Should I feel guilty for calling off my wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

emwesel37 :   You did the right thing.   Hold your head high and move forward.  *hugs*  

Post # 3
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s better to end it now before you’re officially married. It’s much harder (and more heartache) to divorce than to cancel a wedding. You did the right thing. 

Post # 4
Member
34 posts
Newbee

You did the right thing. 

Post # 5
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

emwesel37 :  

Yep lil’ bee you definitely did the right thing.  As for his accusations, yeah he’s hurt but he’s also a grown adult and capable making his own decisions so no, you didn’t ruin his life.  Also, you are not selfish simply because you discover that this man isn’t the one for you.  You sound like a smart, thoughtful and caring person.  Hold your head up lil’ sis……you’ve done something to be proud of.

Post # 6
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Better to end it now than down the road when it will be harder emotionally and legally. It’s hard but you know you did the right thing.

Post # 7
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Tell him you’d be REALLY ruining his life by getting married and then ending it in a divorce later. You’re doing right.

Post # 8
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper

You did the right thing. 

There are few things worse in this life than marrying the wrong person. If you are really meant to be together one day you will be–but not now. You are both so young. 

You did not ruin his life–you gave him the opportunity to grow up and make a happy life for himself. You did the same for yourself. Life’s too short to spend it with the wrong person.

Post # 9
Member
10845 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

emwesel37 :  

Feeling guilty serves no legitimate purpose of any kind.

If marrying the guy didn’t feel right, it wasn’t right.  You spared both of you from terrible heartache down the road.

Post # 10
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You didn’t ruin his life by calling off the wedding. It would have been much worse for both of you to go through with a marriage you weren’t 100% sure about.

It doesn’t matter that he was willing to try harder and make more sacrifices. The right relationship shouldn’t be that much work.

And this is your life too! You don’t have to marry him just because he wants you to. Who you marry should be a selfish choice, it’s about you wanting to spend forever with them. Not about you not wanting to hurt them (not sure how much sense that made…).

Post # 11
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think not getting married at 20 years old will ruin his life. It is young, people change so much during their 20s and if you’re not feeling it now you would only end up being even more resentful later. Don’t feel guilty about him and his lease, he can always sublet if he really doesn’t want to be in the new city.

Post # 12
Member
8857 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

emwesel37 :  “maybe I should have tried to make it work for longer.” — Nope. The problem is not that you didn’t try for long enough, it’s that you tried for too long. If you’d broken up before he moved, it would have been easier for you both. But better late than never, and better to call of the wedding than end a marriage. You did the right thing. He’s taking it hard but he will be ok. And it doesn’t matter if people think you’re the bad guy. You know that this is a “cruel to be kind” thing. You know you would not have a happy marriage and you’re saving BOTH of you from that. Don’t feel bad. You can’t marry someone just to avoid making them sad. You don’t owe him the rest of your life. Best wishes. I hope he realizes soon that this was for the best.

Post # 13
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You didn’t ruin his life. Of course it hurts now, but you did the right thing by not marrying someone when you know it’s not right. x

Post # 14
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

There is an episode of Friends where they joke about being sorry (which is like guilt) not being a good reason to get married. They weren’t wrong. 

It is understandable that your ex is upset, but that shouldn’t control your life. Whether you should have broken up earlier before he moved is both a ship that has sailed and a separate issue. 

Post # 15
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee

You did the right thing. You only get one life, live it for you!

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