Should I go to the wedding?

posted 5 months ago in Family
  • poll: Should I go to the wedding?
    Go : (38 votes)
    79 %
    Not go : (9 votes)
    19 %
    Other (explain in comments) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    383 posts
    Helper bee

    My first thought would be that no, you are in no way required to go to the wedding of someone you dislike and who has made life hard for you.


    BUT the rest of your post makes it sound like your boyfriend is going either way and in that case I would say that yes you should accompany him. You don’t have to be happy for the brother and you sure as hell don’t have to act like nothing ever happened, but you should go with your boyfriend, enjoy his company, meet his extended family members, and be the bigger person.

    Post # 3
    760 posts
    Busy bee

    bambii :  I would go. You obviously plan to stick with your boyfriend for a while and you not going is just another thing the brother will hold over your head. Don’t let this one bitchy couple keep you from meeting the other important people in your boyfriends life. 

    Post # 4
    268 posts
    Helper bee

    bambii :  Honestly, the thing that would probably piss them off more than anything is if you show up looking fantastic and happy with your boyfriend.

    Post # 5
    8030 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i would go to the wedding, to support my boyfriend.  and i would go to the rehearsal, since you would both be invited to that.  but i would skip the shower. why is the shower the same weekend as the wedding?

    Post # 6
    4993 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Go for two reasons: 1) support your boyfriend during a sucky day and 2) keep the rumors down; it’s a lot harder to convince extended family that there is something wrong with you if they met you at a family event and liked you just fine.  If you don’t go, it’s easily twisted to make you look bad.

    Post # 8
    1740 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    bambii :  how serious are you and your boyfriend? do you think you’ll marry him? if not, then i don’t really see any point in going. but if you see a future for the two of you down the road, then it’s probably best not to be the woman who boycotted the BIL’s wedding – those are your future family, and people with whom you’re going to interact the rest of your life (and i don’t just mean the BIL, but the whole family – they’ll all remember that you didn’t go to the wedding). do you want to be that woman to your in-laws? or, despite how nasty they have been to you, would you like to be the bigger person?

    Post # 10
    5036 posts
    Bee Keeper

    bambii :  

    In that case , yes go and look your absolute best and be gracious and charming and thus  piss them all off royally.  

    Oh, and if you don’t go to the shower , make sure you send  your gift to it and have a good excuse to give for not going.

    Post # 11
    382 posts
    Helper bee

    I would probably say I couldn’t make it in for the shower because of flight times, etc. I don’t think this is necessarily a place to make a stand, but there are a lot of good reasons you wouldn’t be able to extend your trip for the shower. But definitely go to the wedding. Not only will it prevent a rift in your BFs family, but your BIL and his wife will be so busy on the day of that you will probably be able to just hang out with BF and meet his family without interacting much with the couple at all. 

    Post # 12
    42 posts
    • Wedding: June 2017

    If it were me and I had the possibility of going (time off of work, money for the flight), I would want to be with the man I love during a hard time for him. Facing family struggles together will make your stronger down the road. Even if he’s acting ambivalent, maybe he’ll really appreciate having somebody there who’s on his side. 

    Maybe it would be helpful if you reversed the roles. What if you were the one stepping down as MOH and dreading a wedding in your family? Would you want him there? 

    Maybe talking with him more about it, or discerning how he seems to be feeling, even if he doesn’t really want to talk about it, will help you see how best to support him in this situation.

    Post # 13
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Be bigger people and go. Not going will fuel further resentment and drama.

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