(Closed) Should I feel bad about this? Bridezilla or reasonable request?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I honestly don’t think you are being bridezilla at all!

Actually I think it is kinda rude of your sister to ruin your bachelorette surprise because SHE didn’t want to do it!

Could you maybe do two things – one low-key social thing for her to be involved and plan (maybe if it is even the dinner before hand?) and then the fun night out that you want!

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think the only thing you have done wrong is trying to please everyone and thats not fair to you

just say thank you to her about a dozen times and let it go – i bet there will be something else down the track that she will be bitching about so try not to obsess about it too much

Post # 6
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Sweetie this is your wedding.. I dont think this is bridezilla at all!! I agree with Future.. I think it was rude of her to ruin the suprise!!!

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow it is ridiculous that your sister RUINED your surprise! i’d be pissed!

I think she is being selfish and probably has some crazy hormones going through her, too. She is probably more upset about the fact that she won’t be able to do the crazy stuff, instead of realizing it’s just not good timing for her and being gracious and cool with it.

You deserve one fun night! if it’s traditional, awesome! Can you all go out for dinner/pedicures before so your other sis can participate? Then if hse wants to party poop out, she can. It’s about you having fun, not her. You shouldn’t tailor your party to her to the extent you don’t have fun. And i agree, joint laser tag is more of a bday party thing =. If your sis who’s planning it is cool, just go with her on that. SHE obviously isn’t letting the sister get all worked up, so try to follow her example. Don’t let her get to you!

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t want to have a joint party either.

Since when is that selfish?! that’s totally normal. no worries

Post # 9
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I have to agree with the fact that I think she was rude to ruin the surprise–especially because Maid/Matron of Honor 2 is your other sister and she could have taken up the complaints with her. Just write a thank you note to her for all her great planning, apologize that her ideas couldn’t be used more and then try not to worry about it!

Post # 10
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have to agree that you are not being “bridezilla-ish” at all.  Your bachelorette party should be what you, and the majority of the rest of the girls, want it to be.  Your sister should remember that she is only one person in the group and should not be the final say on what happens.  It seems to me that she is being “pregnantzilla” on this one.

Post # 11
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I wouldn’t want a joint party either! You definitely aren’t being selfish!

I like ejs’ idea about going to dinner and maybe manicures to start off with, and your sister can come, and then you and the rest of the girls can go out and do whatever you want afterwards!

Post # 13
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, we REALLY don’t. It’s your wedding, silly! I know family dynamics can suck, but seriously, she should get over herself. It’s your one time to get what you want!

I know things will get better in time… she’ll get mad over something else someone else said, if she really is like that. Just be patient and wait it out for now!! We’re behind you!

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You’re not the bad guy at all or out of line. I’m totally understand about saying “It’s okay” and then changing your mind; I’m like that too. But it’s not like she planned the whole thing, paid for it, and it’s two weeks away and you change your mind. It seems to me like your sister did the exact same thing to your BM’s other plans. In fact, the more I read the more it sounds like your sister is taking advantage of you (she probably knows you want to please everyone and instead of going to the group that’s planning to voice her concerns she goes to YOU so you can tell everyone else to change the plans). 

You’re only going to get this bachelorette party once and, while it is important to consider everyone’s needs, you should keep what you want at the top of the priority list. It could be hormones or it could be a long-running theme for your sister, either way she needs to be the one to suck it up. Hopefully if you play it off and make efforts to include her in whatever you do (dinner with drinks first, then go out to do whatever with an option for her to go home) it’ll all blow over. But don’t agonize that you’re being a control-freak – it’s just the people pleaser trap!Smile

Post # 15
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It might be a little late for this advice.  But when it came to any events (shower, bachelorette party, etc) my planner gave me the best advice which was just “Stay out of it!”  I was getting all upset that two contingents of bridesmaids were planning two separate showers and felt like I needed to intervene, but I was stopped and am glad I just let it go.  It is wrong of ANY of your bridesmaids to complain to you about plans that are being made.  They should be in touch with each other and working out whatever differences they have in ideas without involving or stressing you out.  That’s part of the job description!  So it doesn’t help you with your situation moving forward, but I do NOT think you are being a bridezilla.  YOu were being too nice by trying to make things work for your sister when she should not have involved you.

Post # 16
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

She shouldn’t be coming to you with these problems.  If your friends are planning something she doesn’t like, she should take it up with them— the planners!

Your sister is probably just bummed that she can’t go crazy.  Maybe you could do your “wild” party without her and then do a spa day with just your sisters?

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