his own nuclear family above our own then yes, I would divorce hm.
Post # 14
If he refuses to go to counseling then file.
Post # 15
Do not ever ever ever EVER EVER expect your partner to change (for the better) after marriage. If there are serious issues that you have concerns about prior to marriage, MARRIAGE WILL NOT IMPROVE THEM.
And while it sounds like the husband is being manipulated, he is also a grown man capable of making his own bad decisions. Which it is clear he is doing.
To echo a PP, DO NOT bring children into this environment until this situation is rectified.
Post # 16
I would probably come right out with it and say, “Why did you marry me? You clearly don’t respect my opinion on anything, you let your family say whatever they want about me and never stand up for me, even when it’s things I have no control over. So why, when you so clearly think so much of their opinion, did you marry me when they obviously can’t stand me? Remember this: they may have been your family for longer, but you CHOSE me as your family. And if you’re not going to acknowledge that and treat me with equal respect, but instead just keep passing on your mother and sister’s ridiculous insults like they’re fact, then this is no longer a marriage and I’m not going to stick around and take the abuse. I signed up for a husband, not a puppet.”
I’m pretty sure he knows to some extent that they manipulate him, and that’s why he doesn’t want to go to counseling. I’m not much for ultimatums but in this case I think you need to stress to him just how ready you are to walk away. If he still refuses to see someone, I’d move out and give yourself some alone time to figure out how you want to proceed. Maybe he’ll come around once he sees you’re serious. If not…then he’s a spineless idiot who doesn’t deserve you.