Post # 1
So here’s the thing. “Dave” and I have been together for almost two years. I think he really is the one and I’m pretty sure he thinks the same way about me which is fantastic cause I am so ready to settle down with a great guy.
Anyway a little while ago I went on a girls only weekend away with my besties. Things kind of got wild and I did something I shouldn’t have done. I have felt absolutely terrible since then and feel really guilty. It will never ever happen again. Anyway, I’m not sure if I should keep quiet or confess. I really don’t want to keep secrets from Dave so I’m wondering if i shuold come clean and apologize and maybe offer him a hall pass. Good idea or bad idea? Anyone with a similar situation and whay did you do? Thanks
Post # 2
1) this guilt will probably eat away at you. Keep that in mind, and that the longer you wait to tell the worse the impact will be.
2) if he had been the one “doing what he shouldn’t have done” would you want to know?
3) if he finds out like ten years from now it will be old news for you but fresh and new (and probably devastating) for him.
Post # 3
I’m not married but for some reason in my profile it says I got married in December 1969! This is obviously wrong. I didn’t mean to cause any confusion
Post # 4
I would be honest and tell him. But I would not give him a hall pass- 2 wrongs won’t make it right.
Post # 5
Don’t tell him. This is YOUR issue, not his. All you’d be doing by telling him is assuaging your own guilt and making him feel terrible. So you get to ease your guilty conscience and he gets to feel like shit. Your mistake, you get to live with the guilt.
Post # 6
Gina84: Offering him a hall pass is just going to deteriorate your relationship, IMO.
It’s not my business- but what did you do? Did a guy drunkenly kiss you at a bar? Did you sleep with someone? Depending on the situation, I would handle it differently- and I am all about honestly.
When I was with an old boyfriend of mine, I had a guy friend kiss me- he did it so quick, and I stopped it as soon as I realized what happened. It made ME feel guilty– even though I never would have let it happen if I had seen it coming. That- I did no tell my boyfriend about. The friend of mine never attempted anything ever again- and I didn’t see the point in upsetting my boyfriend over something I didn’t initial or want.
Now had I initiated it- or slept with someone, I’d first ask myself why I did it– and then talk to my bf about it
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Gina84: No judgement here whatsoever. Is this something that he could potentially find out one day? Be completely honest with yourself and ask if you can see yourself doing something like this later on in life. IMO if there is NOway he would find out and if you can truly say that there is no way you would ever let yourself get to that low point again EVER, then get yourself tested for any STDs and never speak of it. If there is any doubt, spill the beans. But I would definitely not offer a hall pass. To me, that would be insulting.
Post # 8
Absolutly TELL HIM. Be honest with him and let him know what happened. He has a right to know, just as you would want to have the right to know if he did the same. I agree with babeba: the sooner you tell him, the better off you’re going to be.
Post # 9
Gina84: definitely don’t give him a hall pass. It will just make things more complicated and set a bad precedent
Post # 10
How serious is what you did? I’d lean toward not telling him, because it will relieve your conscience but cause him anguish. If you didn’t have sex or do something that he NEEDS to know about, and if you’re serious about never doing it again and wanting to marry him, I’d keep quiet. And if I were Dave, I wouldn’t want to know.
Post # 11
never ever give hima hall pass. be honest before he finds out through someone else. if he is as amazing as you think, he wouldnt take the hall pass anyway!
Post # 12
I “did” it with some random guy. It was incredibly stupid and no Iwould never do it again. I don’t even know whow I got to that point with the other guy.
Yes, I DO want to marry him. For sure.
No, I don’t think he’d find out. It’s just that I think I’ve been acting strange or something cause he keeps asking me if I’m OK and stuff. He actually asked me if everything was good on my trip
Post # 13
stillme: Also, he’s a bit on the sensitive side. Way before we met I was in a bunch of bikini contests and I told him about it and he wasn’t all that happy. So since then it’s been “good” all the way and nothing too crazy
Post # 14
I think he deserves to know. Two wrongs don’t make a right, giving him a hall pass won’t change what happened. You need to be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions.
Post # 15
Also, I should add that I have been ‘Dave’ in this situation, except we were already married. Being offered a ‘hall pass’ is insulting.