(Closed) Should I go to my oldest friend’s wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hm.. SO, are you not wanting to go because of your feelings?  Or because of the mandatory attendance at the work-related program?  I though you could not go because of the program, then at the end you say, “but I feel terrible going all the same.”  Why do you feel terrible?  Because your friendship has become strained?

I am just trying to help you work it out.  Be honest.  And if you can’t go for work, then you can’t go.  However, friendships take work (as you know!) and I think of them as (for the most part) un-conditional.  It is natural to grow apart when you are long-distance, it is hard!  I would not let your feelings affect whether or not you go- unless you really think it is worth giving up this friendship. 

Post # 4
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Ditto what cbee said.  I think you should go unless the work program precludes you from going.

Post # 5
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Shes your friend and your Maid/Matron of Honor. I would do whatever I could to be there regardless of you not being in her wedding party. I understand that it hurts to not be included but maybe she sees you drifting apart and decided not to put you in her wedding. I don’t think she owes you an explanation because it’s not going to make you feel better. If you can’t go because of work, I think that you need to bring it up as soon as possible. However, are you just using work as an excuse not to go? I think you really need to think about what her friendship means to you and how you both would feel if you did not attend. 

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry you are going through this. It can be hard to make life changing decisions. I was my bf’s Maid/Matron of Honor in 2003, and we have been bf for 20 yrs, and she but when I moved away almost two years ago it has gotten harder for us to find time to talk. She is always busy and when I call I get the same response, “I am busy call you back” and a week goes by then a month and still no word. Honestly, it has been this was since she got married. So when I got engaged I didn’t ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor I asked my youngest sister. I have 4 sisters and 2 nieces so they are my bridal party. Distance can be hard on all relationships not just bf/gf. I personally would ask her about it. Yes, it might start an argument, but if you are bf I feel she owes you an explanation. If my bf asks me I will tell her it is because she is never available and I know I won’t be able to count on her if I need her to do something. Plus I tried to ask and if I couldn’t even get 5 minutes to ask her then I know how the next 8 months will go. I had to reasons for asking her, one because she is my bf and two because I hated choosing between my sisters, but we all talked about it so I fell better. 

Sorry to vent on your post I just wanted to share with you my story and how I went through a similar situation. Good luck on making the decision on whether or not to attend the wedding. I would talk it over with Darling Husband and ask his feelings about your job opportunity verses giving it up to go to her wedding.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you don’t go will you regret it years from now?

Post # 8
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had a similar situation.  i went to the wedding (the church bit) but not the reception, knew someone else getting married same day (not a close friend or anything) so went to that reception instead.  She wasnt very happy but I felt ok that at least i showed up for the main bit.

Post # 10
Member
16 posts
Newbee

You should probably go if you two are close enough friends that you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. If the friendship has deteriorated, however and neither of you have made much of an effort to keep the friendship going strong, I think you have some good excuses not to show up. I take it you’d have to travel for the wedding, and you also have this program that requires mandatory attendence. You may travel the whole way to her wedding, only to find her stand offish like she has been to you lately. This will definitely make you regret making the trip. I would honestly assess your friendship, is it worth it? Is it worth traveling, and missing a class, IF she were to just ignore you the whole time? It’s your call. Either way, definitely send a gift.

Post # 13
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@erin_michelle:  I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I know that I personally had to just let our friendship fizzle away because I was tired of feeling the way she was making me feel. I think that her being a mom and wife along with working part time has just made her too busy for everyone else. Then you add the distance (me in OR and her in AZ) into the mix and it just got to be too much for her. It is sad, but I am not a priority in her life anymore so I am learning to move on. I will find a new bf one day, for now I am happy with it being my Fiance. Good luck sorting everything out. If you need to chat feel free to private message me anytime. 

Post # 14
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

I might be the only one but I feel like taking that class for your job is more important. I think trying to do things to maintain/advance in your job is a higher priority than skipping that opportunity to go to a one day event. That’s just me though.

Post # 15
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Don’t go !!!take the the accounting program is a great opportunity

Post # 16
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think she’s being pretty clear about her feelings for you tho in a pretty passive aggressive way. Tell her now, right away about the course. It will seem like bs a bit, but it’s clear that she doesn’t value the friendship. I live away from a lot of my friends but still make time for the ones who matter. 

 

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