Should I feel hurt?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
13564 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Wow. Let me guess. Her husband had exactly five groomsmen and or her bridesmaids were in the best position to throw parties in her honor. Am I close? 

Post # 17
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would just let it be and distance myself from her. Obviously your friendship means less to her than it does you. Nurture other friendships, this one’s a dud.

Post # 18
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Sadly you have to let her go, by not having you as a bridesmaid she told you all you need to know. A friend from graduate school she had to convince over you who is one of her “closest” friends. Even if she had done something special she made it clear from her bridesmaid choices.

You get another role with a special surprise and a moment… who does she think you are a five year old she can trick.. this pony is just as nice, she’s special her leg is broken and her mane is cut off and that gives her special powers…She could have had a special moment with you while also having you as a bridesmaid. Instead she did nothing. She didn’t even follow through on placating you. 

You helped pick out the ring, she’s your kids godmother… I’d definitely end the friendship!

Not because I didn’t get my “special role and moment” but because that was all BS, she showed who she wanted beside her when she chose her bridal party and that’s that. 

If you do address this with her you need to straight up ask her, why did you not want me as a bridesmaid? If she says there wasn’t room, so you are better friends and closer with graduate school girl you had to convince to be in it? 

Post # 19
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t really see the correlation with being there for your friend and being in the wedding party. I don’t personally take wedding parties as a sign of anything. Someone is always left out.

I think the issue here is the very odd comments of having another role and keeping it as a suprise. That’s just weird. Maybe she wanted to do something but couldn’t figure it out and hoped you’d forget. It’s a weird thing to say and so is the apologising.

I’d talk to her in a week. I’d ask what’s up with the weird apologies. Also what’s with the weird special moments. Friend got married, soemone else was a bridesmaid. The bride made it super word.

Post # 20
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Personally, I think that it was ignorant of her to SAY that she wasn’t going to make you a bridesmaid. I had a “friend” do this to me, she kept going on about it. We are no longer friends for other reasons but honestly looking back I don’t get why she had to SAY it. Likewise with your friend who then compounded it by offering some special moment. I am not sure what all that is about but I hear where you are coming from and I understand your hurt. Yes you should move on but give yourself a chance to grieve the friendship too. It is disappointing to be there for someone yet have that person kind of play games. There was no reason for her to SAY those things to you.

The only thing is that she is your child’s godmother so you probably need to maintain contact. If you want to tell her that you are hurt, go ahead and tell her – and ask her why she SAID those things. But other than that you may have to move on. 

Post # 21
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I’m sorry to say this but I think all this shows that you value the friendship a lot more highly than she does 🙁 I’m really sorry, I’d be very hurt if this were me. 

Post # 22
Member
13564 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
jess9090 :  I agree that it was rude to tell OP she would not be a bridesmaid. In that context promising a role that never materialized only added insult to injury. 

Post # 23
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  yeah that’s honestly the only reasonable explanation and in this case it’s sucky the friend couldn’t have just been honest with OP. 

Post # 24
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
soexcited123 :  I was really hoping it was just some kind of misunderstanding, but you are right. That IS family, not blood. And after OP update, it is apparent that something is really off here. 

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katelynn92 :  That is really strange. I hope she has some good excuse about whatever the grand gesture was supposed to be. I personally would ask her, but it is up to you. I would be hurt, as well. Perhaps you need to take a look at this friendship and see if she has been as good a friend as you have been to her. Doesnt mean you have to cut her off completely, but maybe the dynamics will change. But it’s OK if you let this friendship go too. 

Post # 25
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

Alright well as hurtful as is it, for some reason you just didn’t make the cut. You can’t know why unless you ask her. She might think you aren’t as fun as the other girls, maybe you don’t look like the other girls and would ‘throw the pictures off’, etc. And telling you that she was going to do something for you specifically at the wedding was probably just to placate you, since you didn’t get the ‘prize’ of being a bridesmaid she wanted to give you a good sportmanship award. Ugh. 

You are good enough to hang out with during hard times, but when she’s literally showcasing the girls closest to her you don’t even make the cut. How sad. You are better off distancing yourself from this friendship and finding someone who really appreciates you because you sound like an awesome person. I wish I had a friend like you. 

For what it’s worth, I lost one of my best friends that I had been close with for 15 years over her wedding. Everyone in our group of friends was in her wedding party except for me. Even my own brother! I had to watch them all at the head table, drive away in the limo for bar hopping, etc. I stopped being her friend that day. 

Post # 26
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
katelynn92 :  That’s definitely extremely hurtful. It’s not right that she pointed out to you that you aren’t a bridesmaid and then continued to show she was feeling guilty (saying she’s sorry a bunch of times, saying you’ll have a special role) 

I wouldn’t say you made up the friendship in your head… I’ve heard that sometimes brides don’t ask certain friends to be bridesmaids if they think they can’t afford it, think they will be difficult about the dress or dramatic/opinionated in general, they think their friend is flaky or they think the friend doesn’t fit in with the rest of the bridal party. Which I’m not saying are good reasons, but some brides are a little shallow/selfish and expect things a certain way and if they don’t think certain friends will comply with their expectations they don’t include them in the bridal party. I do find it strange that she’s your child’s godmother and you weren’t in her bridal party… the friend that would be a godmother to my future children was my Maid/Matron of Honor and my godmother was my mom’s Maid/Matron of Honor. So it kinda makes me think that she didn’t ask you because of a shallow reason 

With that being said, do you really want to know why? Do you feel like that might hurt more? Or do you feel like you have to know in order to make decisions about this friendship. 

 

Post # 27
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

If nothing else, please ask her because I’m curious!

Post # 29
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

She might be one of those people who spread themselves thin and is besties with everyone. Sharing her intimate moments (heartbreak,secrets, etc.) with all her friends so they all feel like they are her best friend, when in reality you all sit about even. 

I would address why she made out that there was some big special thing for you and then just step back from thinking she is a best friend and more a friend. 

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