Post # 1
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
My very first post was about how I was very frustrated with my FIL… long story short, they sold their house without buying a new one, moved in with relatives, and left their youngest son (in college) with no where to live, so we stepped in and offered him to stay with us in our small two bedroom condo as a kind gesture.
FIL said that it will only be a month and they will find a house soon…. now it’s been two months. Aside from the everyday inconvenience of having someone else living with you… neither FIL or FI’s brother offered any sort of appreciation, and I only expect a simple thank you…
FI’s brother is a junior in college, he’s been living at home bc he doesn’t want to take out student loans to live on campus. Anyways, recently he got into a car wreck that wasn’t his fault, insurance gave him 10k to replace his car, instead of buying a car that’s 10k, he bought one that’s 20k with FIL’s paying monthly payments for him. I was really put off by it considering he’s living here for free, and doesn’t help around the house either… I have bills to pay you know?
One of my bridesmaids is coming in town over the holidays to celebrate our engagement and will need a place to stay for a week. So I have asked FI to ask his brother to move out by dec 15th. I guess I’m just too nice and a pushover sometimes, I’m starting to feel guilty for asking him to move out… (He’s moving in with the relative that FILs are staying with now).
My thinking is if he can buy a brand new car, he can get his own place to live, or FIL can pay for a place for him.
Bees, what do you guys think? Did I make the right decision?
Post # 3
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
100% you did. I’m not sure where his sense of responsibility is. He is an adult and not under the care of you or FI. He gave no thought to where he was living because he was getting a free ride but I bet he’s thinking about it now. Let him be someone else’s headache. You extended the olive branch (and your home) long enough.
Post # 4
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
Do NOT feel guilty for this!!!!
I am in a similar situation, and at first I was worried, Hes going to be family and here I am kicking him out, but thats the thing. hes going to be family. And you don’t want him to think that means he deserves a free ride. I think you were nice enough to let him have longer than initially agreed on, specially if you’re letting him stay for free, and without any household duties. There may be some guilty feelings now, but imagine if you let him stay – those feelings might start to turn into something a little closer to hate. I say you’re making a good decision.
Post # 5
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
@weddingbee098: That would be frustrating. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable because:
1. It has been long enough and he is not paying for anything.
2. A new place to live should be his first priority.
Don’t feel guilty.
Post # 6
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
@Theonetime: thanks, that is how I feel too, that he will be Family, but i think you are right, I dont want to be taken advantage of either.
Post # 7
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
I would approach as either asking him extactly how long he plans on staying as a way to lead into him either moving out or paying rent. But also make sure your Fi is on the same page before you approyour the brother though. Another thing to keep in mind is he being handy around the house with chores and buying food might be something to take intoconsideration when room & board come into play.
Post # 8
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
Totally don’t feel guilty. Hes old enough to take care of himself and was totally taking advantage of you.
Post # 9
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would stay out of it. Your FI should be the one to ask him to move out if you both agree that he needs to go. I would try not to be too put out by him not saying thank you – he’s 21, right? I know I was a bit dim when I was a teen and in college. He may not realize he’s acting inappropriately.
Post # 10
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
@AlwaysSunny: yup, he’s 21, and he moved out today. At first I felt really guilty, but not now especially when FI told me he declined to be one of his groomsmen. We are giving notice more than a year in advance so people can save and plan. But I guess blood isn’t as thick as we thought! o well
Post # 11
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@weddingbee098: That’s sad that he declined. Did he say why?
Post # 12
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
@AlwaysSunny: he said he can’t afford it (but can afford a brand new 2013 Altima)
Post # 13
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
Wow, at first I was a little hesitant that you only gave him 3 days notice to move out…but shit, after hearing how financially irresponsible he is and that he declined being a groomsmen for his own brother!? I would be fine if you said you had put all his belongings on the front lawn! 😉
Post # 14
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
@kendra389: Yeah, I was especially sad that he declined to be a groomsmen for his own brother…
We gave him 3 week notice for moving out actually. So he was well prepared. I was just starting to feel guilty this week lol
Now I know I made a good decision, but still very disappointed that he won’t be there for his own brother. sigh~
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