(Closed) Should I feel bad about this?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I feel bad about stealing by BFF's "thunder"?
    Yes. : (6 votes)
    6 %
    No, you're not stealing anything! : (103 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 3
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    You should add a poll. I don’t think you should feel bad. You can’t put your life on hold because she is having a long engagement! I have a 2+ year engagement but I wouldn’t expect people to hold off getting married because I set my date so far away 🙂

    Post # 4
    1010 posts
    Bumble bee

    If your guest lists don’t overlap, then I don’t think you should feel bad at all.  As for the one or two mutual friends, do you think they will be able to attend both of the weddings without having to take time off work or go into too much debt?

    ETA: As far as I’m concerned, thunder stealing (thunder theft?) is a non-issue.  The only potential issue here is if guests to whom you are both very close will be unable to attend one of the weddings due to them being close together.

    Post # 5
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @moonbride:  No not at all. If your best friend really cares about you she won’t expect you to put your life on hold so she can hoard all the attention for TWO YEARS. The weddings will be a couple of months apart anyway so it would be a ridiculous thing to get upset about. 


    Post # 7
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    This has sort of happened to me, just in reverse. We are having a reeaally long engagement, and one of my friends, who got engaged after me and will be married a few months before, actually apologised for ‘stealing my thunder’. O.o

    As far as I’m concerned, there is no thunder to steal and anyone who expects their friends’ lives to be put on hold between their engagement and wedding dates are delusional.

    Just tell her casually when you are talking about your weddings anyway, it should not be a big deal.

    Post # 8
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @moonbride:  Maybe if you decided to have your wedding a week before hers, but you aren’t. There were two girls in the same group of friends that had their weddings two weeks apart. They had no issue and no one felt like their thunder was stolen. Just let her know and everything will be fine. If she thinks you are stealing her thunder then it is her issue.

    Post # 10
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @moonbride:  Not at all! You can’t be expected to wait until after she’s married. If she was your own sister then 1 or 2 months is a bit close. But for friends, especially when there is hardly any guest overlap, there’s no problem, even if the weddings are a week apart, let alone 2 months. In fact my guess is she’ll be happy for you.

    One of my friends (though not my best friend) got engaged after me and married 2 weeks before. No problem at all, in fact the idea that she was stealing my thunder didn’t even cross my mind. I’m not a nordic goddess, I have no thunder to steal.

    Post # 11
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Oh my gosh no!!!! These things happen! Especially with it being 2015…that’s 2 years away! There’s no way no one else will get married before her. 


    Post # 12
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @moonbride:  Yeah I wouldn’t worry about it, definitely let her know about it and be willing to discuss it with her and hear her out if it matters to her. But in the end you have to do what you have to do and BFFs will understand! However, if you are in her wedding or want her to be in your wedding, try to space it out at LEAST two months ahead of her, if not three months, otherwise you actually are complicating her plans that she set before you did.


    Post # 13
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think the fact that they chose to have such a long engagement kind of leaves room for couples to get engaged after them and married before them… Now it doesn’t mean that it would sting any less for her, but honestly, like you said, you’re not willing to wait that long. I would explain to her that you just can’t wait to be his wife any longer and to please not be offended. If she can’t understand that, then that’s her loss! It’s not like it’s a competition. 

    Note: I’m also a bride who had about a two year engagement who has also experienced this. I had a cousin engaged and almost married (they broke it off) before me. My family was more offended than I was! You have to just expect this with a long engagement. 

    Post # 14
    1796 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Don’t worry about it. Schedule your wedding and talk to her about it. You don’t owe her an explanation, but it might be good to just let her know that you realize it’s close to her wedding but you’re not trying to compete with her big day.

    The topic ‘Should I feel bad about this?’ is closed to new replies.

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