(Closed) Should I go to my ex’s funeral? (the biological father of my two kids)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you go to your ex's funeral? (Your 2 kids biological father)
    just you go : (41 votes)
    23 %
    Dont go : (34 votes)
    19 %
    You and the kids should go : (91 votes)
    51 %
    Toss of a coin; too hard of a question : (12 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    12973 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think this is such a personal decision that only you can make it.  If your children wanted to go, or if you think emotionally they could handle it, it might be important for them to say goodbye to their biological father.  But if he never had a role in their lives, it might be confusing.  It also might be helpful for you to go and get closure on an awful situation.  At this moment, any control and power he had is 100% gone, with no lingering chance that he could hurt you again. 

    Good luck in whatever you decide.  I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1576 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would, simply because he was the father of my children and to pay respects to his family.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would go to pay my respects.  As far as taking the kids, I think you know your children better than anyone else. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It’s a tough situation, but I personally think that you and your kids should go. While your kids may not feel like going now, it can helpful to get closure and they may later regret skipping their father’s funeral.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    What a tough situation.  I’m so sorry.

    Funerals are often about support for the family.  If his family has been good to you, and if your emotions can take it, I would say go.  Maybe think about it this way: If you had an older friend who’s adult son did the same thing, would you want to be there to support that friend? If so, then I think it would be a nice gesture for you to go. 

    That’s if you can take it emotionally though. You would have every reason in the world to want to avoid it in order to avoid bringing up old wounds.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    First off, I’m so sorry you lived through such a nightmare. I can understand being conflicted about your feelings. This is a very personal decision. I suppose I would go if only out of respect and wishing his family well and to say a final goodbye to the man who gave you two children. But again, it’s really personal and it’s totally your call.

    Post # 9
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    If you are close with his family then I would go to show support for them.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think if you can manage it, it would be nice to go to support his family, who you said have treated you very well. I think his other children who you helped raise would also appreciate it if you went. But, if you don’t want to go, or think you can’t handle it you won’t get one ounce of judgement from me. And finally, I am so sorry that you had to live through all of that.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Its entirely up to you if you want to go or not. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to go. Do what you think will be best for yourself in the end. 

    Do you think you would regret not going 10 years from now? It may bring some sort of closure. 

    *hugs* im sorry for what happened to you and so happy that your with a wonderful man now

    Post # 12
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My biological father was in my life until I was 3 years old. During those years, he beat my mother and put her in the hospital more times than I can count. Eventually, she left him – THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE!

    My, now, father adopted me when I was 5 years old. (Best day of my life)

    Anyway, I would NEVER go to my biological father’s funeral. I would NEVER want my mother to bring me around his family. I have not been in contact with them since I was 5 years old, and I NEVER want to see them/ hear from them/ or communicate with them in any way. Ever. I know that they aren’t the one’s who hurt my mother.. but I still cannot think of those people, without associating them with him. (obviously)

    If your children are anything like me – later in life, they will appreciate not going.

    That’s all I can personally say about it.

    I would not go.

     

    Also, you owe nothing to him. His family should also be able to understand that.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Man, that’s tough. I think this is a personal decision and there’s no wrong decision that you can make. 

    ETA** Kuddos to you on surviving such horrors. I work in DV so I see a lot, and cannot imagine what you’ve been through.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Do you think maybe you could find a time to meet with his family privately maybe after the funeral to just give them a hug and offer sympathies? Since they have been so good to you. That seems like the only reason you’d go anyway.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    No. What good would it do for you or him? If you feel like your story with him is closed, then let it be. No one would think poorly of you. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee

    @ForeverBlessed:  I think this opinion may help the OP – thanks for sharing!  

     

    I agree, it’s a very personal decision.  To be honest, I think you should go with your gut on this one.  And, if your gut tells you not to go, don’t.  As long as your children are okay with the decision.  While reading this, my first instinct was HELL NO.  But it’s not up to me to decide.  This man almost killed you.  You should NOT feel guilty if you choose not to attend his funeral.

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