(Closed) Should I even bother with getting married?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
4111 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Totsl poeple at my wedding – 68. Total poeple related to me – 2. 

to me, family is what you makes it. I had a Ton of “family” at my wedding but only my mom and half sister are technically related to me. Everyone else is family by choice. 

A wedding is about celebrating with the people who mean the most to you. If those people are friends and not family, who cares??? 🙂 they matter to you and that’s the important thing!

Post # 3
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

If you want to get married get married. Why see it as his family only there for him. see it as an opportunity to make his family yours. 

I got married because I loved him and was the right and next step. There was only 18 guests. 

My mum walked out and me and my dad when I was three. So don’t know any of her family. Saw her when I was 16 and she told me I was a mistake. I know it’s not the same as you but I did feel sad near my wedding day that my mum wasn’t there but then I just was like hey am getting married to the man I love my new family. 

Best wishes 

Post # 4
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry for all your losses. I can see how a wedding could stir up some emotions and become very stressful. A traditional wedding might be too much for you, but I still think getting married could be a celebration of your new life together.

Have you had a direct conversation with him about your concerns? Even before we got engaged, DH and I talked about what kind of wedding we wanted. Maybe you could compromise and have a small wedding or get married at the courthouse. 

Post # 5
148 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
Cimerone:  I have a very similar situation to yours. I have issues when I go to other peoples’ weddings; I feel like I’m missing out on something I never got the chance to have.

I’m excited to have a wedding, because it’s marking a period in my life where I can create a family aspect of my own and make sure that the new people brought into this world will never have to feel the way I do when I see a bride walking down the aisle with her father, or when a bride goes dress shopping with her mother.

Who cares if you don’t have family there? Honestly it just makes more room for people you love.


Post # 6
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Wedding is not equal to marriage. 

The marriage has little to nothing to do with the wedding. First question is do you want to marry him and it sounds like the answer is yes. Now just have an honest conversation with him so you can figure out if you should elope or have a more traditional wedding.

Post # 7
2303 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

After a point in life, you get to “choose” your family. It’s one of the best parts about being an adult.

My fi is estranged from his family. I see what he goes through, and it’s hard. I know you kind of feel alone in the world.

My family accepts my fi as a new part of their family. They are wonderful people, and are happy because he makes me so happy. They are kind of unconditional like that. I have also realized not everyone is as lucky to have that kind of family. FI’s parents are not even invited to our wedding. Probably not his sister either. Our guest list is 55 people. I think 48 are from my side of the family.

It is really good to hear your perspective, because I know my fi might feel that way too. One thing that was big for him was accepting that he would never have the family he wanted, his parents were never going to change, and actually grieve the loss of that idea. Anyway, I wish good luck to you. Don’t let your own old patterns keep you from fully accepting your new family.

Post # 8
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i agree with all the pps – his family will be there for you too! 

that said, i’d have a 20 person or under wedding with an intimate ceremony and then rent a fancy restaurant room and have a fantastic multi course dinner. 

a wedding doesn’t need to be 100 + people – get creative and think about solutions that work for you and your fiance

Post # 9
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I am so sorry about your situation.  That sounds like the toughest thing to go through.  I think that if you want to be married to him, then you should get married.  Whether that involves a traditional wedding or not, the important part would be the marriage.  Maybe you could have a could still have some sort of celebration of the event, even if it is very small and you feel comfortable with the idea.  Something celebrating you becoming part of his family and you two becoming your own little family.  

Post # 10
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am so sorry. All I can say is that you are not alone. My family is alive but has had a lot of issues. My mother is not involved/ invited. My relationship with my father is very strained. I don’t have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents… and he has the big family. I tried to do the elopement option but was shot down. It’s hard. It sucks! It brings up family issues that have been long since dormant. I wish I had better advice, you are not alone.


Post # 12
277 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Cimerone:  You could keep it super small so it’s people you’re both close to. Or hell, just do it the two of you. Your question isn’t about marriage, it’s about a wedding. A wedding doesn’t make a marriage. 

Post # 13
687 posts
Busy bee

I support everything PPs have said, and I think because it seems a little fragile of a subject for you, y’all should definitely aim to have a small wedding if he definitely needs one (50 guests or less). Realize similar to what someone else said family doesn’t just mean blood, it’s who you make it. I mean you were adopted! Your parents weren’t any less your parents, right? I would suggest though going to some therapy or counseling because you’ve been through a lot, and plus I think it would be healthy for you to have at least a couple girlfriends who are your own and not another connection formed through your SO. Being unable to make friends on your own seems like something you could work through and improve at with that help. I’m sorry things have been so rough for you, and I wish you the best!

Post # 14
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My dad passed away and my mom is in Israel, and I have no siblings. So that’s the extent of my family. I was happy to elope but my Fiance really wants a wedding. I really wanna get married in Vegas though, where a lot of his family will not be able to attend because it is far. So, it will be really small. My mom might not even be able to attend, so I may not have ANY family there. It is what it is. If you’re like me, though, you’re kind of a loner so you just kinda deal with not having family there.<br /><br />I agree that you should have a small wedding. I don’t think it will be depressing, as long as for the ceremony you don’t have an exclusive “grooms” side and “brides” side. <br /><br />You could also elope too, although it sounds like your boyfriend really wants a wedding (mine did too). You can do a small wedding and not spend a lot, epsecially if you are willing to cut corners.

Post # 14
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
Cimerone:  elope to Vegas  

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