should i go?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
rosenjasmine :  To be honest, it feels like you are only being invited now because someone else dropped out. That coupled with the fact people gossip about you doesn’t seem very nice. To be honest, if it were me I probably wouldn’t be going.

Post # 3
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

You definitely got a B-list invite. The question is, do you want to party with these people anyway? Sounds like you’re not that close. Would you have accepted before this bachelorette party episode?

Post # 4
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
rosenjasmine :  I don’t settle for being a runner up, and that’s exactly what this sounds like.

Post # 5
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I would definitely not go.  People can make their decisions on who they invite, but it is the height of rudeness to throw out a last minute pity invite.  No thanks.

Post # 6
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

rosenjasmine :  Do you want to go? It doesn’t seem like you do.

I echo PP’s stating it seems like a pity invite or B-list invite. I suspect it has something to do with the mutual friend ‘spilling the beans’ so to speak – so perhaps the bride felt guilty she didn’t invite you so she did it last minute.

It also really rubs me the wrong way that they invited you via Whatsapp. Like they couldn’t put the forethought or effort into sending you a proper invitation like everyone else?

Thanks but no thanks.

Post # 7
17 posts
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Las Vegas, NV

It is awkward to get invited via Whatsapp, at the last minute, seemingly out of the blue after that conversation with C. Clearly S didn’t give it much thought until C told her she spoke to you. It feels like you were an afterthought, unfortunately. Don’t jeopardize your peace by showing up to a party you weren’t *initially* invited to, only to most likely be gossiped about, during. If you love this person, you could have celebratory lunch after the wedding has come and gone just the two of you.  

Post # 8
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Yeah no,  don’t go.  It’s a last minute pity/ gift grab invite. Hard no from me. I don’t think I would even send an (empty)congrats card. I would respond in kind,  ie say “sorry but  I won’t be able to attend but congrats” via the same app she invited you on!  Lol.

Post # 9
758 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
rosenjasmine :  If you married ‘outside your community’ and small minded bigots choose to gossip about you, your husband is right that you don’t have to ‘hide’ from them as you’ve done nothing wrong. But you also don’t have to needlessly subject yourself to their judgment either. And a last minute whatsapp invite is hardly heartwarming, send her a brief ‘congrats’ via whatsapp and decline. 

Post # 10
525 posts
Busy bee

If I liked her, I’d go. 

I’m just going to be Loki’s Advocate here and say, since I’m going through my own invite list hell right now, it’s so easy to leave off even our favorite people. Then someone goes “oh I can’t wait to see so-and-so,” And my exhausted cheese-brain goes “oh shiiiiiiiiiii”

if I liked her, I’d imagine the best, and go.


if I felt indifferent or felt like this was a friendship that’s dragging me down even a little, I’d send a lovely card and wish her the best, and I’d really mean it because it feels good to forgive and take the high road. 

Id also, for my own peace of mind, not imagine too much about the gossip. People gossip for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they want to be brave enough to take the leap outside, too. Maybe they’re confronted by it, but learning. Maybe it wasn’t as much discussion as you fear. So many maybes. But we win so much when we believe the best … it sometimes shames people who actually do gossip, to see the actual person in front of them smiling, holding their head up, truly happy and kind, believing the best. 

I tell you- it’s more satisfying than anything to simply shine and succeed, to walk in confidence, graciousness and poise and imagine any gossip just falling right off your shoulders. 

I’d pretend I was Princess Kate, and go…

unless its : 1) too much energy spent 2) too much time or 3) too much money. 

In any of those cases, it’s not worth it at all. 

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