Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Hi bees. I created a second account because I’m embarrassed about possibly doing this.
My SO and I just went ring shopping and found a ring that we both love. He can’t afford it right now, and I can’t see how he could even afford it for at least 6 months. We’ve talked about having me pay for some of it. I see it as the first step of marriage and marriage is a joint venture, so why can’t the ring be a joint payment? After marriage our bank accounts will be combined anyway.
I’m still deciding what I want to do mainly because tradition calls for him to pay for the ring. And he could always pick a cheaper ring. However, I don’t think he even wants a cheaper ring just because we both love this one so much. I honestly could care less about the ring and just want to marry him, but he’s not going to propose/get married without a ring. I also don’t want to keep delaying an engagement. He’s still not ready to propose, but whenever he is ready, I don’t want him to keep stalling just because he can’t afford the ring.
I want to give him the money, but I’m not sure if it is a good idea. It’s also a good amount that I could put towards paying off my credit card! What do you think?
Post # 3
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
We both paid for my rings ( i had 2) You are eventually are going to have to share money, so why not? I love, love, love my ring. I would say do it!
Post # 4
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
I would say no. I’m sorry, honey, but a guy goes into this knowing he has to get a ring. He can find a way to get a less expensive ring that looks like what you want, maybe a smaller stone or white gold instead of platinum… bottom line, if he’s not proposing yet, it’s because he’s not ready to, for whatever reason. Right now, it’s the ring. Next, it could be something else. Pay off your debt and make your combined financial situation stronger.
Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
we paid for my rings together – i dont think its ok to lumber a guy with thousands of dollars for a ring purchase and as we are suppose to be a team, equal partners in a relationship its something we worked together with to make happen
but him not being ready to propse is a different story – if hes not ready then dont force the issue
Post # 6
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
I don’t think it’s a problem, but if he wants to pay for your ring himself maybe he could eventually pay you back?
I basically took out a store account, we bought my ring, and Fiance made the payments on it before it accumulated interest. I would have been willing to pay for part of it though and will probably pay for my own wedding ring. It will be shared money anyways! (Already is for us since we live together).
Post # 7
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
Put it towards paying off your credit card and try to go into your marriage debt free… I’ve been married before, and I can tell you beginning a marriage debt free is so much easier and less stressful. Plus, I don’t advise buying things or going into debt together before you’re married. After you’re married, there’s a legal obligation, before there isn’t even if both people have honest and good intentions.
I don’t know what kind of ring you’re looking at, but you could talk to the jeweler about having a lab created stone put into it that you could upgrade later. That would lower the cost. The other option is to watch for sales. Put it on lay-away, and ask the salesperson to let you know when it goes on sale.
NEVER pay the price that the ring is listed for in the store. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS ask for a discount. Most jewelry stores allow their sales people to discount e-rings 20% or more. If the owner or manager is there, you might even be able to get a better discount. And always ask if that’s the absolute best they can do… I’m serious about this. People don’t think you can do this, but you absolutely can. You’ll be surprised how low they will go to make a sale.
Post # 8
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I think its totally fine to help pay for your ering. I saw our finances as combined at that point already, so if you need to help him out for your dream ring, go for it. The alternative is that he buys you a cheaper ring that you dont like as much… and then you end up upgrading down the road and the first rings money was essentially “wasted”. Do it right and to your satisfaction if its important to you. Though, I’m not sure that buying a ring that it sounds like both of you cant really afford is a good idea if you have credit debt to pay off.
Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee
I see no problem with it if it gets you what you are going to be happy with forever! but… the part about the credit card debt …
Post # 10
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
If you don’t mind contributing then I guess there is no problem with helping him out. Honestly, though, I am more traditional and I would be slightly upset if I chipped in for my e-ring. I’m not saying that YOU should feel that way…I’m just saying that you should do a little soul searching before you offer to help him pay for the ring. The last thing you want is to be secretly resentful or upset that you helped purchase your ering.
Post # 11
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
Who cares about tradition? As a PP said, it’s a marriage you’re entering into and joint ventures are to come. Ultimately your finances will combine so why not consider them to be combined now? And it doesn’t mean you’re forcing him to propose at all. You can give the money and then he can buy the ring and propose when he is ready and how he wants to. But I totally agree that a guy goes into this knowing he has to get a ring. Perhaps that used to be tradition but that is not a necessity now. You can be equals and consider this to be a joint expression of both wanting to get engaged, not just him asking you, and I actually think that’s more beautiful.
Post # 12
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I think it’s totally fine. I wanted to do this for my boyfriend, but he refused. I’m going to just pay for things he wants instead, so it turns out equal.
Post # 13
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
I think that’s one of those personal decisions no one else can make for you. Many PP have said they wouldn’t mind doing it at all. I would not. That’s just my preference. We will be paying for our wedding bands together but I wanted my Fiance to make that effort for the e-ring. I don’t mean for that to sound selfish, that’s just how I always believed it should be.
Post # 14
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
OMG I was going to put up a similar post!!!
The ring I love is $200 over budget, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to give Fiance the $200. 🙂 He’s OK with it, and nobody else has to know I paid for part of it. (It’s my fault for falling in love with such an expensive weddingband. lolz)
Tomorrow I’m doing a last ditch effort to find a cheaper ring that I <3. There’s a good jewelry store in a local flea market that my mother recommended. I’m going to go check it out.
<3
So my advice is to go for it!
Post # 15
Member
7 posts
Newbee
@thehoneybear: Lol, nice. Good for you for still trying to find one within budget! But if you absolutely love the other ring, I say that $200 is fair enough to not give up on that one! For me, I wish it was just a $200 difference over budget! For mine we are talking a LOT more. Ugh.
I’m attempting to do what you are doing and just searched online for a cheaper version of the ring I found. I just found something that I think looks exactly the same, is one step up in the color of the diamond (F to E) and is about $4000 cheaper! I’d still be giving him money, but not as much since we’d be getting a cheaper ring. Now I just have to figure out how to bring it up!
Post # 16
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
We paid for all three rings together. We are a team and share everything so why wouldn’t we share this burden? I think its silly the guy has to pay for it all himself anyway, its unfair to him :).
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