Post # 16
I’m concerned about your comments about the dog and children. I don’t want to hear more about this honestly, because I can’t stand reading/knowing about animal cruelty, but if this man hits or screams at the dog or children, he needs to go. That IS a dangerous man. Barring all that, you’re clearly unhappy. Take your dog out of this situation, please, and leave.
Post # 17
I feel like you already know what you need to do. So I’ll just say this… every extra day you remain in this relationship is robbing you of happiness. As another PP said you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don’t continue to be unhappy. Best of luck!
Post # 18
I’m so sorry. Yes, you should definitely file for divorce, the sooner the better. Living with this man is already beating you down. He’s just another garden variety religious hypocritical asshole, he’s nothing special, and he isn’t going to change. You will feel better when he’s not in your life, you just have to be brave now and make the jump.
Post # 19
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I am so sorry Bee. Hugs to you. You know what you have to do.
Post # 21
Oh bee, I feel for you. Don’t let this go on any longer. Call your lawyer today. Oher posters have offered great advice re: making sure your ducks are in a row. Be strong. You deserve more than what this man can give you.
Post # 22
Wow you don’t deserve that. He is not helping to create a healthy and loving environment for you at all. So I’ll say what you know I’ll say-leave! He is scum!
Post # 23
So, so sorry. You sound completely worn out. Divorce this waste of space. You deserve to be loved and cherished.
Post # 24
Before you tell him you want a divorce…
Find an attorney and engage them.
Lock down all your passwords with separate, complex passwords. Use Lastpass to generate and keep track of them.
Put two step verification on everything that offers it.
Open a new bank account at a separate bank and redirect your direct deposit to it.
Lock down your credit with all three credit bureaus so he cannot open any accounts in your name.
Get a new phone wirh a new account and a new number. Do not give it to him.
Get all your important documents gathered and put them in a safe place he does not have access to (office, parents’, etc.). Same with anything super important to you (computer, photos, precious physical items). Find someone to keep your dog safe for you
Find a new place to live (at least temporarily). Do not tell him where.
Arrange for people to be there when you tell him or have divorce papers served after you have moved out (while he is at work).
Post # 25
Wanting to leave is enough!
Ignoring all the other unacceptable behavior, you found him on dating sites 4 or 5 times! If you wernt married and found your boyfriend on dating sites you would break up with him. He’s obviously actively looking for someone else! So 200 percent yes, if you find your significant other on any dating site ever, leave! And 4-5 times, I’m so sorry bee!
Don’t tip him off, meet with a divorce lawyer and see how they recommend you proceed.
Post # 26
Definitely time to get out. Men who feel comfortable turning to dating sites after saying vows are not husband material.
Post # 27
zl27 : this is great advice. My friend got screwed over by not doing this when leaving her abusive husband.
OP: I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Definitely leave, but be safe doing it. Everyone deserves better than what this guy is giving.
Post # 28
Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support. I am feeling so lost because I do not feel comfortable telling anyone IRL yet. I am considering calling my best friend and talking to her – she lives a few hours away so unforutnately I cannot visit her for a few days. I hadn’t wanted to tell her the first few times it happened because I didn’t want her to hate him. I don’t want to tell my family as we are hosting Easter this weekend, and I know they are too protective to be around him after I tell them what’s going on, and not tip him off in some way.
What really makes me mad is that I was on a work trip last week, and went out with my coworkers. I danced with a male coworker and felt so guilty about it (completely innocent dancing, nothing dirty), because it was the first time I’d danced with anyone but him in so long. I told him about it when I got home because I felt it was the right thing to do.. he didn’t care, but I’m sure that was just because he had done worse..
Post # 29
In my experience, when i hear this:
He has made me not want to have children, because I don’t think I could raise kids with him.
It’s been over for a while.
Post # 30
You don’t want to spend another minute with him thinking you should have left sooner. Leave now. Being on those apps IS cheating. My heart goes out to you, friend.