(Closed) Should I give him a hall pass?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

1) this guilt will probably eat away at you. Keep that in mind, and that the longer you wait to tell the worse the impact will be.

2) if he had been the one “doing what he shouldn’t have done” would you want to know?

3) if he finds out like ten years from now it will be old news for you but fresh and new (and probably devastating) for him.

Post # 4
7873 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would be honest and tell him. But I would not give him a hall pass- 2 wrongs won’t make it right.

Post # 5
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t tell him.  This is YOUR issue, not his.  All you’d be doing by telling him is assuaging your own guilt and making him feel terrible.  So you get to ease your guilty conscience and he gets to feel like shit.  Your mistake, you get to live with the guilt.

Post # 6
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Gina84:  Offering him a hall pass is just going to deteriorate your relationship, IMO.

It’s not my business- but what did you do?  Did a guy drunkenly kiss you at a bar?  Did you sleep with someone?  Depending on the situation, I would handle it differently- and I am all about honestly.

When I was with an old boyfriend of mine, I had a guy friend kiss me- he did it so quick, and I stopped it as soon as I realized what happened.  It made ME feel guilty– even though I never would have let it happen if I had seen it coming.  That- I did no tell my boyfriend about.  The friend of mine never attempted anything ever again- and I didn’t see the point in upsetting my boyfriend over something I didn’t initial or want.


Now had I initiated it- or slept with someone, I’d first ask myself why I did it– and then talk to my bf about it

Post # 7
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Gina84:  No judgement here whatsoever. Is this something that he could potentially find out one day? Be completely honest with yourself and ask if you can see yourself doing something like this later on in life. IMO if there is NOway he would find out and if you can truly say that there is no way you would ever let yourself get to that low point again EVER, then get yourself tested for any Save-The-Date Cards and never speak of it. If there is any doubt, spill the beans. But I would definitely not offer a hall pass. To me, that would be insulting. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  rosegoldgirl.
Post # 8
11481 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Absolutly TELL HIM.  Be honest with him and let him know what happened. He has a right to know, just as you would want to have the right to know if he did the same.  I agree with babeba:  the sooner you tell him, the better off you’re going to be.

Post # 9
1161 posts
Bumble bee

Gina84:  definitely don’t give him a hall pass. It will just make things more complicated and set a bad precedent

Post # 10
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

How serious is what you did? I’d lean toward not telling him, because it will relieve your conscience but cause him anguish. If you didn’t have sex or do something that he NEEDS to know about, and if you’re serious about never doing it again and wanting to marry him, I’d keep quiet. And if I were Dave, I wouldn’t want to know. 

Post # 11
86 posts
Worker bee

never ever give hima hall pass. be honest before he finds out through someone else. if he is as amazing as you think, he wouldnt take the hall pass anyway!


Post # 14
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think he deserves to know. Two wrongs don’t make a right, giving him a hall pass won’t change what happened. You need to be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions. 

Post # 15
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

Also, I should add that I have been ‘Dave’ in this situation, except we were already married. Being offered a ‘hall pass’ is insulting.

The topic ‘Should I give him a hall pass?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors