(Closed) Should I end my engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I end my engagement?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 2
    Member
    9575 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    In short- I think your guy is full of shit and would be a horrible husband and father. Who cares what he wants. Be glad he never let you send those invites out and get outta there.

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    2570 posts
    Sugar bee

    Sounds like you should end this if you want to be married.  I think he does want to be with you but the idea of marriage freaks him out.sorry you are going through this 🙁

    Post # 4
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    Sounds like this is a done deal. I’d move out and I’d be very upset. He led you along while you planned two weddings. If he didn’t want these things then he should have said so. How hurtful and immature. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1552 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow. The whole point of getting engaged is to get married in the foreseeable future. You’re not being selfish, he is. I would either leave entirely, or call off the engagement until he initiates wedding planning, as in making deposits on a venue, caterer, etc. And for goodness sake, getting you a ring. Not for the purpose of having a material item, but a tangible piece of evidence that he really wants to get married.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    If you have to ask, you already know the answer.

    He is saying the things he thinks you want to hear to keep you but he doesn’t really want to be married I don’t think.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3878 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I feel like you need to be able to depend on the person you are married to, and your Fiance is clearly not dependable. In fact, he doesn’t seem to care about whars important to you at all. I would ditch him.  You deserve better. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    NervousNellie:  It sounds like he is not ready to get married. Maybe he wants to be with you, but has fears (maybe only semi-conscious ones) that as soon as he gets married your relationship will implode just like his previous marriage. So he keeps putting the brakes on actual plans. It’s definitely not rational, but emotions usually aren’t. I’d say calmly and compassionately bring this to his attention, and ask him if he is harboring fears of marriage because of his prior experience. Even if he doesn’t think so, or isn’t sure, it could help open the discussion of this possibility. In the mean time, stop planning and make sure your relationship with him is solid and you’re both on the same page before proceeding further. Seek counselling if you think it could be beneficial.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7161 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    End the engagement. He sounds like a sociopath and a pathological liar… he does not sound committed, and likely emotionally abusive. He gives you enough to string you along, and then takes it away so you settle for less.  Cut off all ties.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    10351 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

    View original reply
    NervousNellie:  Oh.my.gosh. My dear girl, he does not want to marry you. Regardless of what he *occasionally* says, his actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to marry you, he would put in effort and definitely wouldn’t freak out during the planning process. This should be a time when you’re both ecstatically planning away at your future together. Instead you put in loads of work, he backpeddles, and the scenario repeats. This would be a deal breaker for me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7426 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think he is stringing you along. I’d leave him in the dust.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5362 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2016

    you deserve better!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    NervousNellie:  I don’t like him at all. You deserve way better!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1083 posts
    Bumble bee

    He does not sound interested in marriage and sounds emotionally abusive and is looking for excuses. (My parents are involved in my life and they didn’t pay for my wedding) it is pompous for him to believe that your family would pay for your wedding even if they were active in your life. He does not want to get married, and he is creating a catch 22 to get out of it: I won’t pay for anything, because your family should do. that just leaves you to pay for it, and he won’t marry you if you pay for it. So does he expect money to magically appear? That type of stuff doesn’t happen….thus, he is creating a situation that he will never have to marry you. Leave. Fast. Run.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11385 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    A little glimpse into why his first marriage may have ended ” so badly”: He’s a child. 

    No matter what he says,the real point is that he has not taken your feelings and needs into account once in this process. that is unacceptable. 

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