Should I divorce my husband because he NEVER stands up to his family?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like you have a big problem and Fiance doesn’t want to put work into it to make it better…if you aren’t happy, then you need to do something about, whatever that may be. I don’t think anybody on here can tell you whether divorce is the right solution, but I definitely think you have an issue that needs to be dealt with in some manner. Good luck and keep your head up!

Post # 4
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh no, it sounds like such a terrible situation.  Was it like this before the wedding?  If you tell him you’ve considered divorce over it, would that convince him to go to counseling?

Post # 5
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

If he won’t go to counseling and puts his mommy and sissy over his wife, leave him in the dust.I grew up in a house where my dad’s parents manipulated him to oblivion and he didn’t always stand up for my mom….you do not want to be in a marriage like this if he is not going to change.

He sounds like a real peach, criticizing you and belittling you. Was he like this before you were married?

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

*Hugs* This is a tough situation. From your post, it sounds like you two have talked about these issues, but he doesn’t think there’s a problem and won’t work on changing. Problems like this don’t just pop up out of nowhere, was he like this before you married? Or has anything major happened with family to spark this?

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I maybe wouldn’t have married this man, but I don’t think it’s cause for a divorce YET.

Your Darling Husband and you need to have some long conversations and he needs to choose between you two.

Post # 8
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sounds like you know whats best !

Just curious…did you find this out after marriage? Or did you just think once you were married the dynamics would change?

 

Post # 9
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

It’s a reason to get counseling.

Post # 11
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

i’m trying to figure out how you got married to this person knowing he would never put you first.

i’d start with counseling.

Post # 12
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I went back and read some of the old threads you’ve started and YIKES!! This family situation is terrible.  I hate to see people divorcing left and right, I think a lot of people throw in the towel too easily and don’t work through things anymore.  That being said… your situation is NOT good and if you don’t see it changing I would not continue in the marriage.  It seems like you hate his family and they hate you and think about years ahead if you guys decide to have children how awful it will be.  This is one of my favorite quotes and I think it is fitting for your situation “Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with”.  Good luck to you girly I really do feel for you.

Post # 13
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Wow. Well, I can tell you that if my husband behaved this way and didn’t acknowledge my feelings/that this is a problem and continually put his own nuclear family above our own then yes, I would divorce hm.

Post # 14
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

If he refuses to go to counseling then file. 

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Do not ever ever ever EVER EVER expect your partner to change (for the better) after marriage. If there are serious issues that you have concerns about prior to marriage, MARRIAGE WILL NOT IMPROVE THEM.

And while it sounds like the husband is being manipulated, he is also a grown man capable of making his own bad decisions. Which it is clear he is doing.

To echo a PP, DO NOT bring children into this environment until this situation is rectified.

Post # 16
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would probably come right out with it and say, “Why did you marry me? You clearly don’t respect my opinion on anything, you let your family say whatever they want about me and never stand up for me, even when it’s things I have no control over. So why, when you so clearly think so much of their opinion, did you marry me when they obviously can’t stand me? Remember this: they may have been your family for longer, but you CHOSE me as your family. And if you’re not going to acknowledge that and treat me with equal respect, but instead just keep passing on your mother and sister’s ridiculous insults like they’re fact, then this is no longer a marriage and I’m not going to stick around and take the abuse. I signed up for a husband, not a puppet.”

I’m pretty sure he knows to some extent that they manipulate him, and that’s why he doesn’t want to go to counseling. I’m not much for ultimatums but in this case I think you need to stress to him just how ready you are to walk away. If he still refuses to see someone, I’d move out and give yourself some alone time to figure out how you want to proceed. Maybe he’ll come around once he sees you’re serious. If not…then he’s a spineless idiot who doesn’t deserve you.

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