Post # 1
My SO and I have been together 4.5 years. We have lived in different states for the past year and this time next year should be “reunited”. I am impatient about getting engaged but three months ago my mom was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. It is so important to me that my mom is at my wedding. I have told my SO that I want to get married next summer so that she will be there and still feeling okay. We know we want to be together but he wants to wait when we have money for a big wedding.
When do I say that there is not enough time to wait for the time to be right and having my mom there is more important than a fancy smancy ceremony?
Post # 3
@Lyndsie: I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness.
Regarding your plans for marriage, I think it’s absolutely fine for you to share your feelings with him about this. However, you cannot “force” an engagement. All you can do is tell him how much this means to you. The rest is up to him.
Post # 4
I think that he will understand when he realizes how important it is to you! It may be a matter of money/pride, but it could be by opening up to him, he’ll be able to open up to you (i.e. he wants to spend xxxx on a ring but won’t afford it for xxxx more months, or doesn’t want to disappoint certain family members with a small wedding) and you can decide a solution together (like, non-diamond ring, diamond band instead of e-ring to start, small destination wedding and cheap reception back home instead of $25000 wedding, etc)
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Sometimes you really just have to beat it into their heads that the big fancy wedding, the big ring, the whole shebang, just DOES NOT matter to you, despite what society may have him think. I am sorry to hear about your mother and I wish you luck with you future engagement!
Post # 6
Thanks Ladies! I have been trying to let him know but he is a man so I guess I should just come out and say it.
Post # 7
You can propose to him and get the ball rolling on your own timeline? Sorry to hear about your mother, though.
Post # 8
@Lyndsie: Oh wow, I’m so sorry about your mom.
I think the quality of people defiatly beats the quantity of people everyday! One of the bloggers dad died shortly after her engagement and never got to see her wedding, so I would definatly sit and talk it out with him because guys don’t take subtle hints.
Best of luck to you and let us know how it turns out!
Post # 9
Force an engagement? No.
Openly discuss your feelings with your boyfriend and see if he is open to a faster engagement? Yes.
Though to be honest, I don’t think next summer will be soon enough if your mom indeed has stage 4 cancer. Have you gotten that timeline from the doctor? Because the few people I know that have gotten that diagnosis have not lived longer than 6 months (so so so sorry to say, I just hope you are being realistic about this!)
Post # 10
I would just have an honest discussion with him, if waiting to get engaged and married is being delayed ONLY because of money and wanting a big ceremony or ring or whatever, then hopefully he is open to moving along the process and doing everything less expensively so that your mom can be a part of it. If he is simply not ready yet, then getting married at this point and rushing everything might not be realistic no matter how much it pains you, or good for a healthy marriage in the long term. I know its hard when you are ready to make it happen and your SO just isn’t at that point, compounded with something like this it must be even more difficult but you really don’t want to enter into a marriage unless both of you are truly ready.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis, I lost my beloved father to a rare cancer back in 2007, he passed away less than a month after his diagnosis.
Post # 11
if i were you i would propose to him. You guys can get married quickly and then have the big wedding as your vow renewal later on.