Post # 32
If it were me I think I would just attend and try to grin and bear it. Honestly, it’s easier to not cause waves. Burning less bridges is always a good option.
Making a point not to go because you don’t want to support her choice to keep the baby really wont help anyone so why bother singling yourself out?
Post # 33
I think it’s a personal decision to go or not to go to the shower, although I would probably go because the new baby will need all the good influences if can have in life and this may be a good opportunity to show that you care about the well-being of the child.
Is it possible that maybe it wasn’t an accident and she really actually wanted a baby? My Future Sister-In-Law (she is marrying my FI’s brother apparently this summer) is 19 and they have a 1 1/2 year old child and she has talked about wanting another child soon even though they can’t support the child they currently have. Unfortunately some girls want the “unconditional love” of a child and something that the can “control.” If she feels that she doesn’t have a lot of control in her life (ex. she can’t see or talk about baby’s father), this could (in part) be her way of showing that she can make her own decisions. Just a thought…
Post # 34
Regardless of how you feel about her this child will be your nephew and they (the girl and baby) both need a support structure for the baby to thrive. I bet it will mean a lot to you fils as well as fiance if you attend because like others have mentioned, this is a way to support them as well. I would try to go and get things baby will def. need.
Post # 35
Sigh, we have a similar issue with a much older Future Sister-In-Law…. but just as immature. I sent a gift (a very practical one- no baby outfits) to support the baby. Just keep in mind when you marry the man you marry the family… we almost had to take in my FSIL’s daughter because of the situation Future Sister-In-Law had herself in.
I’m so sorry that anyone has to deal with this situation, but try to be supportive of the baby, as the other Bees have said.
Post # 36
Ok ladies, first I want to thank you all for your fabulous advice! It really gave me some new perspective on the situation.
I’ve decided to go to the baby shower. Not for her, but for FI’s mom and the rest of his family. I know how worried his mom is and I want to be there to support her.
Last night I went to Target in search of a practical gift and this is what I came up with:
I bought a green plastic bin which she can reuse later for storage and in it is:
A pack of size 2 diapers
Baby Lotion, baby powder, and baby body wash
and a really cute rubber ducky
Once I started shopping for the gift I really got into it knowing it would help his parents (and her). And being that I am well me I had to do some sort of theme :p
Post # 38
Adorable! I think it was a good call to go to support the family not her particularly. I am sure FI’s parents are traumatized enough and your presence will bring them comfort.
Post # 39
That gift is super cute!!
And I don’t know if you’ve made up your mind or not, but I think you should go. The only reason I say that, is because if you are marrying this guy, you are marrying his family. There were SO MANY TIMES I wanted to bail on FI’s family stuff (because they are not particularily nice and I don’t agree with a lot of decisions they make), but I went. I thought of it as “practice” for life-long visits and parties. It’s totally okay to go with the intention of not showing HER support, but you can’t avoid his family (especially his sister who lives with his parents) your whole marriage. Set a good example of what an “adult” does!! 🙂 Good luck!!
Post # 40
I think that it a really awesome gift! I also think you are really doing the right thing in going to the shower. You don’t have to agree with Future Sister-In-Law decisions, but before you know it you will have a new nefew or niece to love and that it sounds like that baby is going to need you to be involved in its life.
Post # 41
The gift is fantastic, and I think it is great that you are going to support his Mom. Knowing that she has a wonderful FDIL to lean on will probably be a comfort to her. Bravo to you for doing what’s right out of respect for your Fiance, your Future Mother-In-Law, and his family, even if you don’t agree with his sister’s poor decisions.
Post # 42
I think the gift is great! Practical, too.
I just really hope the baby makes her grow up. There are too many babies out there with parents who haven’t taken responsibility =(
Post # 43
I think you made the right decision! And your gift is adorable.