Should I feel bad ?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
210 posts
Helper bee

Don’t tell him, why would you tell him? To me this is not tell-him worthy 

Post # 3
6861 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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serendipity1991 :  I wouldn’t. It’ll get it off your chest but to what event? To possibly ruin his trust in you? You weren’t exclusive, you weren’t even fooling around together. You technically did nothing wrong, even if it was a bit morally ambiguous (and even that isn’t true for everyone). Forgive yourself and move on. 

ETA: this is coming from the prudiest prude that ever pruded.

Post # 4
4025 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

No don’t tell him. You even mention that you hadn’t had the being exclusive talk yet. You telling him would serve no purpose.

Post # 5
402 posts
Helper bee

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skunktastic :  

lol!! I thought I was the prudiest prude!! But you are right. A confession serves no purpose but to make herself feel better over something she should have no guilt for. 


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serendipity1991 :  I agree with the other posters – allow yourself to let go and move on. Maybe dig into why this has come up for you – it could be that you are having a moment of self doubt or feeling unworthy. 

Post # 6
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

this actually happened to me -_- hooked up with a guy after a long ugly relationship w an ex. this was also before we dated but i never though much of it except never to tell him.

well whatever time went on 5 years later we get married 1 year in we are sitting in a parking lot talking about sexual partners and i asked him how many girls he had slept with (idk why i asked i just did its not like i didnt know he had told me before) he didnt think much of it and said 2 and causaly asked me “what about you” (again he thought he knew the # i thought he knew the #)

and my dumb ass said 3

he stayed really really quiet and said 3? i looked at him like ohhh fuck. well before you and after  my ex i hooked up w a guy to really end things in my mind. 

we were already married been togther 6 years at this point and he was almost mad becasue he didnt know and i forgot to tell him the lie. i was so nervous i just laughed and tried to play it off but he knew and i knew i fucked up lol. he loves me though

ohh well he will never really ever know the real #

just take my story into consideration if the questipno ever comes up remeber what you told him at first lol

Post # 7
1165 posts
Bumble bee

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serendipity1991 :  You got it off your chest here. That’s good enough. Don’t tell him. You barely knew your fiancé when it happened. You slept with the guy before you slept with your fiance. You weren’t exclusive with your fiance when it happened. You need to forgive yourself and enjoy this happy moment. 

Post # 8
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You weren’t exclusive yet and hadn’t slept with him yet so I wouldn’t tell him. What purpose would telling him serve? It was before him. Now if you had told him in the beginning of your relationship I see no problem with it but now he’s going to be weird and think you hid it from him. It seems like unnecessary drama! 

Post # 9
745 posts
Busy bee

No reason to tell him. It would serve no purpose whatsoever. Enjoy your engagement! 

Post # 10
4953 posts
Honey bee

Not that it’s worth anything, but I wouldn’t feel bad in this situation.  

Until you’re exclusive, you’re not exclusive.

I realize that sounds really basic, but it sounds like you need a reminder of that. You were not obligated to see only him, nor are you obligated to tell him about it now. It’s an event that happened in the past, that you have no reason to feel badly for, and there’s no reason to drudge it up and bring it in your present.

Post # 11
7812 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Do you WANT to sabotage your relationship? Why would you even consider telling him? You did nothing wrong and in no way, shape or form did you cheat on him. This ought to be a happy time and it seems like you’re looking for excuses to wreck things.

Post # 12
13756 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
serendipity1991 :  I agree with PPs with one exception. If it is someone you continue to socialize with individually or as a couple then I think he does at least have the right to know there had been a physical encounter at one time, before the two of you got together. Which would be the truth. 

Post # 13
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

NO definitely not, no reason to. You might feel unburdened but he’ll probably feel like crap. So in essence you’ll be making yourself feel better but making him feel bad. 

Post # 15
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I suspect you may be feeling more guilt now after taking such an important step in your relationship. And although keeping a secret like this isn’t ideal, I think it would only cause unnecessary harm to your relationship to come clean at this point.

At the time it happened, you did nothing wrong. It was a brand new, yet to be defined relationship. I definitely wouldn’t want to run the risk of tarnishing your engagement. 

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