Should I file for divorce?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry, Bee. For what you are going through – you deserve to be treated better. It’s not appropriate for someone who is supposed to love and protect you to treat you the way you describe. 

It sounds like you know what you need to do. There is no shame in standing up for yourself, getting out of this situation and choosing a happy life. Chin up & good luck ❤️

Post # 3
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

He sounds like a terrible and frightening partner, I’m so sorry. I would not feel respected AT ALL if I were in this relationship. In the end, no one can make this decision for you. My personal bias, however, is that when you have to ask the internet about a question like this, you already have your answer about whether you want to stay …

Post # 4
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

Hugs, bee. Hugs to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and you do need to do whats right for you. Doesnt matter if youve been married a day or a decade, you know when you know. Usually, its when that level of respect, or lack thereof, has been crossed. 

 

Good on you for knowing what you need to do. A lot of people go into denial, and therefor stay in miserable relationships. 

Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I am so sorry you are going through this. You should absolutely file for divorce. I would have been done for any one of the reasons you’ve mentioned, and you deserve better!

Post # 6
Member
11247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He’s on multiple dating sites on multiple occasions, and treats you with disrespect. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by leaving. I’d urge you to get out of this marriage now. With no kids it will one day seem like ancient history. 

Post # 8
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Time to consult a lawyer. I’d list all the reasons why, but you obviously know them already. You deserve wayyy better, life is too short! 

Post # 9
Member
9185 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Girl, why is this even a question?! You deserve to be happy. Go call a lawyer.

Post # 10
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I get it – you’re looking for validation, and I’m happy to give that to you. It’s time to get out. **Big hugs**

Post # 11
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

I would file for divorce. He’s disrespectful and online dating – what a loser!

Post # 12
Member
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Small steps when big ones seem overwhelming. Talking to a lawyer couldn’t hurt, only help you right now. I’d start there.

Post # 13
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

Yep, but get your financial ducks in a row before you tip your hand at all. Check your credit report to make sure he hasn’t taken our cards or loans in your name and account for all marital assets (savings, retirement, etc) so he can’t move anything on the sly. Screenshot his dating site history. It’s not evidence of cheating in most courts, but it’s close. Get checked for STIs just in case he has actually cheated and don’t expose yourself anymore for the sake of your own health. Protect yourself, Bee!

Post # 14
Member
17 posts
Newbee

If you had a friend who was in your situation, what advice would you give them?

 

Your situation reminds me of the ex boyfriend I had between my exH and current partner. My ex was seen in my community as a leader, and we were a power couple. Behind closed doors? He was awful. He’d tear me down, and would lash out physically. He too, had no patience and was hypercritical. My ex also created rules that only benefited him throughout our polyamorous relationship (ie I had to date his partners, he could go on dating apps but I couldn’t,  I could only date him but not another male, etc.), just a shitty relationship all around. The day I got out of the relationship was the hardest but happiest days of my life. 

 

Your husband isn’t exhibiting behavior of someone who is in love with their spouse. He is exhibiting behavior consistent with dynamics associated with interpartner violence. I agree with any pp who said you need to leave, but please create a safety plan before doing so. That should include changing your phone number, blocking him on all social media platforms/email, locating a safe place to stay, and potentially staying in public and group settings with friends when you go out. 

 

It takes the average person in toxic relationship approximately seven times to leave. It’s not going to be remotely easy and you will need support to get through this. If you feel lost, the folks at the domestic violence hotline can assist you (1-800-799-7233). 

 

 

Don’t  let the fact that he acts like the good guy in public or what your community thinks of him dissuade you from making the healthiest choice for YOU in the end. You owe no explanations to anyone. A person like him would most likely be resistant to therapy and based on what you’ve written, is not marriage worthy material in my book.

 

Please take care of yourself. Sending virtual hugs and good vibes your way.

 

Post # 15
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

futuremrss17 :  I’m so sorry you’re being treated so poorly by your husband. What a jerk! His words and actions are downright disgusting and disrespectful to you as his wife and as a woman. You deserve to be happy, not to walk on eggshells around a pompus, lying, cheating ass. If you’re polling the crowd, my vote is a hearty “Divorce Him”. 

Also, I was in a similar situation in my first marriage. Great guy on the surface, church-going, always said/did the right thing when others were listening/watching, but he was a completely different person behind closed doors. It started with small things like criticising my clothing, isolating me from friends/family, and a host of other small things, similar to what you’re describing. It escalated to physical violence within 14 months of marriage. By the time I finally left him, I was barely a shadow of myself. Please take care of yourself. PM me if you want to vent, chat, whatever. 

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