Post # 1
I moved overseas to be with my now husband. My mother refused to come to my wedding which I had in my new country ( i had it there due to money and it was easier for me to plan where I was living.)
so she didn’t come to the wedding, she didn’t help As I tried to include her but didn’t want too, she even talked my sister out of coming to the wedding as I was being mean to them and favoring my new family.
now I got to see my dad but not my mom and sister.
so my question is should I go back to see my mom and sister? I don’t want to go home as if I go home that’s my holidays and we won’t be able to start a family when we want too. And if we go know we won’t go soon after we have children as we won’t have the money.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t go. For various reasons, first she didn’t bother to attend your wedding, her daugther for such bad reasons (really you are giving more attention to your “new” family?).
Seconds, she turned your sister against you, and that it’s just bad and says alot about her personalaty.
And final, you don’t want to go, so deep down you feel that you have more important things to do. So in my opinion, I wouldn’t go, but that is something only you can decide.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
@gomeme201320131: I would. Many people may tell you that she was rude, and you are under no obligation to… And I kind of agree… Except
1) you moving away period was probably not easy on her emotionally
2) that emotional stress may have affected her reaction to your wedding being far away.
3) she is your mom and your future kids grandma. This wound needs to be healed.
4) these wounds are hard to heal long-distance.
5) If you are planning on starting a family, when is your next chance to fix this? After years of bitterness on both sides?
6) never have I ever regretted a trip home if I had been feeling a need. Not even when it was ungodly expensive and ridiculously short. If i have felt a slight desire to go home, even if it seemed inconvenient or crazy, I have spent so much money on 15 hour flights for 5 day trips, and never have I said: seeing my family was not worth that. It is always worth it. I think your situation is one of those: you have that inkling feeling that maybe you should go. . .
Post # 5
I would try to forgive your mother and sister. I live abroad and know how hard it is on my family. It’s sad, but most people consider their home country to be “normal” and other places to be “strange.” They were probably offended because they thought your wedding didn’t meet their expectations. Don’t let you wedding change the relationship you have had and will have with them for your whole life.
Post # 6
No you don’t have to go. I think it would be big of you to forgive your mom and sister for that and try to move on. But, now that you’re married and trying to plan a family of your own, you must budget your holidays and money in a way that goes with your goals. It sounds like buying a ticket back right now would not at all fit in with your family plans. It’s hard. I know, I also live abroad and I sometimes feel like a jerk when my family says something presumptive about me just “coming back” for whatever reason. I only have so much vacation time, and it literally costs us thousands of dollars to go back – particularly together – not to mention what gets spent on transportation and all sorts of other stuff when we’re in the US. I think they’re starting to get it, but I really had to be consistent on correcting a few uncalled-for comments when we announced a vacation somewhere (much cheaper, much closer) alone. I love my family and miss them dearly, but they are not entitled to every single dollar I earn or every minute of vacation time.
*hugs* hang in there.
Post # 7
@Mrs.LemonDrop: good to see I’m not the only one going through this.
It is really hard. I have forgiven my mom, we talk everyday but i dont want to go home. I have already seen home. If I go home I have to just stay with her as she won’t even travel at home! So I’d have to sit at home doing nothing. we asked her to travel with us around the country but NO. So to get my holiday and money’s worth I wouldn’t really see her anyway.
and I want to travel to this country I always wanted to go before having kids but wouldn’t be able to if I went home.
i mean fair enough if mI’m is going to travel and do things with her but no she won’t. I even asked if she wanted us to do a little civil wedding so she can be there…no didn’t want that too. So I don’t see the point in going.
But I feel so bad no to go but she also doesn’t show she wants us to go there. Like no respect for us coming to not even travel with us and let us have a holiday too.
Post # 8
@gomeme201320131: It’s really tough! Hang in there and try to be consistent for a few years. I gets better! My whole thing has also been “We need to figure this out NOW because once we have kids, I’m not going to have 2 sets of family (mine and inlaws) giving us grief because we want to take our kids somewhere that ISNT their house.” There’s been some silly holiday expectations in the past ,and I’m pretty sure that we’re getting closer to having that all figured out too. Thank god.