(Closed) Should I get them gifts?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

The earrings and necklaces are for the wedding or personal gifts? 

Post # 4
1774 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re aware that Bridesmaid or Best Man =/= staff, right? Nobody should be required to help you with the wedding. If they offer to help as friends? Great.


” I’ve dont the bulk of the work by myself. I come home very day and do something.”

Of course, it’s YOUR wedding.


If you want to do a gift, then fine. It is falling with custom to do so. The jewelry is fine if it’s not for the wedding.

Post # 5
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is your wedding, not theirs. If you want something done, do it yourself. You can’t possibly expect these women to be at your beck and call. If you want help, ask for it but don’t expect them to volunteer all of their time to help with something that they probably don’t care all that much about. My bridesmaids were FANTASTIC and they didn’t help with much because I didn’t need it. I never expected them to drop everything just because I was getting married and you shouldn’t either.

As for your initial question, yes, of course you need to get them gifts. They’re buying a dress and devoting time to your wedding, right? They should be acknowledged for all that they are doing for you, even if it’s just showing up the day of. If the jewelry you’ve purchased is solely for your wedding then I don’t really consider that a gift, especially if it’s not something that you can picture them wearing again. Gifts should be something that the girls like, not something that YOU like. Ultimately it’s your decision though. I just think you need to reevaluate your attitude towards your bridesmaids because you’re bordering on ‘zilla territory.

Post # 6
3267 posts
Sugar bee

Yes you should get them gifts, gifts are things that don’t benefit your wedding.

I’m sorry to tell you, that you seem to have been very hard on them. I don’t find taking their preference about heel height to be overly generous on your part. It is very important to wear shoes you can walk in. And all your projects are exactly that YOUR projects. It is not the BM’s responsibility to do your projects. Your Fiance is the one that should be helping you.

I think you should get them big, fat, personal gifts, that are non-wedding related. And probably a really nice note telling them you are sorry you’ve had bride brain for the past several months.

Post # 7
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My understanding is that the bridesmaids only help with the bridal shower, buy the dress you tell them, show up to rehearsal and the day of.  Anything else they offer to help with is very generous.  If you want them to help with something, ask!  They can’t possibly know what you are thinking.  Be direct and ask them nicely, without making them feel obligated to.  If they decline, I feel you should be understanding. 

 ETA: Yes, I think it would be very nice to get them a personal gift in addition to the jewelry.  Even if it is a nice card, taking them out to lunch, paying for their manicures, etc. Something nice, price doesn’t matter, to thank them and show you appreciate them being in your wedding.

Post # 10
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I’ve never understood why jewelry that you buy them to wear on the wedding day can’t count as part of their gift. It’s not like you’re taking the jewelry back after the wedding. When I was a bridesmaid a few years ago that was our gift, and I was totally okay with it (and I do still wear it from time to time!).

I am buying my bridesmaids their jewelry, but I’ve also gotten them another gift because I wanted to do more for them. I got them each a little purse filled with makeup and other goodies from Ulta. I might still do even more–a letter or a card explaining why I’m happy each one is there with me on that day. I think a touch of personalization is a very thoughtful gesture.

In the end, it’s up to you. Do you want to get them more? If so, then do it! Even if it’s something small and personalized. I don’t think, however, that what you get them should relate at all to how much you’re “doing for them” in terms of the dress, the heels, etc. That’s your choice, and I’m sure your bridesmaids greatly appreciate it. But letting them pick their own shoes or not making them pierce their ears is not really a gift. Your gift should relate to how much you appreciate them being there on your wedding day.

Post # 11
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The jewelry can be thier gift. None of my Bridesmaid or Best Man have helped and I don’t expect them to. Even the single childless ones have a life and I honestly didn’t ask them to do a thing.

Post # 12
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yes, you should get them a gift as a thank-you for standing up in your wedding.

Post # 13
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

 NONE of my BMs have helped with anything.  I haven’t asked and no one has offered.  I still am giving them gifts because I love them and am appreciative that they are standing with me on the day I marry my Fiance.  Their support is all I need and/or want.  

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