(Closed) Should I force an engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Lyndsie:  I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness.

Regarding your plans for marriage, I think it’s absolutely fine for you to share your feelings with him about this.  However, you cannot “force” an engagement. All you can do is tell him how much this means to you.  The rest is up to him. 

Post # 4
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think that he will understand when he realizes how important it is to you! It may be a matter of money/pride, but it could be by opening up to him, he’ll be able to open up to you (i.e. he wants to spend xxxx on a ring but won’t afford it for xxxx more months, or doesn’t want to disappoint certain family members with a small wedding) and you can decide a solution together (like, non-diamond ring, diamond band instead of e-ring to start, small destination wedding and cheap reception back home instead of $25000 wedding, etc) 

Post # 5
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Sometimes you really just have to beat it into their heads that the big fancy wedding, the big ring, the whole shebang, just DOES NOT matter to you, despite what society may have him think. I am sorry to hear about your mother and I wish you luck with you future engagement!

Post # 7
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You can propose to him and get the ball rolling on your own timeline? Sorry to hear about your mother, though.

Post # 8
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Lyndsie:  Oh wow, I’m so sorry about your mom. 

I think the quality of people defiatly beats the quantity of people everyday! One of the bloggers dad died shortly after her engagement and never got to see her wedding, so I would definatly sit and talk it out with him because guys don’t take subtle hints. 

Best of luck to you and let us know how it turns out! 

 

Post # 9
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Force an engagement? No.

Openly discuss your feelings with your boyfriend and see if he is open to a faster engagement? Yes.

Though to be honest, I don’t think next summer will be soon enough if your mom indeed has stage 4 cancer. Have you gotten that timeline from the doctor? Because the few people I know that have gotten that diagnosis have not lived longer than 6 months (so so so sorry to say, I just hope you are being realistic about this!)

Post # 10
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I would just have an honest discussion with him, if waiting to get engaged and married is being delayed ONLY because of money and wanting a big ceremony or ring or whatever, then hopefully he is open to moving along the process and doing everything less expensively so that your mom can be a part of it. If he is simply not ready yet, then getting married at this point and rushing everything might not be realistic no matter how much it pains you, or good for a healthy marriage in the long term. I know its hard when you are ready to make it happen and your SO just isn’t at that point, compounded with something like this it must be even more difficult but you really don’t want to enter into a marriage unless both of you are truly ready.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis, I lost my beloved father to a rare cancer back in 2007, he passed away less than a month after his diagnosis.

Post # 11
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

if i were you i would propose to him. You guys can get married quickly and then have the big wedding as your vow renewal later on.

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