(Closed) Should I fire FMIL as caterer?

posted 5 years ago in Food
  • poll: Should I fire FMIL?
    Cut her loose - all that bridal tulle gone turned her cray-cray : (9 votes)
    26 %
    Don't be so mean! TALK to her. Set some rules so she can ignore them later :) : (9 votes)
    26 %
    Pass the buck to FH. His mitochondria, his problem. : (16 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 3
    3257 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Sounds like you care more about winning the argument than the food itself.  Figure out if this is a battle worth your energy and aggravation.

    Post # 4
    13014 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Well, I do want to point out that one of the things that stick with people from a wedding is the food.  I went to a wedding about a month ago and whenever people comment on it, they bring up how the food was sub-par.  They don’t talk about anything else.  The food matters.

    I also think asking/allowing your Future Mother-In-Law to cater the event was a mistake from the start.  When is she planning on getting ready?  It’s really tough to have people who are important in the day also working for you.  But now, I think you’re in a bind.  Firing her is not going to improve the situation, and is going to cause hurt feelings and resentment.  I think you’re stuck with her. Perhaps your Fiance can reason with her to pare down the menu a bit.

    Post # 5
    33 posts
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Maybe with out “firing” her, you could have a stern conversation with her about what you want and don’t want?  I think you need to take the “this is my show” control from her.  That kind of bossy-ness is not acceptable.  It’s YOUR wedding.  You can’t gracefully kick her off the job, but you can say, “Look.  I am really greatful that you want to help with the catering, and I think you have a lot of good ideas, but in the end, I need to be at peace with the food that we choose together.  I’m okay with keeping x y and z on the menu, but a b and c just aren’t what we’re going for.  FI and I would really like to have d e and f instead.  Can we comprimise on that?”

    I don’t know your Future Mother-In-Law, but it sounds like she’s like many other headstrong women I know.  You have to give them some control, and let them be right about somethings, but you also have to stand up and say “Look, this is my day, what I want counts…I’m a strong woman too and I won’t be pushed around.” <—-This is more of your “in the mirror before you talk to her” script…..use the above paragraph to actually talk to her! lol.  GOOD LUCK!

    Post # 6
    634 posts
    Busy bee

    Your vows show how you treat each other. Your food shows how you treat your guests. Orr totally matters.

    Post # 7
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    If you were originally willing to hire a caterer anyway, could you downgrade her responsibilities to putting together a heavy appetizer spread, then have a pro do plated salads and entrees? It would be easier on both of you, as long as it won’t cause too much drama, plus it still results in lots of food to offset the alcohol, and increases the likelihood of people remembering your food positively. That is exactly what we are planning to do.

    Post # 8
    3731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @calmlywilde:  Seriously, I remember good food. No, I don’t remember your vows. I will remember if the music was good, the food was delicious and if it rained. Otherwise, I’m just there to hug you and party on.

    If you don’t want Future Mother-In-Law to do it, have FH cut her loose. By The Way, a plated 3-course meal is a HUGE meal by most people’s estimations. I haven’t been to many weddings where people go up to the buffet multiple times.

    Post # 9
    3731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @abbie017:  +5000

     @calmlywilde:  FMIL needs to get ready and have fun. Take her off the hook for her own sake (how kind and generous of you sweet FDIL).


    Post # 10
    2037 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @calmlywilde: I’d let your Fiance do it.  My aunt had her FMIL and Future Sister-In-Law do the catering and it turned more into what THEY wanted, less what SHE wanted, and it caused a BIG BIG FIGHT right before their wedding.

    I’d talk to your Fiance and just be like ‘I really want them to enjoy the day’ or something like that so he can let them down nicely.  Either that, or be prepared to have everything done NOT the way you want it and be okay with it.  

    Post # 11
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I personally would not want family doing any major tasks for me because I want them to enjoy the wedding but I think since she is already involved it would probably make it worse to “fire” her.

    I would talk to her and really explain your vision (make sure your Fiance is on board with you) and see where the conversation goes. We don’t know the dymanic, so maybe even Fiance could talk to her? If you want to replace her, I would take the approach that you want her to enjoy the day and let someone else do the work. I would really tread lightly because you don’t want to hurt her feelings. 

    Post # 12
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Oh, I’d so pass that one on to your FI!

    Food is important, but it’s not her show, it’s yours. Your wedding, you choose the food!


    Post # 13
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Meh.  I don’t think this is a mountain I would be willing to die on.  She caters, she’s already doing it, if you ask her to step down there are going to be seriously hurt feelings.  If you trust her to make good food and serve it nicely, then I would step back and just let her take over the food entirely and focus my efforts on other aspects of the wedding.

    Post # 14
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Let her have it (as in, let her win. Don’t yell at her) If that’s the only thing she’s losing her mind over, that’s great. My Father-In-Law obsessed over flowers (he didn’t think I could do them, despite knowing how to arrange flowers.) Then the cake (He wanted to PICK OUR BAKERY) Then the limo (???).

    Especially if she’s paying for it, just let her have it.

    Post # 15
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    If you were to find someone else to cater, I’d very much recommend wording that in a “We gave it a lot of thought and decided that we want you to just be able to relax and have fun at our wedding, instead of having to work” manner, so that she doesn’t get hurt.

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