Post # 1
I have a dilemma. One of my BM’s is one of those people who you have to walk on eggshells around. (She is my Bridesmaid or Best Man b/c she is related to my fiance and he felt strongly about it). Well, she was asking for confirmation that we’d be at certain events around the holidays, which I could give a very strong maybe too, but I couldn’t absolutely guarantee that I’ll be there as I’m going through some medical things that may lead to surgery over the next few weeks. So – when I told her that, she uninvited me (somewhat harshly) to all of the family events. And she hasn’t spoken to me since and I don’t plan to reach out to her. It’s bad enough that I’m really worried about my health, and don’t know what’s going to happen just yet, to be treated like I’m inconveniencing her really hurt. (Her email included “well if you’re in the hospital that trumps Christmas” – who says that!!!).
I’m trying to think positively and assume the wedding will still be on as planned, to distract myself if anything. If it is – do I really expect this girl to be in the wedding? I can’t ask her to step down without causing more drama (she’s just that type, and I worry she’ll turn my fiances mother against me). But if she acted the way she just did – and I don’t plan on initiating contact even if it means I don’t see or speak to her until the rehearsal dinner, is she really going to assume she’s still in the wedding?
Post # 3
Wow, she is so rude! I don’t know if I would even want her in my wedding because she seems like she would be passive-agressive the whole time and make it so that you don’t have a good time with any of your events. Does she have the authority to univite you from the events? Is she the one who is hosting them? If not, I would go away if you are able to. I would try to talk to your FI’s mom about the situation if you think that she is going to have problems with this girl too. And I hope that you are okay and don’t have to have surgery!
Post # 4
I don’t want her in the wedding at all – never did – she invited herself to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and when I told my fiance about it he felt strongly that she should be included (she is his step-sister). Her husband is a groomsman and her children are our flower girl and ring bearer. My fiance is scared that if I asked her to step down she would yank her kids – and possibly her husband, out of the wedding, and maybe not even come. I worry that if I kicked her out of the wedding she’d make a scene in some way shape or another. I honestly worry daily (not really exaggerating) that she’ll find a way to make our wedding about her or find some way to ruin it for me.
The holiday events I’ve been uninvited from include two dinners she is hosting (weekend before Christmas and then New Years Day), and she’s rescheduled when they see my fiances family to be the exact same time my fiance and I were to see my parents (we are within 2 hours of most family). So I’ll be spending Christmas day without my fiance. I don’t know for sure that Christmas day was deliberately rescheduled to mess with the timing we already had set up, but considering we’ve all had the same “holiday schedule” for the 6 years we’ve been together it seemed strange.
Post # 5
I think you should 1- have a long heart-to-heart with your Fiance and his mother about this situation and explain the anxiety it is giving you and 2- With their backing (or without!) kick this person from your wedding party! She sounds poisonous and self-centered. How could ANYONE get upset that you are having medical problems and can’t commit 100% to attending some holiday function?! I want to slap this lady For you! Also, if she pulls her husband and kids from the wedding, have backups! Do you have any other cute kids you know who’d be able to be flower girl and ring bearer for you? Does your Fiance have any other super close friends he could ask? Or maybe just agree to cut the wedding party down by 2- 1 bm (her) and 1 Gm (her husband). And, if you don’t know any other kids, you don’t NEED a ring barer and flower girl, they just add a level of adorable to the proceedings. 🙂
Post # 6
I’m ok with not having the kids in the wedding, though I’d be disappointed to not give them the little wedding related toys I’ve bought them. I have uneven numbers, so if she left I’d be back to even numbers, which I’d like. The big issues I have with kicking her our are A) if her husband wasn’t part of wedding party, my fiance would be crushed, they are super close, B) if she caused a scene at the wedding and C) will it make our family (fiances side at least) hate me with how uncomfortable it will make things for potentially years to come?
Post # 7
I 100% agree with rabbit – get on the same page as your Fiance, then hit up Future Mother-In-Law together. Its so important that your Fiance is on the same page for obvious reasons and will help with the Future Mother-In-Law conversation. I think you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t no matter what – and I can sure ignore someone better if they arent there and deal with the fallout later.
This is YOUR and your FI’s day – hopefully it will be a happy and healthy one (best of luck on the last part!). 🙂
Post # 8
I agree that you need to join forces with your Fiance. Then go from there. I don’t know if I agree that the first thing is to simply kick her out. (Don’t get me wrong. She’s a Future Sister-In-Law behaving badly. She needs to have more compassion.) But I think that it will cause a lot of trouble if you kicked her out. Sure you don’t want to have someone like this as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But your wedding will come and go. And the repercussions of kicking her out will probably hurt your Fiance (if not you) for a long time.
With the way she is, I don’t think your Fiance should have pushed her on you so much. But maybe either he can have a talk with her and talk some sense into her. Or maybe your Future Mother-In-Law can do this. Or maybe you’ll luck out and Future Mother-In-Law will understand taking her out of the wedding. But I would have Fiance try a direct talk with her first.
Post # 9
i agree with tanya in that i definitely think you need to join forces with your fi. i think i’d deal with this situation separately before even bringing up the wedding or bridesmaid issue. this is really incredibly rude of her, and you have every right to be upset, but i think lumping wedding related issues into this will cause even more drama than she has already started. if she uninvited you, did she also uninvite your fi? if it were me, i’d have fi talk to her and resolve this (ie get her to apologize), and then figure out where you stand on the bridal party issue after you see where things sit.
good luck with your health issues!