Post # 1
The women in my family have a tradition with their daughters. When the girls are young they get a gold charm bracelet with only one charm on one end of it with their initials and the date on it from their mom. Usually when they are 5-6 ish.
Then as memories are made, life events happen, mom gives new charms to add to the bracelet. The idea is that you build memories with your daughter and fill the bracelet with those memories. The one from my mom is my most treasured piece of jewelry besides my enagement ring.
As part of the wedding I want to give my step daughter to be her charm bracelet from me. She will be the perfect age and I really love the symbolism of it. It just seems like the perfect gift for her that day.
Here is the kicker: His family has kind of refused to acknowledge me as a parental figure to her. They get really uncomfortable when I do anything mom-like. In addition, my FI’s ex will likely be there.
I was initially thinking that I would just do as surprise for her as a part of the ceremony itself. I would give a little talk about how it is a tradition in my family, and how we are mother and daughter now, so we get to build memories together starting today.
I don’t wan my FI’s family making drama about this. They make drama about everything and it drives me nuts.
I also don’t want to make my FI’s ex uncomfortable. As far as I know she is totally ok with me and has honestly embraced me as a role in her daughter’s life. But I don’t want to test my luck.
Should I just say screw it! It’s my wedding and I am doing what I want.
Or should I give it to her either before or after privately?
Post # 3
I would say privately. The whole point of the tradition is for mom and daughter bonding so make it about the two of you and keep your wedding about the wedding. It’s awesome that you feel close to her but maybe putting it centerstage might make the daughter uncomfortable?
Post # 4
Can you ask her mom how she’d feel about you doing this at the wedding? Make it clear that you’re not trying to usurp her, but that you thought it would be a nice way to do something meaningful for her daughter during this transition.
Post # 5
Privately. Definitely privately. Avoid potential drama on your wedding day. You don’t need it.
Post # 6
I would have killed for my daughter to have someone like you in her life…the woman my ex dated for years and then briefly married hated my daughter’s guts. Anyhoo, it sounds like a wonderful tradition, and one you could continue by giving her charms to be added for her special milestones. It sounds like you and her mom are on good terms…would you be comfortable talking with her about it? If it was me, I would be totally on board with it. Also, I think it would be wonderful to give it to her on your wedding day.
Post # 7
do it befor the wedding–rehearsal dinner? or christmas present
Post # 8
@freshflowers: will the daughter be at the rehearsal? If it’s a smaller crowd, that might be an option. Regardless of what your fiances family thinks, it might be impactful on her security regarding her “place” in this new family if you did it with witnesses. Or, maybe with just her dad, at least?
Post # 9
I would start with talking to your Fiance about it. Not asking permision to give her the braclet, but as a “When do you think I should do this?” If you already have, great, but you didn’t mention it in your post.
Personally, I think a private moment with her will give you a chance to talk with her about the family tradition and what it means. It would also allow her to ask questions, even have a look at yours.
Also, what an awesome traditon.
Post # 10
I think the wedding is a bad idea because if you are expressing how you are now “mother and daughter” and her mother hears this she may cause some drama over it – unless you speak to her about it first and she is good.
There may be a good time either before the ceremony or during the reception where you can pull her privately to the side and give her this while explaining how important it is.
Or perhaps after the wedding is over – or just before (or the next day) you and your husband could present this to her together to make you feel more like a family.
My only concern about doing this at the wedding is how the rest of his family may react if they hear/see what is going on
Post # 11
Isn’t it an awesome tradition? I am giddy about picking out her bracelet. It is kind of surreal because the one from my mom is, like I said, so special to me.
Hopefully my step daughter’s will be as special to her.
Post # 12
I would do it privately, maybe the morning of the wedding or the night before. I wouldn’t really make it a part of the wedding ceremony because that probably will make her mother feel uncomfortable and may cause some awkwardness with the new in-laws if its made into a big public thing.
Post # 13
@freshflowers: I would do it privately, perhaps the morning of the wedding or at the rehearsal. If her mother wasn’t in the picture it would be different but I don’t think you should do anything like that in front of a huge crowd or anywhere that drama might be stirred.
Post # 14
I would do it before the ceremony and have the photographer capture the moment between you and her (and possibly the groom, if you’re doing a first look). I think it is a really sweet tradition and probably best to present it to her privately so other people cannot ruin the special moment. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 15
What a thoughtful & lovely person you are to do this for your new daughter…she is so lucky to have you as her stepmother and I’m sorry your FI’s family can’t see that. I agree with PPs that you should do this privately…it will make a sweet moment that much sweeter if shared between just the two of you. I am doing something similar with my FI’s daughters, who are my only attendants. I am giving them Add-a-Pearl necklaces for them to wear when I marry their Dad, then will give them individual pearls at every holiday/milestone until they have enough for a full strand. Someday I hope they will wear them on their own wedding day!
Post # 16
I definitely say give it in private.