Should I file for divorce?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Girl, you deserve better. Get your ducks in a row first, and THEN file. PP posted a good list above of things you should definitely do beforehand.

He sounds like the type of person to escalate once you’re no longer under his thumb. I would just be cautious.

Being on dating apps is 100% cheating to me.

Post # 32
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: London

Girl you deserve so so much better. As PP have said, get your escape plan sorted and everything in place then just leave. 

No amount of money is worth staying with that piece of work – so even if it means forking out for rent for somewhere temp for a bit its worth it. You need a clean break so he cant hold anything over your freedom. 

 

Sending you strength and positive vibes! 

Post # 33
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

futuremrss17 :  sounds like a narc.

I’ll drive you to the lawyers office. This won’t get better.

Post # 34
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Leave him! He has no respect for you. You deserve to find someone better.

Post # 35
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

He sounds like a shitty person. Def. time for a divorce. You deserve someone who cherishes you & your body, not someone who criticizes it.

Post # 36
Hostess
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Call your best friend.  My best friend lives 12 hours away and you can bet if she said this to me, I’d be out the door and on my way to her right away.  I agree with PP, get everything in line and talk to a lawyer.  

Post # 37
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee

Just echoing everyone else — YES you should. I don’t take divorce lightly but your husband is cheating and he is plain mean to you. This is not a good person. Get out now. 

I also agree that you should protect your interests before letting him know that you’re considering divorce, as PP have advised re: retaining a lawyer first, getting as much evidence of his dating app use as possible (this might be a good time to see if he has hidden folders with other evidence of sketchy behavior), changing your passwords and making sure any important documents are somewhere secure where he can’t access and delete them, putting a freeze on your credit, etc. 

Post # 38
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

futuremrss17 :  Call your best friend. You need a support system right now and I’m sure it’ll help to have someone to talk to in real life about this. 

Your husband sounds like a terrible partner. He IS cheating. It doesn’t matter if nothing physical has happened yet. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! You know you don’t want to have kids with him because of his temper. That’s huge Bee. 

You know what you need to do. It sounds like you were just posting here as confirmation that you’re not crazy for wanting to divorce him. Well you’re not! Divorcing him is the sane choice. 

Best of luck to you Bee!

Post # 39
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

Can you make arrangements to leave with your family on Easter? So they cna be there to get your things and leave safely?

Post # 40
Member
549 posts
Busy bee

It is NOT shameful. And you deserve happiness. Every moment you spend married to this guy and with him are moments you are stealing from yourself and your future. Roll out. He is not worth it. Divorce sucks and negating death of loved ones is likely the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But it’s worth it. So worth it to not be consistently sad and wondering if he’s cheating. My ex didn’t cheat, except with Whiskey. And it was HARD to leave, so hard. But it’s been 5 years. I have found and married a man 1 million times better, I’ve excelled in my personal life in ways I never could have while married to him and my career is amazing, also because I can take the time to focus on it and make it a priority. My current husband is a true partner and supports all of that, but even if I wasn’t married to him, by divorcing my ex I was really able to do the things I wanted and needed to do, for me. Go for it girl. 

Post # 41
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

It’s definitely time to go. He’s cruel to you and to animals and children, and he’s a cheater. And this is just the stuff that you have evidence of now – just two years in. Chances are things will get worse or already are worse.

And remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. The man misrepresented himself – you are absolutely not the first woman to be wooed by a ‘charming’ man only to find out he has a whole lot of darkness under the shiny exterior he shows the public. Look at how many thousands of brilliant women have been fooled by abusers and even serial killers. You don’t have to justify it to everyone, just yourself – and you know that he’s not a good person. 

 

Post # 42
Member
3215 posts
Sugar bee

everythingpink :  great idea if she can get her ducks in a row before then. 

Post # 43
Member
6539 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, Bee. Call your friend and then call a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Find a good therapist and work on finding yourself again. There is a better life for you. 

Do you have to host Easter? I wouldn’t be able to fake my way through this–tell your family and get the support you need. Hugs. It will be hard for a while and then it will be so much better. 

Post # 44
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

The online dating profiles would be the final straw for me. He continues to go on these sites and will eventually cheat if he hasn’t already. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t waste your time. Go find someone that makes you happy.

Post # 45
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

futuremrss17 :  I agree w/ all previous posters.

I am so sorry you are going through this…the online dating sites would be absolute LAST straw for me & if he hasn’t cheated yet he will do it eventually. If i were you i’d get all your ducks in a row & plan to leave him. You deserve someone better who makes you really happy and this jerk isn’t it! 

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