Post # 1
Hey all, I’m in need of a bit of advice.
There’s a man that I am very much in love with who is also very much in love with me. We’ve been dating for awhile now and from the start I felt as if I’d finally found the man I’d be happy with forever. Unfortunately, life’s stressors have caused many issues in our relationship. We are both very stubborn and independent, which did not help and he broke up with me after he started having job issues. We didn’t speak for months. The day he got a new job he called me, leaving a message about wanting to grab dinner.
i gave him a second chance even though I didn’t want to believe a person who loved me as much as I deserved could ever leave me. I felt so strongly about him and his feelings for me that I couldn’t resist, although I definitely made him work for it.
He made me feel so special and would frequently talk about the future but unfortunately I still had a hard time forgiving him and would sometimes become jealous and upset even if there was really no reason to be. At first he was patient with me and did everything he could to reassure me but after a few months we were fighting frequently. That’s when he started talking about not wanting to spend money on a wedding or kids. This shocked me because it was so different from what he’d been telling me before and our relationship crumbled until he finally broke up with me again though, he wanted to remain friends. It was during this conversation that I asked if he had ever saw me in his future and he said that he really doesn’t believe in “the one”, maybe if he did I wouldn’t be her, or maybe I would but our relationship is not sustainable and we can’t move toward a future.
I was so upset that I’d let him hurt me again and ignored his calls/texts/emails For a few weeks. After one very hard day and a very sad email from him about how I was his best friend and begging me to talk I called him back and told him that with me it was all or nothing, I would not settle for just friends. Surprisingly he went with all. He explained what he meant when he broke up with me, stating that our relationship was not sustainable the was it was going and there was no way we would survive if we kept fighting that way. He thought if we broke up we could still be in each others lives and it would relieve all the pressure we were putting on ourselves. He told me that he’s 100% sure I am the best person for him and he knows there’s no one else out there. That when he started seeing things we’re working no matter how hard we tried he have up on a future with anyone because he knows I’m the only one. He felt like if it wasn’t working out he was just lucky we got to be together for the amount of time we were. But he’a ready to work toward a sustainable relationship with me if it’s possible.
As much as I love him I’m wary on giving him a third chance. Please help.
Post # 3
@Chuxley89: it’s really up to you. What’s your gut saying? Id say go with your intuition this time time, not your heart.
Post # 4
Sounds like a whole bunch of drama.
I think you’re head over heels for this guy so you’re blinded by it.
Take some time to think what you would do if you didn’t love him.
Then, do that.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
“He thought if we broke up we could still be in each others lives and it would relieve all the pressure we were putting on ourselves.”
Um, couples work through issues together; not just give up by breaking up and expect that the other person would wait for them to come back! That wouldn’t make the issues go away. Apparently, he sounds like he’s got communication issues — or at least the both of you have problems communicating. What you may be feeling is frustration because he’s being difficult/confusing.
So, when times are good, he enjoys being with you. But when shit hits the fan, he leaves. Doesn’t sound like a true manly hero to me! HOWEVER, I have been in a similar situation with my FI (the breaking up frequency bit… men!), but at the time, SO simply wasn’t ready to commit. We’ve broken up twice in the early onset of our relationship. The second time we broke up, I got really pissy at my SO, saying, “You can’t just dictate how a relationship starts and ends! It’s supposed to be mutual and respectful. Talk to me, you dummy, if you think we’ve got a problem! I can listen, y’know!” Then, when we got back together for the third time, it stuck. We still bicker occasionally to this day, but it takes a lot of listening to the other, letting them vent some steam before proceeding into normal conversation and come up with solutions together.
If your SO truly sees you as the One, he could be emotionally attached to you. You’ve got him at your finger tips. :o)
Post # 6
It sounds like you are the fall back girl and that is all you will ever be to him.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
You talk like a girl with high levels of self worth. Act like one too is my advice. You don’t need this. You don’t need the insecurity and headaches. There is someone out there who would fight tooth and nail to keep you from being pried from his dead and bloody fingers. You just haven’t met him yet.
Post # 8
It sounds like you guys are addicted to the drama and chase of breaking up and getting back together. I can see breaking up once but twice..? No dice for me. Like a PP said, couples work through problems.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Sounds a little like one of my EX boyfriends, emphasis on EX. He would always want me back even when he broke up with me. It was always line after line of how I was the one. He once even told me “I was the Rachel to his Ross”….after getting hurt by him twice I was done. I had to completley cut off contact with him because it was the only way he even got the message that I wasn’t hanging around for him anymore.
I feel like the right guy should be one who would never even think of letting you go. Couples do fight and have issues but you need to be able to work through those together. If he can’t deal with the “pressure” and just leaves, waits for things to cool down, then wants you back, then the cycle starts all over again…it’s like you two are doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Unless one of you has really changed who you are, that probably won’t happen. You shouldn’t give in or settle on anything you really want either just to make things work with him.
Post # 10
sounds like my boat…we are on try number 3 and Im scared to death to marry him. I say run for the hills girl.. Im miserable and cannot figure out how to get out of the passive aggressive web of mess he has made without making myself look horrible and without losing my entire social circle with the exception of my family. If you are free-love it. when you meet the right one, there will be no questions.
Post # 11
This man is nothing but drama. If you like a relationship with a lot of roller coaster, take him back. If not, move on. He sounds just like my stupid a hole ex bf
Post # 12
You’re blinded by love right now but let me bring u down to reality as gentle as I can. You’re not his one. He wouldn’t put you on this emotional breakup rollercoaster if you were. You know you deserve better than this, keep moving forward..without him.
Post # 13
@NickiBee: my thoughts exactly.