Post # 1
I will try to keep this short. I have 9 BMs. Originally I only had 2 in town; one unemployed with no kids at home and does nothing outside the house and one a homicde detective. I didn’t expect much help from the detective as she’s always on call. The other one, yes. Especially since she is unemployed. Well, I’ve been working on my wedding non stop since I got engaged last Jan. She has barely helped. She calls to see what i’m working on but doesn’t say I’ll come over. She has come over three times; twice I’ve asked for her help. Each time she asked where other girlfriends were that she know I get help from time to time. Last Saturday she was on a mission to get done with what I asked her to come over nad help with. I feel it’s means more if they help on their own than me asking and feekubg they are helping out of obligation. I replaced one Bridesmaid or Best Man last month and she has been helping. I’ve not had to ask her. The cop has offered to help also and has done alot. She said she didn’t know she was supposed to help when we talked about three weeks ago. The rest are out of town; so no help from them. I’ve bought their jewelry; not too cheap but not exp. $20 each for earring and necklace but it’s very nice from Charming Charlie. And I’m making them a brooch for the dresses; conservative pieces they can wear again. Honestly, I’ve dont the bulk of the work by myself. I come home very day and do something.
I’ve given them alot of input in the dress and shoes and I took their heel height into consideration; so I picked two shoes for them to choose; a very high and a low. I want to get them a personal gift and I’ve had several women and my mom and step-mom tell me I’ve done enough.
What do you all think?
Post # 3
The earrings and necklaces are for the wedding or personal gifts?
Post # 4
You’re aware that Bridesmaid or Best Man =/= staff, right? Nobody should be required to help you with the wedding. If they offer to help as friends? Great.
” I’ve dont the bulk of the work by myself. I come home very day and do something.”
Of course, it’s YOUR wedding.
If you want to do a gift, then fine. It is falling with custom to do so. The jewelry is fine if it’s not for the wedding.
Post # 5
This is your wedding, not theirs. If you want something done, do it yourself. You can’t possibly expect these women to be at your beck and call. If you want help, ask for it but don’t expect them to volunteer all of their time to help with something that they probably don’t care all that much about. My bridesmaids were FANTASTIC and they didn’t help with much because I didn’t need it. I never expected them to drop everything just because I was getting married and you shouldn’t either.
As for your initial question, yes, of course you need to get them gifts. They’re buying a dress and devoting time to your wedding, right? They should be acknowledged for all that they are doing for you, even if it’s just showing up the day of. If the jewelry you’ve purchased is solely for your wedding then I don’t really consider that a gift, especially if it’s not something that you can picture them wearing again. Gifts should be something that the girls like, not something that YOU like. Ultimately it’s your decision though. I just think you need to reevaluate your attitude towards your bridesmaids because you’re bordering on ‘zilla territory.
Post # 6
Yes you should get them gifts, gifts are things that don’t benefit your wedding.
I’m sorry to tell you, that you seem to have been very hard on them. I don’t find taking their preference about heel height to be overly generous on your part. It is very important to wear shoes you can walk in. And all your projects are exactly that YOUR projects. It is not the BM’s responsibility to do your projects. Your Fiance is the one that should be helping you.
I think you should get them big, fat, personal gifts, that are non-wedding related. And probably a really nice note telling them you are sorry you’ve had bride brain for the past several months.
Post # 7
My understanding is that the bridesmaids only help with the bridal shower, buy the dress you tell them, show up to rehearsal and the day of. Anything else they offer to help with is very generous. If you want them to help with something, ask! They can’t possibly know what you are thinking. Be direct and ask them nicely, without making them feel obligated to. If they decline, I feel you should be understanding.
ETA: Yes, I think it would be very nice to get them a personal gift in addition to the jewelry. Even if it is a nice card, taking them out to lunch, paying for their manicures, etc. Something nice, price doesn’t matter, to thank them and show you appreciate them being in your wedding.
Post # 8
I think you all are reading way more into what I wrote. Yes, I did think my Maid/Matron of Honor would help me but I never demanded anyone to help me. I’ve only asked three times and that’s only becuase I really needed the ladies help. I’ve not asked any of them to work project. I’m not hard on them really where did you get that. The roles/purposes of Bridesmaid or Best Man is very subjective. I’ve had other brides talk negative about my ladies because they are not helping and I’ve had others say it’s not their job. Before you say I’m like a bridezill please read my words carefully. I stated that I feel better if they offer to help than me asking them to help and me feeling they are only helping becuase I asked. I added the comment that I’ve done the bulk of the work only to show that I have not demanded anything from them. As usual, people read what they want into someone elses words. And the say that I’ve not been overly generous I feel that I am becuase I know many ladies that were not given an option in their shoes or their attire or they accessories. I know ladies that have been made to get pierced becuase the bride did not pick out clip. I know ladies that have been made to wear 3″ heels when they were flats all the time. You don’t have to agree with anything I said as I don’t have to agree with you. But please do not make me out to be some monster bride becuase I am not!
Post # 9
I replaced the Bridesmaid or Best Man becuase she is not able to attend due to Military obligations not because of anything that I said or did.
Post # 10
Honestly, I’ve never understood why jewelry that you buy them to wear on the wedding day can’t count as part of their gift. It’s not like you’re taking the jewelry back after the wedding. When I was a bridesmaid a few years ago that was our gift, and I was totally okay with it (and I do still wear it from time to time!).
I am buying my bridesmaids their jewelry, but I’ve also gotten them another gift because I wanted to do more for them. I got them each a little purse filled with makeup and other goodies from Ulta. I might still do even more–a letter or a card explaining why I’m happy each one is there with me on that day. I think a touch of personalization is a very thoughtful gesture.
In the end, it’s up to you. Do you want to get them more? If so, then do it! Even if it’s something small and personalized. I don’t think, however, that what you get them should relate at all to how much you’re “doing for them” in terms of the dress, the heels, etc. That’s your choice, and I’m sure your bridesmaids greatly appreciate it. But letting them pick their own shoes or not making them pierce their ears is not really a gift. Your gift should relate to how much you appreciate them being there on your wedding day.
Post # 11
The jewelry can be thier gift. None of my Bridesmaid or Best Man have helped and I don’t expect them to. Even the single childless ones have a life and I honestly didn’t ask them to do a thing.
Post # 12
Yes, you should get them a gift as a thank-you for standing up in your wedding.
Post # 13
NONE of my BMs have helped with anything. I haven’t asked and no one has offered. I still am giving them gifts because I love them and am appreciative that they are standing with me on the day I marry my Fiance. Their support is all I need and/or want.
Post # 14
Thanks Ladies, that’s what I thought also. But some other friends, co-worker and family thought differently and I just wanted an opinion from other brides. I will give them the things I’ve bought for them and prayerfully they love them. Much appreciated!