(Closed) Should I even bother to invite my dad's wife?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 Be gracious and add her name. If you don’t, you fall into her trap of giving her something to complain about. By including her, you are placing the ball squarely in her court.

Post # 17
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

If you don’t invite her she will make a big deal and fight to go. So I’d say invite her and let her not show up. Reverse psychology lol

Post # 19
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
xstitchgal75:  I say invite her if she choose not to come its on her. 

Post # 20
Member
2383 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

She sure is a pill. Sounds like she has social disorder, but that isn’t your problem right now.

Invite her.  It’s just on paper, it isn’t an affidavit stating you love and adore her, and everything she does is wonderful. She will come or she won’t. You don’t say she causes fights or trouble at events, so if she comes, sits there with a sour look, that is on her, and won’t reflect on you.

LOL, I gave a lamp once to a kid for his birthday! He was about 11 though. He had so much stuff already, and he was a good student, and I liked the lamp!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  DanaWeddingGuest. Reason: to add
Post # 21
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
xstitchgal75:  I would invite her. She’s likely not to come but it doesn’t make you a villain.

Post # 22
Member
7326 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
xstitchgal75:  If it were me, not only would I not invite her, I wouldn’t be inviting my dad. I give him props for continuing to still have a relationship with you guys despite her clearly not being a nice person. However, I do not agree with siding with your spouse over your children – especially when (at least from your side) you’ve never done anything wrong. Obviously we’re only hearing one side of the story…and I wouldn’t except a parent to side with their kids just for the sake of it being their kids if they are wrong.

Post # 23
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ugh you poor girl – that is awful. It must be hard to have this between you and your Dad. I am so sorry you lost your mom and your first husband and have to deal with this, too. It’s a lot to get through. I hope you don’t let them dampen the joy of your upcoming wedding day. Sounds like you are used to handling it very well. Good for you! My POV is that I try to be the bigger person in these situations. There is satisfaction in not giving her any ammo or feeding the fire, especially since you know she won’t come and therefore can’t ruin your wedding. So I suppose I would grit my teeth and write her name on that envelope. But I don’t think most people would fault you for either choice. Congratulations and hope it works out!

Post # 24
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
xstitchgal75:  i don’t even know why someone would lecture you on having your son thank her for the lamp when that wasn’t even the point (or presume that he hadn’t said thank you). sigh.

Post # 25
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t invite her. At a certain point, turning the other cheek is just stupid. There is no politeness left, so it’s just fake even if you extend the “ettiquette” invite. If she’s seriously going to call all the time asking when your dad will be back DURING the wedding, I’d make it clear to him that IF he’s going to come, he needs to be present, and participate in the event as your FATHER, not as the husband of that woman who needs to be glued to his phone for the sake of his marriage. If he can’t do that, then good riddance to them both. BLEH

Post # 26
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

just take the high road and invite her. Then she can not complain that you don’t include her. 

Post # 27
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would absolutely NOT invite her. She didnt come to your husband’s funeral FFS. What kinda evil person is that?!

Post # 28
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Invite her. You know she’s not going to come and at the end of it all, she looks bad, not you. In the future…if an argument were to arise, she can’t say “You didn’t invite me to your wedding…!”. 

Post # 29
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Given the relationship your father has chosen to have by keeping his wife separate from his children, I don’t think you have to invite her.  You certainly can add her name if you want, but it doesn’t seem like she would come regardless or there would be any hurt feelings if she was not invited.

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