(Closed) Should I elope? I fear I'll regret it

posted 4 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Mmm, I am not loving the big reception in 3-5 years idea.  By then the ship has sailed. I’m in the camp that you get one day, one event so make it count.  It seems you really want the big celebration with all the traditions so why put it off?  Wedding or elopement, there will still be family drama. I’m eloping, I would know.

Post # 4
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I can’t answer until you give some further detail. When you say you can (-ish) afford this wedding what exactly does that mean? Will you be taking out a loan, putting any part of it on credit, using savings or emergency funds? Or is it that you can comfortably pay for the larger wedding now with money to spare?

Post # 5
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I really wanted to elope to save money and family drama but DH wanted traditional wedding day. It was really important to him so I caved. But we had a very reasonably priced wedding and cut down on a lot of costs. I will be honest and say that I’m really happy we had a traditional wedding. There was still family drama. Financially speaking, yes we could have used that money elsewhere, but we saved for 2 years so we didn’t take out a loan. The day was amazing and filled with lovely moments/experiences with all our friends and family that I’m so glad to have. So to me looking back on our day, it was definitely worth the money.

Post # 6
Member
705 posts
Busy bee

What part of the big wedding do you want? If it’s about the cake and the festivities, you can do that for a anniversary party later on.

I think you can have a nice elopment with a dress you love in a beautiful location followed by a nice honeymoon. I think big weddings are wonderful, but when they mean going into debt and spending to the point where you have to sacrifice things like a down payment for a home, then it’s a bad idea. I vote for elopement with a party later.  If what you really want is for family and friends to be there, then have a wedding with the guests and have a less expensive reception.

Post # 7
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

OP, I’ve interpreted your post as you want the big wedding but are considering to settle for an elopement even though you have recognized a number of things you would regret.  If you felt a wedding that was without dancing or the typical traditions was less wedding like then surely you will be disappointed with an elopement.  I’m of the mindset that you should go with your gut but also plan the wedding you can afford.  This may require some cost reduction and sacrifice but don’t give up your wedding all together.

I’m eloping because I didn’t want the big wedding or the typical traditions and I do not feel I will have any regrets with my decision.

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I eloped in May and I agree with j9marie that there is family drama either way and some guilt…it seems unavoidable with weddings sadly.

In the end I don’t regret eloping. We could have afforded a big wedding but it felt weird to spend so much money on one event…especially since I personally don’t like being the center of attention and we wanted the day to be really intimate. And every time I tried to start planning a full sized wedding I got overwhelmed by the logistics and complications.

We decided since we were going to elope we might as well do it somewhere really cool and beautiful, so we ended up saying our vows overseas in Bali with our two childhood best friends. I was worried, too, that it would feel anticlimatic and like not a big deal. I went into it thinking that honestly. But that actually took some of the stress off and it turned out to be way more special than I could have possibly imagined. I still had a proper wedding dress, I still ordered flowers and a boutineer. We still had an awesome photographer. We still did a “first look” that made my husband cry with happiness. We had incredibly sweet vows with tons of happy tears and we still had a first dance. We had a fun week abroad with our friends followed by a 2 week honeymoon when they left. All for a fraction of what we calculated a full size wedding would have cost us.

A couple months later we had a backyard party at my parent’s house with both our immediate families, cut a big chocolate cake, had toasts, a nice dinner, a slideshow of the eleopment photos running in the background, and everyone seemed to have a lovely time.

I’m not saying this choice is for everyone, I just wanted to share how it went for us. If you have a vision for a big wedding, are up for the planning, and can do it without going into debt or anything, you should make it happen! I don’t think any wedding solution is perfect or stress-free, I would just encourage every bride to do what she truly wants…which unfortunately is easier said than done.

Best of luck, keep us posted! And congratulations! xo

Post # 9
Member
10393 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
teeleigh :  

Just popping  by to say your wedding  sounded  lovely ! 

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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mtlgirl :  Reading your post it’s obvious to me that you want a big wedding. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t have one. Maybe try for a smaller guest list to cut costs or something like that. I don’t think you’d feel the same way having a big reception in 5 yrs. As you said, that won’t be your “real” wedding.

Elopement works for a lot of people, but from your pros and cons list in your post it doesn’t sounds like something you’d be happy with. I say go with your gut on this one. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
mtlgirl :  I just came back from my elopement and I don’t regret it at all. We went to Hawaii just us two with no guests. I would say definitely get a good photographer  and bring your fancy dress. I had two wedding gowns  were really dressy and I didn’t care about wearing them on the beach.  I wanted to feel like a bride even though I wasn’t having a reception.  My mother-in-law threw us this giant barbecue  at her house before we went away.  and had it catered and it was so nice. I think that if I were to do it again I would’ve hired someone to help carry my dress and hold my bouquet when I walked around during the pictures but other than that I don’t have any regrets. It was all about me and my husband and I having fun. 

Post # 12
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We eloped and I am very happy with the decision. However, I have never dreamed of a big wedding and don’t have any desire to spend that kind of money. I would rather save it to spend on traveling! However, it is up to your priorities and what is important to you. Like the PP mentioned–getting a great photographer is key!! 

Post # 13
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m eloping. I never thought I would but our families suck. LOL. Its about what you and your fiancee want.

 

Post # 14
Member
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It seems very clear to me that you want a big wedding! Rather than giving up totally on your dream, I’d try to accomodate it. Crunch the numbers, do your research for bargains, decide what you can compromise on or do away with, etc. Also, what do you mean by ‘big’? Like are we talking 80 or 300? Because there is definitely some middle ground between ‘elope’ and ‘invite everyone we know’ 🙂

I personally don’t think having a reception 5 years later comes anywhere near having a reception on the day. I agree with a PP who said the ship has sailed by then. Having wedding celebrations when you already got married 5 years ago is kind of random… that wouldn’t be something I would consider. Besides, it’s not like in 5 years it will be cheaper. 

Post # 15
Member
7809 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I agree with PPs. There’s nothing wrong with eloping if that’s what a person wants. But you DON’T want that; you’ve said so yourself. You are half-heartedly trying to convince yourself that it would be okay if you did, and that’s a clear sign that you would NOT be okay with it. You want a bigger, more traditional wedding, and there’s nothing wrong with that. No one – including yourself, it seems – will be that excited about a party to celebrate your wedding five years after the fact, and attendance would likely be much lower than it would be for the wedding. By that time, the wedding ship has sailed. It will be worth it to have the wedding now and not elope. Like you said, as far as family drama goes, there will always be plenty of that to go around, regardless of what you do. 

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