(Closed) Should I end my engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I end my engagement?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 31
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    As difficult as this may be, you need to end this. If he’s not willing to commit now, even with a simple ring, he’s not going to be fully committed to you or your future children. Leaving him will be ine of hand hardest things you’ve ever done, but your future is at stake, as well as your future children’s. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    View original reply
    Miss Apricot:  ooh I missed that, thanks! I was genuinely concerned that someone could read that post and think it was a good idea to stay!

    Post # 33
    Member
    1378 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

    WOW!  I can not believe that a grown man would pull this kind of bs.  You definitely need to decide if this is how you want to live your life and raise YOUR child on your own because I doubt he would even buy diapers.   I wish you the very best you deserve. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee

    End the relationship and move on. You are wasting your time. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    NervousNellie:  I am so sorry for you. You deserve more than this. The thing is, though, that we get the kind of behavior that we accept. We don’t automatically get what we deserve from every guy. We do get what we accept. I am extremely happy with my fiance who treats me wonderfully, but I have also been in unhappy relationships with men who didn’t treat me as well. It wasn’t that I deserved it, but that I wasn’t standing up for myself enough and making it clear that I must be treated well. Once I figured out what I wanted and needed, I stopped asking for it and started looking for a man who wanted to give it to me – on his own.

    Your relationship sounds extremely unhappy. You sound lovely. I really hope you leave and find someone who will never put you through this. You seem remarkably together, but given your traumatic past of abandonment I think you should consider meeting with a psychologist to discuss how your past might have guided you into an unhealhy situation. Then you can figure out what you need to do to be happy in your next relationship. I wish you the best 

    Post # 36
    Member
    282 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m so sad for you and I’m sorry for everything you’re going through! My DH took a long time to finally decide to marry me but it was always him saying it was because he wasn’t sure for himself. So I had to be patient. It doesn’t seem like this is the case. I also wanted to say that I have the same family situation as you! And my DH was always worried about how they treated me but he always respected whatever I felt for them at the time. your SO doesn’t seem to care much about how you feel about anything and how rough this is on you. I saw a post that said “run!” And while I agree that you need to move on you also need to do what’s emotionally safe and stable for you! Especially knowing your family background- make sure you can make enough money to be on your own or find a place to stay for a year with a friend or your family members who fostered you so you can finish your degree and figure out life on your own with support from people who love you. Try to stay level headed and get YOURSELF in a good position no matter what happens. And I noticed you asked “should I end the engagement” sounds to me like he ended it awhile ago 🙁 

    Post # 37
    Member
    552 posts
    Busy bee

    You need to leave now hun this will not end well ….this is not a good man..you deserve so much better

    Post # 38
    Member
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    So sorry, stay strong. At this point, he’s full of it. You’re in school and bring strung along whole planning a wedding??? Too stressful! Leave now! 

    Post # 39
    Member
    11278 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    There is no engagement to end.  He doesn’t want to marry you & he’s a complete jerk.  You’ll be very lucky to have him out of your hair.

    Post # 40
    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I hope that you have realized after reading your own post OP, that this is all about HIM. He wanted a big wedding, you planned a big wedding. Then he wanted a small wedding, you planned a small wedding. He never consulted you about EITHER of these choices. Then YOUR family and friends weren’t allowed to come but HIS were. Then he didn’t want to spend money on an engagement ring that you will potentially wear for the rest of your life, just because. But he goes out and buys all the things HE wants. Now HE doesn’t really want to get married, regardless of what he tells you. He doesn’t. And you’re giving him the excuse of his past marriage being bad, and allowing him to continue to act like a child.

    DO NOT put your name on ANY type of housing or other contract with this man, unless he is serious about marrying you, and puts a ring on your finger to SHOW you that he means it. (For the record, I don’t think that you should stay with this guy AT ALL, I am mostly trying to warn you against buying a house with someone you are “engaged” to without any compromising on his end.)

    DO NOT have children with this man. He has shown you time and again how SELFISH he is. Someone who is that selfish will not put their children first.

    Post # 41
    Member
    13653 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    What a jerk. Please just leave him and don’t look back, even if he changes his mind under pressure.  It’s not about being willing to be with him, married or not, it’s about the blatant and repeated total disregard and disrespect he has for you and your feelings. If he’s capable of this now, it will likely translate to all aspects of your life  and only get worse. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee

    Honey, you are NOT engaged–he will NEVER marry you.

     

    Just what do you see in this prince that makes him husband material to you?

    Post # 43
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Maybe he is scared of getting married after the first was a mess and he might be scared you’ll change if you marry so it might not be that he doesn’t want you.

    You got to talk seriously tell him your thinking about quitting engagement because you don’t think he wants to marry.

    I would have quit when he said he wouldn’t help but that’s me.

    Post # 44
    Member
    1882 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    OP, you only have 1 “NO” response out of 160+, and that one person explained it was a mistake! The bees almost never agree on anything, so a unanimous answer is pretty telling here.

    Are you being honest with your friends and family about how he is treating you? If I told my parents or my besties my man was behaving this way, they would be showing up at my door and making me pack my bags to leave!

    Post # 45
    Member
    2200 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m sorry, sometimes that initial “love at first sight” fizzles out when you get to know the person. (And sometimes it sizzles and you find out the first impression was right and you’re crazy for each other) I am baffled by this guy repeatedly telling you that you aren’t important enough for him to spend even a little on an engagement ring or to marry you. I think some of this is excuses but not wanting to pay for an engagement ring sounds like he’s pushing you away. Does every guy WANT to spend money on an enagement ring … probably not, but they are supposed to WANT to do something special that makes you happy and this guy doesn’t care. I just can’t even imagine how that conversation would go where he says “I don’t want to spend any money buying you an engagement ring” and you just say okay.

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