Post # 1
Hello. Im considering dropping out of my cousins wedding as a bridesmaid and I’m just curious about what you all think.
I recently broke up with my fiance of 6 years a month ago. This has been the most devastating thing that I have ever experienced and honestly it’s a day to day thing for me. My cousin and I both got engaged a couple months apart last year and both our weddings were to take place about 22 days from each other.
I feel so terrible thinking about not being in her wedding as I did promise her a while back that I would. But recently Ive been getting anxiety over just thinking about her wedding and now Im not sure if it’s the best thing for me to be in it. When my fiance and I broke up I was extremely distraught. And of course as soon as I was beginning to make it a day without crying he calls me up on New Years and now i think we’ve parted on even worse terms. I feel like its day after all over again and Im a basketcase. Any thought of a wedding just brings me to tears and I know this is going to take time to heal.
I did go to a bridal brunch for her two weeks after I broke up and it was horrible. I sucked it up though and kept telling myself that I am happy for her (which i am) and that I will be supportive no matter what for her big day. I drove home in tears (it also didnt help that I had to travel right though my exs neighborhood)
Anyway I know my cousin wants to do dress fittings this month and It makes me feel like I’d sooner jump off a bridge. I am so afraid that if I stay in her bridal party that come her big day I will be an emotional mess for all the wrong reasons. I cant even think about planning a bachelorette party or shower as it just reminds me of what I should have been planning for myself. I know this seems selfish but I just cant get these thoughts out of my head.
I am considering emailing her tonight so that I dont waste another day of her time and ensure she doesnt order anything for me. I really do feel horrible for doing this but i dont know what else to do right now. I want to offer her any other help that she may need or want for the wedding but being part of it seems so painful right now.
Post # 3
I think that as much as it might be hard for her, you need to take care of your mental help. Offering to still help is a great idea, but it might be best to step aside– that way if you need a moment to yourself during the wedding or feel you really want to leave a bit early it wouldn’t be so much of a faux pas.
I’m sorry to hear about your engagement. I hope things get better and that you have the support of friends and family at this time.
Post # 4
You should be honest with her. Without a doubt. I am sure she will understand! If it is painful to be at a wedding or wedding related things, then there is no point inflicting damage upon yourself for the sake of someone else.
I’m sorry to hear of what happened, I can’t begin to imagine how it feels…
Post # 5
I’m sorry to hear about your broken engagement. I sincerely hope you find peace and happiness. With that said, I think you should just be honest with the bride. She should understand and be supportive of your decision. It will be alot harder on her if you wait until last minute to decide you just can’t do it and drop out. Just tell her what you told us and then take care of yourself. I have been through a broken engagement and I know first hand how difficult and traumatic it can be. Do what’s best for you. When it’s all said and done the bride will still have her day and she’ll still be happy. So focus on getting yourself happy. Best wishes, darling.
Post # 6
@waitingtobeamrs: So sorry to hear about your engagement. I can’t imagine how hard it is. Do you think perhaps you should wait a little bit before you make that decision? It sounds like it is very fresh and understandably all consuming…right now. I agree with PPs in that you should go to your cousin as a friend. Tell her that it is very hard for you right now and you are going to try your hardest to be there for her AND take care of yourself. I see your date was set for October so I’m assuming hers is in the fall too. Maybe some time will help you heal? I just don’t want you to regret your choice when the day comes.
This is just my opinion. In the end, you do what is best for YOU and YOUR mental health!
Post # 7
I agree with PP. This must be so hard and if doing all this wedding stuff is just too painful, you should tell her and drop out. I’m sure she will understand.
Post # 8
I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.
I agree with everyone that you need to do what’s best for you. If you and your cousin are close I’m sure she will understand–though she will also be disappointed.
I second @Mars62312: I think you should give this some time before you decide. It’s all very fresh right now. Perhaps you could tell your cousin how difficult all of this is for you and see if she’d be willing to wait a bit before dress fittings?
Here’s the thing: This is a really difficult time for you, and it’s hard to get perspective. In five or ten or twenty years, when you look back, will you regret dropping out and feel guilty/sad that you weren’t a part of it, or will you be confident that you did the best thing under the circumstances? If you can say with confidence that you won’t regret it, then go ahead and drop out. But if you aren’t sure, see if she’ll wait for a while before ordering your dress and let you process things and come to a decision.
So sorry again to hear of what you’re going through. I hope the new year brings you lots of healing and lots of joy.
Post # 9
Aww, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I agree, you should tell her asap. I’m sure she will understand. All the best to you as you go through the healing process.
Post # 10
First of all, big hugs for you and I simply could not imagine.
My advice would be not e-mail but pick up the phone and talk to her instead. It may be confronting for you but if anything it will help you heal to talk to her about it and how you are feeling and just suggest if the dress fittings can be delayed for a while. The key here is to TALK, TALK TALK.
I wouldn’t make a hastly decision about dropping out just yet, the wedding is still far off and as other posters have mentioned, you certainly dont want to look back and regret not being part of it.
Best of luck to you.
Post # 11
I agree with bridetobe7844. Pick up the phone and call your cousin. You’re having a hard time right now, and you need some space from the kinds of activities that will undoubtedly be a part of her planning. If in time you feel better, you could volunteer to help with details and consider attending her wedding as a guest. Until that time, mental and emotional recovery need to be top priority.
Post # 12
How far off is the wedding? Is it possible that you just need to take a break from wedding stuff for now but once you’ve had a little more time will be able to participate on the actual day?
Post # 13
Be frank to yourelf and your cousin as well/ Tell her how terrible you feel now. I think she will understand you. And don’t feel sad that I know your feeling when I broke up with my bf, I think I will die without him. But time tells me my life is still nice without him. I believe you can do this. Don’t think more. It’s uselessfull to release your pain. Hope you will feel better and be happy again.
Post # 14
thank you to all who wrote me. I spoke with my cousin and told her i couldnt be a part of her wedding anymore and she completely understood and said that she only wanted me to be comfortable on her big day and as long as i was there thats all that matters. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful cousin. I feel so much better and feel like when her day comes i can be happy and shed some tears for the right reason. Thanks again.
Post # 15
I’m so glad you got it straightened out.
After my broken engagement I broke down in tears at both a wedding and a wedding shower, It was so awful and I couldn’t handle either so I had to leave both early. I completely know how you feel. ANYTHING wedding related will be difficult for you for a while. BUT the good news is that it WILL get better in time.
Hang in there. Everything happens for a reason and you will find that special someone some day. 🙂