Post # 1
Dear Brides – my wedding is 4 weeks away, and the dresses have come in. There are 5 bridesmaids altogether. We all live miles apart, but the wedding will be in CA where the rest of my family is and so is this bridesmaid. I think she is lucky that she doesn’t have to travel like everyone else. We were in law school together so we go way back. My fiance also likes her and they get along so well.
The problem with this bridesmaid is, she is totally unresponsive of late. She was excited for me at first, then as the months passed on, she became more and more unreliable. I am paying for everything so I haven’t even asked her for a dime – just to be in touch with the rest of us and know what’s going on. She never responds to her emails or voice messages, and when she does, she is busy and will “call me back”. She never does. Today I totally lost it, and told her she was fired. She laughed, said she was in a meeting, and that she would call me right back. Then she said I was joking and I can’t fire her. Well, she never did call back.
I am fuming and just about done “begging” her to be my bridesmaid. She is a size 0 so I have to find someone who can wear her dress. But I feel hurt that she is so unresponsive to my big day. What should I do? A part of me thinks I should just keep her, but her total lack of seriousness has worn my patience thin. Please advise!!!!
Post # 3
Ok well if someone told me I was “fired” from being in their wedding I’d laugh too.
I’d definitely be cutting her loose though. I understand that people have lives and get caught up with other stuff, but there has to be a point where you meet halfway. If she’s not meeting you halfway it’s time to tell her not to worry about it anymore, you’ll find someone else.
Post # 4
Were you clear with your bridesmaidsa about what your expectations were? For some people it really does end with “show up on the day in the appropriate dress” and that’s all they’re looking for.
That said, if you haven’t spoken to her in months and every time you call to speak about anything (wedding related or not), it sounds like you may not be friends anymore??
Post # 5
Some of my bridesmaids have been less than helpful. It sucks and at first hurt my feelings, but I am the first to get married in my group and I’m just determined to be super helpful when they all get married. It sucks but some people just don’t think a wedding is as important as others. I’d say stay friends and grin and don’t let her rain on your parade!
Post # 6
Well, you can’t fire her because she is not an employee. She is your “friend”. I have flaky friends that I expect this kind of behavior from, was she like this before? Is it possible she is legitimately busy with work/life? Also, I think whoever you ask to sub in for her is going to feel like a second class citizen so if you do “fire” this girl I would not try to replace her.
Post # 7
i would have fired her ass too! and you are paying for the dresses? all she has to do is show up a few times, and she can’t even do that?
with the ability to text message and all, there is no excuse as to why she has not contacted you; and the fact that she laughed in your face says alot about how she sees you as a friend!
you don’t need her in your wedding, or you life for that much!
Post # 8
I’d fire her… I’m days away from firing my Maid/Matron of Honor for the same issue.
Post # 9
@samora:If she has a dress, just have her wear it. I had a bridesmaid who wasn’t able to keep up with most o fthe wedding stuff, but she’s important to me and been there for me during other SH**.
Day of, I was really glad she was there even though she missed the planning stages.
Post # 10
What on earth is there for her to be in touch and having so many e-mails and voice messages about? As long as she knows the right times for when to show up for everything she should be good, right?
And you don’t fire bridesmaids and replace them with someone else, the second person would feel shitty for basically being a sub and your last resort, and rightfully so.
Post # 11
Fire her? is she employed by you or something? is she on pay? LOL
absolutely ditto to that….
I’m gonna get shot at for this, but never has this been more true to say…..
you only have ONE wedding day, you cant boss people around a year before your wedding JUST because they are going to be a bridesmaid for you.
what do you want from them?
Post # 12
Any chance that she’s swamped at work? I see that you two went to law school together, and if she’s working at a firm (or anywhere, for that matter) in this economy, she’s probably busting her butt just to keep her job.
I wouldn’t fire her. She obviously has something going on in her life and needs your understanding. Yes, you have something going on, too — but it’s a wedding. One day. I agree with anneB. You can’t just run her life for a year because you’re getting married.
Post # 13
I would call her and tell her you need to talk to her right away about her dress. If she doesn’t respond, then you have your answer.
Post # 14
Well, my friends that went to law school still at large firms are working crazy insane hours. Did you ever ask to find out what’s going on in her life?
As a side, I never understand why so many people post that they want to “fire” their bridesmaids. If they’re close enough of a friend to ask to be a bridesmaid, how does it go downhill so rapidly that people are unwilling to forgive? Or why pick people in the first place that you aren’t close to?
Post # 15
I COMPLETELY agree with @courtney1188 and @anne B.
What are you actually asking her to do through your many voicemails/emails???? Just because you’re a bride doesn’t make you her boss. A bridesmaid (I assume) is one of your best friends, whom you love no matter what, otherwise you shouldn’t have asked her in the first place. I would laugh at you too for firing a best friend — figure out what’s going on in her life before you make crazy-drama-firing decisions.
Post # 16
Why on earth are you trying to replace her with 4 weeks to go? If the person you would replace her with wasn’t a close enough friend to ask to begin with, it’s pretty insulting to ask them now. Your bridesmaids are not warm bodies who fill slots standing next to you to make even numbers – they are representatives of the people who mean the most to you in your life.