Post # 1
I know its traditional to have the groom take your garter off and toss it to the single guys and for me to throw my bouquet to the single ladies, but i dont know if i really want to or should. Almost everyone we invited are already married except for 4 women and 4 men. Should i still do it? Is it rude or weird to not do it? Also, if i do, do i buy a bouquet just for that? Does whoever catches it keep it or do they give it back?
Post # 3
We aren’t doing either for similar reasons – – everyone is either already married or if they aren’t, would likely not be interested in participating.
My florists ALWAYS provides a tossing bouquet, whether you plan to do this or not. He told me that he was once walking into a reception just as the bride was getting ready to hurl a massive thousand dollar cascading bouquet over her shoulder and was horrified (he loves flowers like some people love their pets). He asked her shortly afterwards why she did that when she had told him she wasn’t doing a bouquet toss and she told him she was “talked into it”. From that day, he’s always thrown in a tossing bouquet for free regardless if the bride plans to incorporate that into the wedding or not.
Post # 4
Oh, and as to whether it’s rude to not do it, unless everyone is quite young, and sometimes even if they are, many people find being singled out as “single” and the implication that they would want to be next awkward and uncomfortable.
Post # 5
We are doing it, but we are going to be giving away a special gift to whoever catches each.. that way everyone can get involved.
Post # 6
@SeaSalt: Yep, I was always one of those people who hated being singled out at weddings for the bouquet toss. If I was forced to go up, I always stood in the back and barely moved.
I was never that crazy about the tradition, but what really put the nail in the coffin on the idea (at least for me) was a wedding I was at about 12 years ago. The woman who caught the bouquet was a 40-something divorcee and the guy who caught the garter was a 16 year-old kid who didn’t know her. She actually expected him to put that garter on all the way up her leg and kept lifting up her skirt and physically pushing him to do so. He was clearly so embarrassed and all the guests at my table were horrified. I vowed… never at my wedding.
OP: As for if people expect it at a wedding, I guess people do, but I don’t think anyone would be disappointed for not seeing it done. You’re definitely not “required” but if you want to do it, go for it.
Post # 7
@emmanneliza: That poor kid, that’s just awful!
Post # 8
We’re doing both because I like it and think they’re cute traditions (regardless of whatever the reason is for the garter toss), but I agree that no one’s going to notice if you don’t do it. In fact, I also really like the idea of doing the dance with all married couples and gradually decrease the couples on the dance floor based on how many years they’ve been married until the only couple remaining are the couple who have been married the longest and they get the bouquet.
Post # 9
I personally think it’s weird to do them. I’ve been a “single” girl at weddings before and everyone was urging me to participate on the bouquet toss…I always felt it was awkward (I’m not one to believe in superstitions so I didn’t really get the point). And then for your husband to go up your dress and take a garter off your leg in front of everyone…eh not for me.
I won’t be doing either. Bouquet toss mainly because I’m doing a brooch bouquet and you can’t exactly toss that. Also b/c of similair reasons to you, not too many of our guests are single anyways.
Post # 10
You don’t have to do the garter toss or the bouquet toss if you don’t want to. I really can’t imagine anyone being all put out because they missed the garter toss or the bouquet toss… they are there to celebrate your wedding, not participate in a game.
We’re not doing a garter toss because I find the entire thing just..um…not classy. FI agrees, and both of our families are pretty conservative so I don’t think anyone will be offended that we didn’t do it. LOL.
I’m trying to figure out a different way to do the bouquet toss. We are having a small wedding and also there will be very few single ladies there… seems weird to toss it and only have 3 people to try and catch it. I’ve heard of doing a gift-certificate bouquet or a money bouquet and tossing it to the crowd at large, but this could either come off as tacky or a nice bonus for a guest at your wedding.
Post # 11
We had orginally planned to do both. We have the toss bouquet and toss garter but decided against it at the last minute. We had a pretty small wedding and most people were married besides a couple of bridesmaids and groomsmen!
Post # 12
Not engaged yet, but the recent weddings my bf and I have gone to had them. When he saw how the men acted with the garter he was really turned off to the idea and asked that we not include that in our reception. I think its a bit awkward even though it is a tradition. If most of the people attending your reception aren’t single I guess there isn’t really a reason to do it. Some people probably wouldn’t even know it’s missing lol
Post # 13
I think weare going to end up doing them, just because when I was younger I always enjoyed the chance to catch a beautiful bouquet.
But I do think we are going to modify the garter tradition a bit. I don’t think there’s anything more awkward than the groom’s 13-year-old nephew putting the garter on the upper thigh of one of the bride’s university friends.
Post # 14
If you search other threads there have been some other really good ideas on this topic. My florist also always provides a throwaway bouquet in her quote but I negotiated with her to not have the throwaway and instead provide an arrangement of fresh flowers for my wedding cake.
By doing this I saved $200 on my wedding cake. I am 37 yrs, almost the last of my friends to be married and always hated the bouquet toss- I found it tacky and embarrassing.
Another bride has suggested that instead, you could give your “throwaway” or another bouquet to the couple who has been married the longest at your wedding. I have decided to get an extra bouquet and do this at my wedding and give my Mum my actual wedding bouquet since my Fiance and I will be leaving on honeymoon the next day.
Post # 15
@iluvmy67cuda: We aren’t doing either of them. I am also axing the cake cutting and opting for a sweet and salty table. In place of the bouquet and garter toss I am going to honor my parents by playing their wedding first dance song, it’s a surprise =) I feel like as brides we have enough to keep us busy all night long. The less structure to the night the more time we have to talk to our family and friends that are there to celebrate the day with us.
Post # 16
I have ALWAYS been creeped out by the garter toss. I often imagined sitting in a chair infront of all those people while the DJ played some sort of quasi-porno music and my new husband head/hands first up my dress-peeling off a garter to fling into a crowd of guests… infront of my grandparents hahaha….classy! I know it’s a tradition but there are MANY tacky/outdated/money grabbing traditions that no longer need to be observed.
We decided to do an intimate wedding with only immediate family members and very close friends and this made the decision to nix the cheesy traditions even easier.