Post # 1
Should I feel guilty?
Wow, so much drama in the week before the wedding! Our wedding rehearsal was scheduled for this Wednesday morning. My fiancé’s family is from Turkey and somehow they messed up their dates, we thought they arrive Tuesday afternoon but it’s actually Wednesday afternoon (just found this out at 9:30am today). We have no bridal party, just a best man (FH’s brother) and my maid of honor (my younger sister, I’m 25, she’s 20).
So, now I have to reschedule the rehearsal to Thursday, I’m beyond upset because my Maid/Matron of Honor had plans with her bf’s and bf’s dad to go hiking. She refused to cancel this day hiking trip (!!!) We exchanged many words via text and she did not want to cancel b/c she doesn’t believe in wedding rehearsals and that I should have just kept the time to Wednesday and just fill in FH’s parents of where to stand during ceremony. I said that I understood that she doesn’t like them, but that to me, it was important, to have our families together at the wedding location, alone, before the Big Day. I shared with her my feelings, and finally she said she would cancel but how she thinks I’m so awful because I expect people to drop and change plans last minute for me. She’s upset because she has to cancel and couldn’t keep her word. Isn’t that RUDE?! I am so sick of her choosing her bf over me and the family. I am even letting her sit with her bf for the reception dinner, the bf is not in our wedding party, I am even giving her one of the extra wedding suites for her and her bf to stay that night.
I am so upset, trying to make everyone happy and not having my maid of honor to support me. Mind you, she was away 6 weeks this summer, studying abroad, I would have liked to think she’d keep a few days before the wedding open to me for my plans. Am I awful for feeling that? She’s pissed with me.
Post # 3
I prob wouldnt have changed my plans for the Rehearsal Dinner. Its not her fault other peoples dates got mixed up and she had plans. I understand you wanted her there for the Rehearsal Dinner and are upset that she went away this summer but I think the key thing for brides to remember is that other people have a life outside of your wedding.
Post # 4
@mishelleez: I understand. I just feel that the Maid of honor should make it a point to be there for their bride. If it was a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then yeah, I wouldn’t expect as much.
I’m not attacking what you are saying, just wanted to point that out:-)
I want her at both the rehearsal and the dinner later.
Post # 5
Personally – if I was your sister, I’d be a little ticked too. She scheduled her plans around the wedding things you set. She chose a day when nothing was planned to get together with her Boyfriend or Best Friend and his family and now she is being forced to cancel on them last minute because you changed your plans on her. I think she has every right to be upset.
Even if you needed to move the rehearsal to Thursday, why not do it in the evening so she can still go hiking and then come to the rehearsal afterwards? IMO, you aren’t being very considerate of her plans.
I know this isn’t what you were hoping to hear, but I do think you are in the wrong.
Post # 6
Honestly, I kinda agree that she shouldn’t really HAVE to change her plans for the rehersal dinner. It’s not her fault the days were mixed up with his parents and she obviously set time away so that she would be able to do it on the day that you had previously planned it for. You just said that she should make it a point to be there, YES you are right she should be there, which she has already done, so honestly I think it’s unfair for the date to be changed and for her to have to drop her other plans now for it. It is VERY important I agree but I am kinda on her side..
Post # 7
Wow, I guess I am so into this wedding since its only 6 days away, that I cant think of anything or anyone else. I appreciate your comments, I really do. I just hope she doesn’t have a face at the rehearsal…
Post # 8
I really agree with FutureKMM. I think it’s rather inconsiderate to make her cancel her plans when she obviously made them to avoid interfering with your original rehearsal time.
Post # 9
Bottom line, its a stinky situation.
She’s your sister and your Maid/Matron of Honor so yes, she should be there for you at the drop of a hat.
However, its also a bit unreasonable for you to suddenly change plans and demand/expect her to change hers to accomodate you.
I would try to act nicely and simply say, You are my sister and my Maid/Matron of Honor and a huge part of my life. I am sorry for the mix up and change in plans but I really hope that you will be able to be there to support us as we prepare for our wedding.
If she chooses not to, there isn’t much you can do.
Post # 10
As mentioned here already, i think you are in the wrong. She waa set to be there by your side and you changed the plans (I understand why you did…but still) She was ready to be there and made plans at a time that was convienent for you…YOU changed them so i dont see why she has to drop everything. Her heart is there.
And remember just because they have the title of Maid/Matron of Honor for a few months doesnt mean they no longer have the title of Girlfriend, sister, daughter, co-worker, friend etc. My Maid/Matron of Honor didnt come to my shower (meaning she didnt host it either…) she didnt even send a gift…and i didnt think twice about it! These are people too!! 😛
Post # 11
Well, she DID keep her plans open for you, and you changed them at the last minute (you mentioned wanting her to keep her plans open for you). If she’s been abroad all summer, this hiking trip is probably a big deal to her. I think at this point, you should try to reschedule the rehearsal around her trip. If your wedding isn’t until Sunday, I don’t see what the rush is? Can’t you just separate the rehearsal and the dinner if it is so important that she be there? You could do the rehearsal later in the week.
Post # 12
I agree mostly with PP. While it would’ve been really nice of her to cancel her plans to help you out just to be a good friend… I don’t really feel like she should have to. Your FI’s family messed up their plans and really it doesn’t seem like it’d be that hard to tell them where to stand or what to do.
Post # 13
Thanks guys for your honest opinions. In the end, we are having no rehearsal, b/c the JOP isn’t avail. Thursday. So, now I feel all that drama was a WASTE!
In the end, I feel that I’m not having a typical wedding, so anything that is typical (a wedding rehearsal for example), I wanted to make sure it was done 100% correctly, with all family in attendance.
Post # 14
@Adnama54: I think if you’re still worried about your sister then just apologize. Tell her you were stressed because your Fiance fam messed up the dates and you were having to reschedule everything and you just took it out on her. I’m sure she’d understand and I think an apology could go a long way.
Post # 15
@camrie: ditto, I did apologize for her having to change the plans and I said that I hope she can still go hiking. She felt sorry that the whole thing didn’t work out.
Post # 16
I agree with Camrie. I would apologize to Maid/Matron of Honor. It would do a lot of good in this situation I think, especially since the drama was for nothing. Especially since you’re sister, she should understand.
FYI: I’m not having a rehearsal either. I’m also not having a bridal shower. Just bachelorette party, wedding and honeymoon. 🙂