- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
This is going to be a long one, and it also might make me look indecisive and bad, but I just kind of need to vent this all out to make sense of my thoughts.
My friend (we will call her Sara) got married to her H when she was 18. I have known Sara since we were 3 and her H since grade school. With me, Sara has always been fun. We get along, love, love, LOVE to laugh, and we enjoy reliving memories from high school and earlier. Unlike me, Sara has always been a party girl and she has always been one of those really smart girls who acts stupid in front of guys to get attention, whether it be negative or positive. She likes to flirt, but she had never been untrue while dating her H.
After high school (2006) I went to college and Sara worked as a nurse at a hospital. We lived in the same city, but rarely saw each other, but when we did it would always be when she invited me to the bar to hang out and dance. If I asked her for supper she would always say she would check her schedule but it never worked out, so I just figured she was busy. She never went to college and got pregnant with their first child in 2008. I would say a year later we hung out, and she confessed that she was cheating on her husband with some other guy for months already and even had a miscarriage with this guy. I was stunned. I met this other guy one time, and this time when we hung out she just kept asking me what I thought of him, if I liked him, did I think he was a good guy etc. I told her straight up I thought she was being foolish and told her she needed to tell her husband, that she couldn’t have the best of both worlds.
Well, she ended up having the best of both worlds for quite some time until her husband found out and proceeded to call me on my cell while I was in San Diego trying to enjoy my brother’s graduation from Marine bootcamp. The reason he called me was because apparently she “used” me. She would tell her husband that she was staying at my house, but really she was staying with her boyfriend.
I was upset, reamed her out, told her never to pull that shit again. She was so sorry, and she said it was because she was scared. When shit hit the fan, her husband stayed with her anyway, and she and her husband got pregnant with their second child in 2011.
In 2012 I got married, and I asked Sara to be one of my bridesmaids. She was excited for me, and her son, my godson, was the ring bearer. I love him to pieces. She and her husband seemed very happy at the wedding, danced together, and even kissed in front of everyone for our “game” that we played. Because I got busy after the wedding and she was moving into a new house with her husband, we lost touch, only texting each other every so often to check in and make sure we each were doing ok.
We lost touch for months until in May I get a text from Sara asking how I was doing. I said great. I asked how she was, and she said not so good. I already knew from that response what it was going to be. She admitted that she was cheating on her husband (again). This time she had been dating a new guy since February. She kept saying, “Oh, he is the one. I know it. He’s a great guy, and I just feel so differently when I’m with him.” Well, I couldn’t care less about her new boyfriend at the time. I was more interested in hearing about why she did it again. She said she feels she just got married too young, didn’t go to college to experience dating, and just doesn’t feel good about herself anymore being with her husband. She doesn’t blame him at all. He’s a hard working guy who provides for his children. I asked her how she knows this guy is the one (she had mentioned that they want to get married already), and how does she know she ins’t going to do this again? She said it just feels different with him. I asked her if she was divorced. She said not yet. She kept asking me to meet this new guy. I told her I was refusing until she divorced her husband and made this situation right.
So her divorce is in the process of becoming finalized, so she texted me a few weeks ago and asked about meeting up with her again so I can meet this guy. In recent weeks she changed her FB name to his last name already even though they aren’t married, as far as I know, and she won’t tell anyone why. He is all she talks about. Even when I told her I was pregnant, she said, “OMG I am so excited for you!” Then followed up by saying, “You might be pregnant for my wedding or have a LO in time for it!” Which makes me ill to think about.
Ok, so trying to make this too long story shorter, I agreed to dinner to meet this guy, but now I am regreting saying yes. One, why is she seeking my approval so bad just like she did with the other guy? Does she just value my opinion that much or is it just becuase she needs validation? She has made plenty of other friends throughout the years because I see them in FB pictures with her, so she can gush to them instead of me right? Two, what does it really matter if I meet this guy? I still love her. I really do. She is so funny, and I love her personality, but I really can’t say I have much in common with her anymore except to share memories. I can’t keep up with her cheating lifestyle. I don’t know that lifestyle. I don’t know any of her friends, I haven’t seen the kids in over a year, she and I don’t talk weekly or even monthly sometimes. I also don’t understand what would come of getting together with this guy to meet him, and I think that is what bothers me the most. Can’t we just hang out as friends together and have supper? Why do I have to haul my husband, who is open to meeting this guy, but not the least bit enthused about my friend’s relationship, to a restaurant to meet another boyfriend? What does my approval matter?
Perhaps I’m just a shitty friend, and I should be happy for her, but perhaps I’m just tired of this high school type BS that I can’t relate to. I haven’t dated for 4 years, and while I move forward with life (marriage, babies) she is move backwards or stuck at square one. I just don’t know if I should suck it up and go, knowing that it would be a night out for dinner and company or if I should tell her to forget it, and I feel us moving apart and too different.
**And if it matters or not to anyone the reason I stayed friends with her throughout the cheating is because I don’t belive in breaking up a friendship because someone cheated on their husband. While I disgaree with it, it really had no affect on my friendship with her. What she did with her marriage is technically her business not mine.