(Closed) Should I fire this bridesmaid???? [long]

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should this bridesmaid be fired??
    yes, she isnt doing anything to help : (26 votes)
    19 %
    no, your being a bridezilla : (91 votes)
    65 %
    maybe, i need to know more details : (22 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    a bm is not required to do anything for the wedding except to walk down the aisle and stand up with you.  you gave her free reign on her dress and she is procrastinating.  maybe she doesn’t have the money right now.   that doesn’t mean that you need to fire her.  ask her when she expects to have her dress purchased.

    i do understand your stress only 3 weeks out but let it go.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7480 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @mlford0531:  I don’t know the whole story, but of the 3 examples you gave, I would give her a pass on all 3. You don’t need all of your bridesmaids there to pick out your dress, you certainly don’t need them to be there for your fittings (and to be honest, that sounds super boring and tedious from their perspective), and maybe she’s not comfortable watching you open underwear. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    7416 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    She was a flake and attention seeker when asked her, so im confused as to why your surprised now? She sounds pretty consistant with what a flake is. Three weeks out is nerve racking but finding something off the rack if you have a common color shouldnt be an issue. Im sorry she is disappointing you, but you clearly should have anticpated this.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    6825 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    You are being a bit of a bridezilla, first and foremost being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is not a job, so you can’t “fire her”. Secondly the only real responbility she has is to stand up for you at your wedding. The other stuff is just bonus stuff.

    Post # 7
    Member
    12249 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If she flakes again on Thursday, I would just go “Karen, you seem really busy! I won’t be offended if you can’t stand up with me. Would you prefer to just be a guest? You know I’ll always love you no matter what!

    Even if that last part is a lie.

    I would either let her flake and not get the dress and then she can’t stand up for you, or offer her an out. Don’t fire her!

    Post # 10
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I voted no, but I don’t think that makes you a bridezilla. I agree with BrandNewBride, give her a classy out. Or maybe go for coffee and see if something is up with her. Maybe she just feels lost in the shuffle and wants her friend to be her friend and not a bride? I don’t know you guys though, so I could be really wrong. 

    Also, “un-bridesmaiding” is my new favorite word. I don’t know how I’ll use it, but I’ll make it work. 😀

    Post # 11
    Member
    5192 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @mlford0531:  What exactly do you need her to help with? Your wedding won’t be a disaster if she doesn’t watch you try on your dress or giggle at lingerie. Chill out. Maybe she has her own affairs to attend to and can’t devote every minute of her free time to YOUR wedding. As long as she shows up to the wedding on time, in the color dress you chose, you’re all good. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @mlford0531:  I get where you are coming from – she has skipped out on everything you have asked her to do! That’s shitty, I don’t care what people say. 3 weeks to the wedding and still no dress?! Not cool. If she misses that appointment I’d ask her to step down, or give her a “classy out” as PP said. IMO a bridesmaid should WANT to do more than just wear a dress and stand there on your wedding day. Not that they have to, but that they should want to.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You mentioned what she hasn’t done, what some others have done, and that you are doing your ENTIRE wedding by yourself.  Where is your FI?  This is just as much his responsibility as yours.

    I think there is some bridezilla going on.  You don’t need her to choose your dress or to attend your fitting.  You gave her leeway on her dress and she’ll get it.  Her job is to show up in the right dress and smile for pictures.  Anything else is voluntary on her part and not a requirement.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @mypinkshoes:  + 1 x 1,000.  

    When did people start expecting bridesmaids to be servants?

    Post # 16
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @mlford0531:  I AM IN THE EXACT. SAME. SITUATION.

    I have a totally flakey friend who totally expected me to ask her to be a bridesmaids (we have the same friends, we used to be close) but we literally dont talk anymore unless its about some sort of boy-drama she has going on. I know she would be too busy to do anything or help with anything, and honestly i dont even want her in “bridesmaid” photos because i wouldnt want to remember she was there. sigh, anyway, i decided not to ask her (advice from the bees–good choice)
    but i probably wouldnt want someone like that standing up there with me.. 

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