Should I give up or fight on for my LDR?

posted 2 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Do you plan on being long distance forever or have you both decided for one of you to move to be closer to the other?

Post # 3
Member
4997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If you want to make this work, one of you will have to move to be with the other. Sounds like you’ll be the one having to move to her country. 

Post # 4
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Is there an end point to this long distance? If not, there’s not much of a point. 

Post # 5
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’ve been long distance, on different continents, and unable to see each for 8 months. But we knew that after those 8 months we’d be in the same country and agreed that within a year of being in the same country, one if us would move so we’d be in the same town. (It ended up being him, but that just depended on the work opportunities.)

If you are going to stay long distance, you need an end date in sight. Would you consider moving to where she is? Would she consider moving back to where you are?

Post # 6
Member
4604 posts
Honey bee

Well, neither of you sound like you want to be in this relationship.  At least not in its current form.

Your post makes no mention of what either of you are doing to end the distance.  Are you moving to be with her?  Is she moving back?  Because you should be fighting for your relationship, not for your “long-distance relationship”.  A long distance relationship without any actual plan to be together in a definite period of time is really two people in a pseudo-relationship who don’t like to be labeled “alone” but like not having the hassle or commitment of maintaining an in-person relationship.  It is like a vacation fling a couple times a year where you get to bang and do fun things outside the responsibilities of your normal life.  And then you trick yourself into thinking how great it is when you are together because who isn’t their best self and happy when they are on vacation?

So if your omission of what your plans are to not be long distance is because you don’t actually have plans and right now you are indefinitely long distance, then I would probably move on unless you really enjoy having a twice a year fling without the freedom to explore a possibly better situation for yourself the rest of the year.

Post # 7
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee

There are different types of relationships, LDR’s and different reasons why they are in an LDR. So I personally think it’s harsh to label somethig a pseudo-relationship if there is no end plan. It sounds like teh current situation is not working. You need to figure out what you want and what you are willing to do and what you are willing to compromise on. Are you willing to locate there? Would you be willing to relocate within your own country? Are you willing to go to a third country?. Then she need to figure out her limitations and what she wants. Then have a good talk where you come up with a plan on how to continue.

I was in an LDR for about 5 years (differnet reasons why it was for that long) and didn’t have a specific plan on how to close the distance. We live together now but it is not a permanent solution so I know how you feel. Finding own limitations is difficult since you know some solutions will break the relationship, but when you love someone it’s just so hard. But sometimes love is not enough and I don’t think that employment opportunities is the only defining factor in who moves.

Post # 8
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

Do you ever go visit her?  You made mention of her coming back twice a year but if those are the only times you see each other throughout the year then YOU are not making enough effort for the relationship at all! If you’re expecting her to be the only one traveling, that’s selfish and shows her that you’re not willing to meet her 50/50.

Post # 9
Member
3437 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

The fact that you’re “breaking up with each other” all the time makes me think that you two have other big issues that will arise even if you started living together.

Putting that aside — When do you two plan to move to the same place? This entire time that she’s been moving around and doing different things, has she considered you? Has she asked you to come visit, to move there? Have you done the same for her? If not, back to the “other big issues” issue. 

If neither of you are going to fairly naturally end up in the same place again, and neither of you consider moving to be extremely worth it, then please end this already. You’re wasting your time.

Post # 10
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

is there an end to the long distance or some kind of timeline? I wouldn’t want to be in an LDR that was indefinite, unless you’re working towards a specific future together then there’s not really enough to hold you together. 

 

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