(Closed) Should I go?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that’s definetly a complicated situation.  I would probably just send a card and have your Fiance pick it out (since you don’t really want to burn bridges with his family) but I wouldn’t go to the shower.

Post # 4
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d send a gift for the baby. Baby needs things. And that baby may need a lot of help in the future if teen mom and dad don’t get their acts together.

She’s 19…i’m surprised she hasn’t eloped with the dude.

I’d suddenly find myself “busy” though.

Post # 5
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ouch! What a dilemma! I agree with MissAsB. Ask your FH if he’d pick out a card and send that along. From what it sounds like your future in-laws already don’t like the way this girl acts so I don’t think they’ll be angry at you for not supporting her. 

But seriously? Once is an accident, twice is stupid and three times is just mental. Learn how to use contraception! Hopefully when you and FH are married she’ll look to you as a kind of a role model. Or you can be an unobtrusive one.

Post # 6
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Gift her a package of condoms. Anonymously of course =]

Post # 7
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I might be the odd one out here, but I have to say that I think you should go.  At least for the baby’s sake.  And to be supportive for the rest of the family (I’m thinking of his mom here).  Certainly the situation is not ideal, and you don’t have to approve, but family is family.  And you are joining his right?  I say grin and bear it.  It sounds like the baby will definitely need a supportive family.

Post # 8
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d send a gift and card, but not attend the shower. It’s not baby’s fault she’s stupid.I mean really…3 times?

your FI’s mom and I have the same birthday, funny! = )

Post # 9
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would send a gift for the baby, and a card, maybe saying something like: hoping the best for you baby!

Post # 10
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh! And I wouldn’t go! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@ejs, lol, I’d totally anonymously send condoms if it were me.

Post # 12
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Buy gifts that ONLY THE BABY can use (ie diaper, formula, etc.).  Do NOT give cash or gift cards because you know that’s not going to go straight to the baby.  The card should be: Dear Baby…welcome to the world! Or something along those lines.  Not, “Dear Soon to Be Mom! I’m so happy for you” Because obviously, you are not thrilled for the future of this baby given the not so responsible mom & dad.  Don’t feel guilty not attending the shower as long as you send a gift to the baby.  It’s kinda weird faking being “super happy for the mom” when you don’t feel she’s a fit mother.  Best of all….when the baby comes, give the baby ALL THE LOVE YOU CAN GIVE AS AN AUNT!  Lord knows the baby will need all the positive influences in his/her life. 

 

(While you’re out buying the gift for the baby, how about a box of condoms for the mom & dad?  Perhaps they can use it next time.  Just kidding.)

Post # 13
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think I would go, but I agree with everyone else… send a present and a card for the baby ;]

Post # 14
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What I would like to say in this situtation is that you ought not to go, just send a card with a gift card or present for the baby with your Fiance. However, what I will say is that you Should go. Don’t think of it as supporting crazy Future Sister-In-Law or her actions, but rather as supporting your Fiance (who is probably stressed out enough by the situtation as it is), as well as building unbreakable bonds with his family. I don’t know what your relationship with your Future In-Laws is, but this could only go towards strengthing that bond (or creating one, as the case might be) and showing them that you take joining your families together seriously. I disagree with my Future Brother-In-Law and his actions almost completely, but I still go to his birthday parties because it makes my Fiance and his family happy to know that I’ve taken the effort to be there, even if I’m not happy about it. And isn’t that what family is- doing stuff for them even when you disagree with them?

Post # 15
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think that buying a gift/showing up for the shower is necessarily equivalent to supporting her choices.  If it were me, I would go and bring a gift to show support for your future in-laws and the family.  Honestly, they’re probably going to have to give her and the baby a lot of support (financial, emotional, etc…) if she’s 19 and still needs a “babysitter” when her parents go out of the house.  They’ll probably pretty grateful to have a FDIL who is so understanding and helpful to the family!  🙂

Post # 16
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

who’s throwing the shower? if it’s her and your fi’s mom, i’d for sure go, to support your in-laws, who it sounds like may end up playing a large role in raising the baby. i don’t really think attending the shower necessarily signifies that you do agree with her actions, and i mean, it is your future niece. if the decision’s been made to keep the baby, then that’s kind of the end of discussion about whether you agree or don’t agree with her actions, anyway.

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