Post # 1
So my fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We got engaged in March of this year and have plans to get married next spring. The problem is, i cannot stop questioning whether or not going through with this wedding is the right decision. My fiance is a wonderful person; he is stable, caring, has a good job, loves me and treats me well. He is a great person, will be a great father one day, and would be a solid life partner. The thing that scares me is the lack of excitement I feel about marrying him. When he proposed earlier this year, I said yes- but my very initial reaction was kind of like, “Oh shit. I guess we’re doing this…” I’m 30 years old, so I’m at an age where I have lots of friends who were recently engaged/married. Whenever I talk to those friends/see their posts on facebook about how happy and excited they are to be spending the rest of their life with their partner, I question why I don’t have those same feelings about my own engagement. I just feel like there is a lack of connection between my fiance and me, and it makes me so nervous about this wedding. I keep having this nagging feeling that says “don’t do it,” but I don’t have a single justifyable reason why I shouldn’t. I did love him and we did used to have a connection–and I’m honestly not sure when it changed, but I just don’t feel it anymore. Is this just how relationships get over time– things get less exciting? I’m so scared that breaking this off would be the wrong decision– maybe this is just how relationships get after a period of time? I just feel so unsure and I’m not sure how to figure this out.
Post # 2
Your instincts are telling you something…listen to them! If I had, I would not be divorced now.
Post # 3
I don’t think you need some big obvious reason. If your gut instinct says “no” I’d say that is enough. Don’t drag him along any longer. Especially if he is a good, kind person. You both deserve to go find somebody you’re excited to marry.
Post # 4
You don’t need a big, glaring reason not to get married. It doesn’t have to be a bad relationship for it to be the wrong one. He doesn’t have to be a bad guy to not be the guy for you.
I’m just a stranger on the internet so I can’t say if you should or shouldn’t end the relationship. But I can tell you that my husband proposed after 7 years together and I was thrilled and excited to marry him. Now we’ve been together 9 years and that connection and spark is still there.
So maybe you just need to find a way to get it back or maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you.
Post # 5
coldfeet22 : “but I don’t have a single justifyable reason why I shouldn’t.”
The justifyable reason is that you don’t want to marry him. That’s enough.
This sounds like more than “cold feet” to me. It seems like you’ve kind of just been floating along in this relationship for a while now and probably should’ve broken up some time ago. No, relationships aren’t always EXCITING like they are in the movies, but you should be excited to marry your partner and spend your lives together. You shouldn’t just be doing it because you can’t really think of a reason not to.
My husband and I have been together for over 6 years now (married just over 1) and most days are pretty dull. But I literally feel like I fall more and more in love with him every day. I’m so excited that we’re on this journey together. If you don’t feel that way, don’t get married.
Post # 6
I think some of the passion naturally goes out of a relationship after years and years. My Fiance and I used to tear each other’s clothes off multiple times a day and that has definitely dropped off. But if your emotional connection has faded I think that’s a problem. When he’s not around do you miss him? When you come home from work and see him do you smile? When you think about the future and things you want to do, do you imagine him with you or are you alone?
He might be an amazing guy, but he still might not be the right guy for you. Do some soul-searching and try to figure out if he’s the one for you or if he’s a good place-holder.
Post # 7
While love does mature over time into something not-quite-butterflies every day you should still feel excited to be marrying someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That doesn’t mean there won’t be moments when you may not even like this person–most relationships aren’t rainbows and unicorns all the time–but the overwhelming feeling should be positive.
If you are really this unsure perhaps you should take a step back and reevaluate.
Post # 8
You said it all when you said I used to love him. However, If you’re unsure spending a few weeks trying to get the “spark” back might be worth the effort.
Sometimes people get so comfortable that they forget what it was all about. Take a bit of time and have a conversation with your Fiance. He deserves to know how you’re feeling.
Post # 9
coldfeet22 : What did you connect over so well before? Have either of you changed a lot? If you’re the same people, and it’s “just” that the spark is gone, I would think that would happen to you in other relationships, too, if you had them.
Post # 10
It doesn’t sound like you want to marry him at all, do the guy a favour and end it now rather than right before the wedding.
Post # 11
Facebook posts are fake AF. Why are you basing the success of people’s relationship on some bullshit posts on FB? I guess that’s what I don’t quite understand.
Post # 12
Not every person is excitable, I’m not. However if you are feeling a lack of connection that is a big issue.
Post # 13
You don’t need a glaringly obvious reason to end a relationship, it’s okay if your reason is just you aren’t feeling it anymore.
You need to be honest with yourself. If you can imagine a life without him, and you’re not wanting to invest anymore of yourself to him and your relationship, don’t get married. Break it off with him, so you can both find people you can’t live without.
Life is too short to not be happy. You won’t be happy 100% of the time, but you should be happy with your choices. When it comes to getting engaged and married, it doesn’t sound like you’re happy.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
Please don’t use what others post on social media to measure the success of your own relationship. Most people present a facade of how they want others to view them. I will say that of my friends who gush non-stop on social media, in reality they are actually in toxic relationships.
Post # 15
If you don’t love him, don’t do it.
I want to marry my Fiance because I can’t imange a life without him. I love him more then I could ever put into words.
Just this post tells me you don’t feel the same.