Post # 1
<div id=”post_message_7795617″>Hi everyone,
So a friend (S) of mine is getting married in 3 weeks. I found out via a common friend (C) who wanted to throw S a bachelor party and messaged me on fb about it. I told C that I didn’t know about the wedding but that I was very happy to hear the news and wished S and her husband loads of happiness etc..So a few days later my friend S sends me a message on whatsapp inviting me to her wedding and asking me to rsvp soon.
Should I go to the wedding? It feels kinda ackward now.
I invited her to my wedding & pre-wedding party last year and we had a lot of fun
Also, among her guest list are people who have been gossiping about me a lot ( i married outside my community, i’m from a strict religious background..long story) so that makes me not want to go, but my husband says that I shouldn’t hide from people like that.
What would you do?</div>
Post # 2
To be honest, it feels like you are only being invited now because someone else dropped out. That coupled with the fact people gossip about you doesn’t seem very nice. To be honest, if it were me I probably wouldn’t be going.
Post # 3
You definitely got a B-list invite. The question is, do you want to party with these people anyway? Sounds like you’re not that close. Would you have accepted before this bachelorette party episode?
Post # 4
I don’t settle for being a runner up, and that’s exactly what this sounds like.
Post # 5
I would definitely not go. People can make their decisions on who they invite, but it is the height of rudeness to throw out a last minute pity invite. No thanks.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
rosenjasmine : Do you want to go? It doesn’t seem like you do.
I echo PP’s stating it seems like a pity invite or B-list invite. I suspect it has something to do with the mutual friend ‘spilling the beans’ so to speak – so perhaps the bride felt guilty she didn’t invite you so she did it last minute.
It also really rubs me the wrong way that they invited you via Whatsapp. Like they couldn’t put the forethought or effort into sending you a proper invitation like everyone else?
Thanks but no thanks.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2020 - Las Vegas, NV
It is awkward to get invited via Whatsapp, at the last minute, seemingly out of the blue after that conversation with C. Clearly S didn’t give it much thought until C told her she spoke to you. It feels like you were an afterthought, unfortunately. Don’t jeopardize your peace by showing up to a party you weren’t *initially* invited to, only to most likely be gossiped about, during. If you love this person, you could have celebratory lunch after the wedding has come and gone just the two of you.
Post # 8
Yeah no, don’t go. It’s a last minute pity/ gift grab invite. Hard no from me. I don’t think I would even send an (empty)congrats card. I would respond in kind, ie say “sorry but I won’t be able to attend but congrats” via the same app she invited you on! Lol.
Post # 9
If you married ‘outside your community’ and small minded bigots choose to gossip about you, your husband is right that you don’t have to ‘hide’ from them as you’ve done nothing wrong. But you also don’t have to needlessly subject yourself to their judgment either. And a last minute whatsapp invite is hardly heartwarming, send her a brief ‘congrats’ via whatsapp and decline.
Post # 10
If I liked her, I’d go.
I’m just going to be Loki’s Advocate here and say, since I’m going through my own invite list hell right now, it’s so easy to leave off even our favorite people. Then someone goes “oh I can’t wait to see so-and-so,” And my exhausted cheese-brain goes “oh shiiiiiiiiiii”
if I liked her, I’d imagine the best, and go.
if I felt indifferent or felt like this was a friendship that’s dragging me down even a little, I’d send a lovely card and wish her the best, and I’d really mean it because it feels good to forgive and take the high road.
Id also, for my own peace of mind, not imagine too much about the gossip. People gossip for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they want to be brave enough to take the leap outside, too. Maybe they’re confronted by it, but learning. Maybe it wasn’t as much discussion as you fear. So many maybes. But we win so much when we believe the best … it sometimes shames people who actually do gossip, to see the actual person in front of them smiling, holding their head up, truly happy and kind, believing the best.
I tell you- it’s more satisfying than anything to simply shine and succeed, to walk in confidence, graciousness and poise and imagine any gossip just falling right off your shoulders.
I’d pretend I was Princess Kate, and go…
unless its : 1) too much energy spent 2) too much time or 3) too much money.
In any of those cases, it’s not worth it at all.