Should I even be \"waiting\" in our situation?

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

If u have to live with his parents you are in no way ready for marriage

Post # 18
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s great how honest you are about what you want. I wasn’t interested in any man wasting my time, either and I made that clear to DH when we were dating! While it’s nice that you are living with his parents to save money, I think your next goal should be to get your own place. Then plan on looking at rings once you two are out on your own. 

Post # 19
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

fairydust91 :  I would want it by 2 years to.  Sooo many girls waist there time. He knows or he don’t by now and he’s almost 30. Good luck bee

Post # 20
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

I think that you’re being really reasonable and you’re in a great position. It’s perfectly reasonable to have a timeline and to stick to it unless unforeseeable circumstances come up. (As long as the boyfriend has agreed to it.)

I think that your first step should be to move out together. There’s no problem of getting engaged within your timeline. Like you said, you don’t need an expensive ring nor a big wedding. It should happen because you both sound reasonable. You’re fine where you are. Enjoy your time together. It sounds like it’s going great.

Post # 21
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

coffeebean87 :  I disagree. She isn’t necessarily getting “him” if he won’t commit. So, you think she should be content to be a potential placeholder until he either commits or breaks up with her? That’s kind of doormat mentality. I prefer a much more straightforward approach of making choices that fit my life & my needs rather than just waiting around for someone to make those choices for me. Sounds like the OP has a good head on her shoulders. 

Post # 22
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

jannigirl :  No. I don’t think he should be a placeholder. But she said herself that she wouldn’t have a problem walking away, so it sounds like she’s not completely committed. It sounds a bit like there’s a fear of being alone. I get that. I’ve been there.  

Post # 23
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

coffeebean87 :  How is there a fear of being alone if she’s willing to walk away? Wouldn’t the converse be true? If she was afraid of being alone, she would do everything to stay with him, even if he wasn’t willing to commit. It is very unwise to completely commit yourself to somebody who is unwilling to return that level of commitment. That sets a person up for all sorts of abuse and disappointment.

Post # 24
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

jannigirl :  But his words suggest he’s willing to commit. But he could want to wait until they can support themselves. That could last longer than the one more year she has in mind. 

Post # 25
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wait… I just wanna ask why you think being hot has anything to do with this timeline…

Post # 26
Member
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Oof…it’s a good thing DH was more concerned about my character than my looks considering he married me at the absolutely ancient age of 35…so far past my prime. Cuz you know everyone over the age of 30 looks like the Crypt Keeper….

Post # 27
Member
6557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

“It’s not old but I am currently at my peak, looks-wise.”

Ah, to be young. I don’t want to alarm you or anything but I actually look even better at 29 than I did at 25.

Wait! Is that why my husband didn’t marry me until 28??? Was he waiting for me to hit my peak?!

Post # 28
Member
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

slomotion :  I’m really feeling my look today. “On fleek” as those young whipper snappers would say…

Post # 29
Member
6557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

desertgypsy :  Okay, but seriously, your contour is outta this world today!!

Post # 30
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jannigirl :  “It is very unwise to completely commit yourself to somebody who is unwilling to return that level of commitment”

Yes! Unfortunately it seems to be common with many women to take “whatever he is willing to give” ie wait for years and years and be a doormat…

coffeebean87 :  words without actions mean nothing

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