Post # 1
i was recently married in a dw wedding. We did not expect gifts and I’m not the least bit offended by it. Buy my husband had a few immediate family members who couldn’t afford to come so we ended up paying their way. None of them even gave us a card of congratulations. they didn’t even say thank you in fact for us paying for their trip at all to Hawaii.
now forward two months later and one of these family members is getting married in a traditional wedding. I received word that they are registered at a few different places from his mother and the sister of the bride.
1. Should I get them a gift?
part of me says of course because I’m not rude even if he was.
the other part is saying if he didn’t even bother to send a card of congratulations or thanks for paying his way why should i
additional info is that this family member went without his SO and neither bothered to send the response card for our wedding. she didn’t even send her regrets at not being able to attend.
she didn’t even ever once congratulate us on our engagement or acknowledge us getting married in any fashion.
What would you do? Am I being petty?
Post # 2
Weddings and marriage are not tit-for-tat.
If you want to buy a gift, buy one. If you don’t, don’t. But either way, own your decision. Don’t pull the, “Well they didn’t buy us one!” card.
Post # 3
A wedding invitation doesn’t obligate you to buy a gift. Personally, I would never go to a wedding without bringing a gift, but that’s just me.
If it makes you feel any better, my inlaws didn’t bother to get us a card or a gift. When DH called them out a month later, we got a 99 cent card in the mail a few days later.
Post # 4
Get them a small gift and be the bigger person.
Post # 5
Get the cheapest item on the registry.
I am petty and that’s what I would do.
Post # 6
Are you attending? If so, bring a gift. Two wrongs don’t make a right and there’s nothing worse than cheapness, IMO. You saw how tacky it looked for them not to bring a gift to your wedding and you don’t want to look the same way.
If not, skip the gift. I know you’re technically supposed to send a gift if you’re invited to a wedding and can’t make it, but this rule has always come off as gift-grabby to me and I would never expect someone who didn’t come to my wedding to send me a gift (although it has happened).
Post # 7
Thank you. I’ll be the bigger person and do what I feel is proper etiquette. Me feeling a little unappreciated for what we did for him at our wedding is a separate issue I suppose.