Should I end the engagement

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
  • poll: Should I leave

    Give it some time

    Leave now

    I would stay

  • Post # 2
    Member
    7190 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    If anything, you would let your parents down by marrying a man who cheats and lies. You would let everyone invited down by having a wedding that you knew was a mistake and then wondered how long to stay married in misery before leaving. If you are worried about what others will think, don’t get married and then divorced a year or less later.

    Breaking an engagement doesn’t happen too often for anyone, but it is FAR preferable to having a wedding that you knew was a mistake. You deserve better than this, and I would hope that your parents, family and friends would agree with me.

    Post # 3
    Member
    9396 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    tsanchez80 :  

    If there had been an option for ‘tell him exactly how  you feel and that unless there is a change you fear you  have to terminate the engagement‘ I would have voted for  that. 

    I note that you say you don’t even talk about your concern at no wedding planning . Well,  I think you should, he seems not to  be the only one at fault   here re communication issues.  

    Post # 4
    Member
    6919 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Your gut is SCREAMING at you to get out of this. Why are you asking internet strangers what to do? You already know. Your own BODY doesn’t want him. Listen to yourself. Also, listen to him. He doesn’t want to marry you. He won’t discuss plans and is talking to other women.

    And I cannot imagine that your parents are so traditional that they want you to marry someone and be miserable. 

    End it. Find someone who treats you well or find a way to be happy and successful on your own.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Take your pick: broken engagement or divorce. I’m so sorry but I don’t see any other alternatives

    Post # 6
    Member
    6339 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Trust your gut.  Your parents and family should want what’s best for you; if anything, they should support you and respect your decision.

    Post # 7
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    Ending an engagement is far easier, in every way, than ending a marriage. You have clearly made up your mind and I can’t see any reason why you should marry this guy either. I completely empathise with the cultural aspect here, and that your family would be disappointed at first, but they’re your family after all and would just want you to be happy. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    320 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    tsanchez80 :  It sounds like he gave you a “shut up” ring. The ring gave you a sense of hope and it gave him an extended pass to date  you without really moving the relationship forward. Secure a place to live, I’d move out while he isnt home and after you’ve moved you can meet to talk. If you dont feel safe talking in person then a phone call or note will suffice. Always protect yourself.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1759 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Dump him and find someone better. He lied, cheated, and proposed but had no intention of following through on marrying you. This is not your fault, no one is going to be disappointed in you. Tell them he caused this break up as you can’t marry someone you don’t trust who is disrespecting the relationship. Tell your family that he won’t talk about wedding details either. This is a chance for you to avoid an awful relationship. Take the out. Your gut is telling you all you need to know. Trust your gut. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

    I would talk to him honestly about all your concerns, but be 100% prepared to leave. And frankly I might just leave anyway. If he really regrets letting you go he’ll figure it out and come after you, and then you can decide if that’s something you want. Divorce is much worse than a broken engagement, and sorry Bee, I agree this sounds like it was a shut up ring. Your parents will understand.

    Post # 11
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Don’t worry about what your parents think. You have to do what is right for you and your future. Your parents won’t be married to this guy. You will be. You will be the one getting hurt, lied to and led on. Any loving parents would prefer you to be happy with a broken engagement than miserable in a marriage. 

    Talk to your fiance. But talking to an ex and lying about it would be a dealbreaker for me. Emotional infidelity is just as bad as and often leads to physical infidelity. 

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