- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’m having an ongoing dilemma with 2 of my bridesmaids, and I’m really at my wits end.. I need some advice, as I’m new to wedding planning and the etiquette of it all.
Here’s the story: I asked my 2 best friends from college to be my bridesmaids. One of them was my roommate for 3 years, and the other was a girl I met senior year who I became inseperable with. Both of them were really close friends of mine through college and the years that followed. One of them lives out of state, and the other lives 20 minutes from me. When I got engaged, the one from out of state drove down to celebrate with me, and they both eagerly accepted the honor of being a bridesmaid. Fast forward to now: the one who lives 20 minutes from me has made ZERO effort to get together socially, and when I make plans, she backs out. She has a new boyfriend, and she spends all her time with him. She told me she had trouble paying for the bridesmaid dress, and she asked me to pay half, which I agreed to do.. Then… my mom arranged a bridal shower for me in MA (she lives in Virginia) and at first, she said she was coming and she was “making travel arrangements.” Then, suddenly, she wrote me an email saying that she hadn’t budgeted for a bridal shower, and she couldn’t make it. Instead of calling, she wrote me an email……
Now, the other girl.. She also never contacts me in any way. We talk once every 4 months, usually. She recently texted me that she can’t go to my bridal shower either, because she has to attend a “conference” for school. Also, instead of calling me, she texted… Basically, neither girl has made ANY effort to help me with the wedding whatsoever. They have not offered to help me plan, or given me any ideas, nothing! I’ve been really stressed out with planning the wedding and my new job, and you’d think that my 2 BFF’s would be there to support me. Instead, I’ve felt very alone in this whole process. They are supposed to plan my bachelorette party, but neither one has done anything for that yet, and my wedding is less than 3 months away. I’m really worried that they won’t even do that for me. Both of them gave me trouble with the bridesmaid dress, and they aren’t even coming to my bridal shower!!! My little cousin had to plan the whole bridal shower herself (she’s another BM) and my mom gave them some tasks to do for the shower, and they haven’t done anything.
I’m really fed up at this point. Is it acceptable to fire bridesmaids? What should I do in this situation? I’ve tried talking to both girls, but they get defensive, and they usually just say what I want to hear (eg, “I’m always here to help!”) but then their actions don’t prove it. I spoke to my cousin who’s been a Bridesmaid or Best Man at many weddings, and she’s married herself, and she told me that ALL of her BM’s were at her shower, and they paid for it!!! I wouldn’t dare ask my 2 friends to pay. I feel like they are full of excuses.. I’m starting to question if they are even committed to this or not.