(Closed) Should I go to her wedding? (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that she’s decided to let go of your friendship, and there’s really nothing you can do when the other person has checked out of the relationship. You’ve been trying and trying, and she’s not. I really don’t think there’s anything you can do. If I were you, I wouldn’t go to her wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Honestly, she sounds horrible. Sorry.

You’ve tried to help the friendship, she hasn’t. If she wouldn’t answer your calls and attempts to connect, then what were you supposed to do? Read her mind and figure out what was going on?! Plus, you went out of your way to be a friend–throwing her a party, sending her a gift basket. You can’t buy your friends and it sounds like that’s what she wants you to do…

You can wait for her to come back around, but I would probably let it go. The whole situation sucks, though.

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with the PPs.  

Spend the time with your hubby instead of going to the wedding.  

Postpartum depression often doesn’t go away completely without help.  Either meds or therapy or both.  Sometimes, it can actually lead into actual depression, depending on the person.  

Regardless, the ball is in HER court and it sounds like she’s dropping it.  Give her space and time and maybe she’ll eventually come around.  If not, it’s a shame but you did everything you could.  

On another note, she isn’t being much of a friend TO YOU.  just something to think about. 🙂

so sorry you’re going through this!!!

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with the others, but since you posted it, I think that there’s a really good chance that you don’t want to lose this friendship. I would ask her if she wants you there. It may be a good way to start the conversation.

Post # 8
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mrsworry: honestly, i’d probably do the same and just have it out with her.  tell her you feel like she already let go of the friendship, she didn’t acknowledge any of your nice gestures, she seemed like she wanted an out to going to your wedding, you planned your bloody honeymoon around her wedding and you barely feel like she has any interest in this friendship anymore.  furthermore, she herself is being a craptastic friend.  is she interested in really giving this friendship another shot, or is she done, because you arent a doormat.

Post # 9
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sounds like she may still be suffering from depression–which makes you see and feel things differently. She is still treating you lik sh**, but maybe there is an explaination.

Seems like the only thing you can do is write her a letter outlining how  you percieve the situation (like you did in your post), that things seem ackward and can you discuss it on the phone/skype? Tell her you love her and value the friendship too much to just let it go. After that, ball is in her court.

Post # 10
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KoiKove: I was wondering if she was still fighting with depression, myself.  It would certainly make sense.

good luck with this and I hope you can salvage the friendship!

Post # 11
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Relationships take BOTH parties to work on problems…if she’s not willing to do the work, then so be it.  Who gets upset because they don’t get a card or a gift? …puhlease…if she were any kind of friend she would try to listen to you and understand YOUR life and YOUR circumstances as well.  She sounds rather selfish.  Who doesn’t say thank you for a gift – especially one you didn’t have to send!?!  Depressed or not, she sounds like not much of a friend at all.

I would see how she treats your wedding and go off of that.  She is not coming to your wedding because you can’t spend time with her? (and the apartment thing…ok…kinda see that one, but she doesn’t have another $200 for a hotel bill?).  Will she be speding all her wedding day time with you?  I doubt it.  If she gets you a gift, then give her a very similar gift (price, etc).  Tell her you just can’t make it because of funds and leave it at that. 

Post # 12
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow, she sounds like a petty person.  To get angry at you for not sending her a card after you got her a gift and threw her a party?  And for sending her 1 year old child an ecard (which sounds so very thoughtful)??  Like her 1 year old child would be able to read a real card?  I think the child would’ve enjoyed the singing card more than anything.  Honestly, I know it hurts, I’ve been in a situation like this, but I think it is best if you let her go.  She obviously cares more about herself and material things than a friendship. 

I wouldn’t have even sent her what you did.  You are way too nice and I don’t think she deserves you as a friend.  I wouldn’t go to the wedding and maybe take the time you have planned in England to do something with your new husband in your home country.  Show him around if you haven’t already.  Take him places that are special to you that he may not have seen or know about.  It will be way more fun for you both. 

Good luck. 

Post # 13
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Honestly, I would go to her wedding. Just as the other bees suggested she could be still depressed. 

One of my best friends and I had a huge fight once, when I was down.

I felt like she wasn’t a good enough friend, and wasn’t there for me when I was going through a hard time.

We were drifting apart.

There were 3 of us, all 3 of us were the best of friends, you wouldn’t see one without the other two. 

Our other friend moved away, and instead of coming together, we drifted apart.

I felt like she wasn’t my friend anymore and I told her one day I don’t want to be her friend, and I was leaving beacause I couldn’t be here anymore and deal with everyone and everything.

She asked what about me and I said she was the problem too. That was that, we were no longer friends. 

I regretted it, but was too proud to say I’m sorry. 

I would call her blocked just to make sure she was ok. Make up excuses to why I had to text, because someone told me to tell her something.

We were nice and polite, but it wasn’t the same.

I completly lost my best friend.

The best friend who took off work two hours early, just to drive two hours to come get me when my boyfriend broke up with me.

Anyways, her birthday came and gone. I never went to her party, never sent her a card. Our graduation came around, we took pictures together for our families.

Never went to eachothers graduation parties, never even sent eachother a card.

When I hit rock bottom again though, she was still there, she would listen to me, and I would listen to her. It just wasn’t the same as before, as much as we tried to get it back to normal.

To this day I regret it so much, all because I was going through a bad time, and couldn’t see how amazing my friend is, and when I did realize it I was too proud to say I’m sorry.

We missed eachothers graduation.

All those years we grew up togeter, all the years we helped eachother through life and through school, and we lost the celebration of our accomplishments.

I am having two bridesmaids at my wedding. The girl I am talking about C is my maid of honor, and than our other best friend J is my bridesmaid.

I love them both, and they are both amazing friends, but when C and I went through that, even when things got really bad, she was still there.

We lost the friendship we had and started something even better. We realized that we don’t ever want to lose our frienship again.

Friends are so important.

We missed a big steeping stone in eachothers lives.

Do you really want to look back and think why didn’t I go, and regret it?

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