Should I get married?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
lovetorn :  I understand you bee. I have been with my DH for 15 years. 10 of which we were dating before marriage. With my experience, I think it is important you tell him outright how you are feeling. My DH is sometimes emotionless and definitely not the romantic type. He was when we first started dating…in HIGH SCHOOL. But obviously he got comfortable and needed reminding and still needs reminding. 

If you can imagine having kids with him and growing old with him then I think it is worth talking to him about. It is hard to imagine long term when you are so young, but if you know you love him more than anything, don’t break it off, just be very honest about your feelings and how you do not feel he is truly being there for you on many levels, and be specific!

If you can imagine life without him, maybe tell him you need time apart before the wedding to really think things through, and again, be honest about why. If…after that time has passed, and you are still not ready, then I think you know your answer. 

Long-term relationships have their honeymoon phases and it will always be like that. But you really need to be open and communicate otherwise you will only feel worse about this.

Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2021

You’re very young and you don’t feel anything for him and want your independence.  This is your chance and I think you should take it.  I know it’s a common saying that relationships are hard, but I disagree.  In my experience, the good ones are easy.  Don’t marry anyone you’re not 100% sure about.  Are you interested in your coworker?

Post # 4
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

If you’re asking, I think you know the answer. It’s not at all easy but you may have outgrown this relationship.  You should be going into a marriage sure that you’re ready.  Try counseling to see if you can sort out your feelings. I did this when I was considering divorce and it really helped. 

Post # 5
Member
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

He is emotionless?  It sounds more like you are emotionally immature and purposely try to bait him into reactions to validate your insecurity.  

You need to work out if it is cold feet or if you don’t want to marry him.  It sounds more like this is leaning towards you not being ready but no one can tell you what is the best thing to do. 

Post # 6
Member
14160 posts
Honey Beekeeper

To put it in simple terms, if you have to ask then you have no business getting married. Everything you say points to a relationship you have outgrown. 

The fact that you continue to see someone who hits on you outside of work despite the fact Fiance told you it upset him shows you have no respect and are checked out as does everything else you are saying.

Do both yourself and your fiance a favor and call it off. 

Post # 7
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
lovetorn :  No, you shouldn’t get married because your gut/ conscience or whatever you want to call it is telling you that it’s not a good idea. And that could be for a combination of reasons: you not being ready for marriage, him not being your ideal partner, you two not fully understanding or respecting each other.

Either way, marriage won’t fix these issues. It will heighten them. And a break up is far better than going through a divorce. 

It’s good that you’re thinking about this now because many people get caught up in the whirlwind of engagement and wake up in a bad marriage. Hopefully you make the hard but right choice and call it off. 

Post # 8
Member
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Bee I also started dating DH at 20 and got married at 24, and never once experienced what you are feeling. You genuinely seem unhappy in this relationship. Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like? 

Post # 9
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

A mature man doesn’t go into a jealous rage because another man hit on you. He trusts you to do the right thing without him treating you like property. 

But you don’t feel anything, so go. It sounds like HE might be ready for marriage, but you’re not. 

Post # 10
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee

You shouldn’t have to ask. If you need to ask, you’re not ready. I wouldn’t even need to read your thread to answer No to your question.

That being said, if you want to work on things with him, there is nothing wrong with postponing until you are 100% sure you want to marry him.

Post # 11
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I’d say you aren’t ready to get married to him.  It sounds like you want your independence and feel you would be happier without him.  Talk to him about how you are feeling and you should really consider calling it off.  You shouldn’t be feeling this way 3 months before you are supposed to marry this person, and if he was the right person, you would not be feeling this way.

Honestly, i think you are digging to find things you don’t like about this guy, when it seems it’s more you, not him.  Good luck bee. 

 

Post # 12
Member
5502 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s time for you to leave and you know it. Your reasons are valid, but as pp pointed out you’re trying to goad him into a reaction by telling him that a coworker hit on you. This is game playing and it has no place in a healthy relationship. 

Post # 13
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Let him go.  He deserves better than someone who isn’t sure if she’s in love with him.  A sweet, funny, guy who has a great job, and is supportive should be allowed to find a woman who is sure about marrying him.

You sound like you’re intentionally looking for drama. Just take the high road and leave without the nonsense with flirty coworkers. 

Post # 15
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

If you found out that he felt about you the way that you are saying you feel (or don’t feel) about him, would you want to marry him?

He deserves to be loved by his wife. If you can’t give him that, please don’t marry him. 

 

 

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