- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
I just have something that I want to get your opinions on. I know that ALL of us fear being called that terrible word… Bridezilla. As we also know, the stress of wedding planning can sometimes make us do crazy things. My sister and I tend to butt heads often, and during this wedding planning time, it is no exception. Some of you might remember my post from a couple of months ago about her wanting to have her 2 month old baby in the wedding party and did not go down without a fight. Well, I have another situation and I don’t know if my nerves can take it.
She is pregnant right now. I have 2 sisters, both maids of honor. My other sister had apparently been emailing the bridesmaids about planning a super fun girls night out bachelorette party. They all were sharing ideas and talking budget and really trying to make a great traditional bachelorette party for me. I had no idea. So then the other sister (the one I’m having an issue with) pulled me aside one day and was like, just so you know… they are all planning this, but I will have the new baby by then so I won’t be able to do this, this, and this. And they are all coming up with ideas that are too expensive, and kind of wild. So of course, I feel guilty… of course you don’t have to spend a lot of money, I say!! We can do anything, I just kind of want to have a fun night out (not very low key, which I thought was reasonable). So she was suggesting things like a spa packate (not really me) and I said.. well how about something with more zest! (To me, zest does not equal high expense). It just seemed like the things she was coming up with were more something that she would like to do and not me. The other bridesmaids were kind of upset that the ideas that they had all talked about were not going to happen anymore.
I have been feeling very sad about not feeling support from her throughout the wedding plans. I know that she is pregnant and probably uncomfortable, but it just still made me sad. So when I was out the other day, she came up with the idea to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party at a place that has laser tag and stuff. She got very excited about it, and to be honest, I was really happy to see her excited about something for the wedding so I said ‘OK’. I talked with Fiance and he said “whatever you want” which was very nice, considering that would mean he would not get a traditional bachelor party. She began pricing things and getting a head count together. She started talking to me about the prices and how we needed to invite more people so that it would not be too expensive for everyone. Well then I started feeling guilty. A big bug in my gut kept telling me that I really would have rather had just a separate traditional girls night out, even if it was just at a cheap restaurant or at my apartment. The more details I got, the more it felt like a birthday party. No money had been put down, no papers had been signed, and she had not notified everyone about it (this was 2 days after the idea was created) and I talked to Fiance and told him what I was feeling. He told me that I should tell her because if I didn’t, I would always regret not having the party that I wanted. So I decided to. I felt awful and called her and was crying because I felt so badly that she had put so much time and effort into the planning (even though it had only been 2 days). She was really angry and told me how I have been very picky and shot down every idea that she had (not exactly true) and that she had spent so much time on this and doesn’t want to plan it anymore.
Of course… I immediately felt crushed and regretful. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings, and I thought that because no permanent plans had been made, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Well, now I feel like the biggest bridezilla in the world and am scared that everyone in my family is going to perceive me as an obnoxious bride. Am I wrong?
My other sister has been extremely supportive and not upset at all. She is now planning a traditional girls night out, but I still feel like an idiot, high-maintenance, dumbo. She sent me an email the next day explaining that her feelings were hurt and she no longer wanted to be a part of the planning. I replied with an apology, but I just can’t stop feeling guilty.
Am I in the wrong here?? HELP! I really am trying to get happy and move on, but I just want everyone to be happy and supportive. Ugh.