Post # 1
I’m really looking for some advice on this one , i’m a 31 year old guy from the uk and my best mate is getting married and i’m the best man , Now all was fine until he said he was getting married in Barbados! So then he just said to me I was invited and am the best man but I was to pay myself and should just treat it as my holiday for the year ! ( not that I can afford to holiday every year) I don’t own my own place yet and would love to be on the property ladder within 5 years ,i’m also self employed, he told me the holiday was going to cost me £1000 but then when he booked it it came to £2200 so me being self employed with no holiday pay it’s looking more like £3000 , not to mention i’ts not really my type of holiday sat on a beach on a desert island is not my scene, also everyone else that is going is wealthy and sharing with a partner. Now here is the question ……If you were me would you go , I dont want to let him down and would love to be his best man but for £3000?? It will take me about a year to save that up. Please give me some advice and thanks in advance
Post # 3
If you can’t afford it, don’t go, and tell him as soon as you can. This is always a risk when planning a destination wedding, and hopefully he’s considered that.
Post # 4
Definitely talk to him and tell him that unfortunately, this is way out of your budget and you simply can’t make it happen.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Johntheplumber: I say you should gracefully bow out of the wedding. We regularly remind couples on here that throwing a destination wedding may mean that some guests and bridal party members (like a Best Man) may be unable to attend due to the cost of the trip. I would still recommend getting them a congratulatory card and gift to show that you support their marriage, you just can’t afford such and expensive trip right now.
P.S. It’s better to bow out now so they can find someone else to serve as best man or reconsider their plans to have a destination wedding. Nothing is worse than promising to go and then bailing out at the last minute.
Post # 6
Thank you so much for your quick responses, I think i’m going to have to talk to him but like one of you said if you’re going to plan a wedding 5000 mils away some people are not going to be able to afford it. Is a shame as hes excited i’m going.
Post # 7
John, you have both common sense and kindness. You sound like a very nice person.
Common sense tells you it would be silly to go on a vacation you cannot afford to a place you do not want to go leaving a business that requires your personal attention — just because your mate’s girl has a whim for a “unique unforgettable destination wedding.” My parents married at the registry office in the clothes they were wearing with just the office staff for witnesses — but you know, they never seemed to forget that they were married. Your friend and his bride could just walk down to the local church and make it easy on everyone, but they have a right to their choice — and to its consequences.
Kindness tells you to try to mitigate the natural consequence of a destination wedding — which is that the couple won’t have the supporting presence of any friends or family except those who are wealthy enough to travel at the couple’s whim, or willing to incur financial hardship at the couple’s whim. I am thinking that if your mate is as kind as you are, he would not want you to incur that kind of hardship. He must simply not have thought about it from your perspective.
Post # 8
Yes definitely talk to him — bring up the financials of it, and just say that although you are very excited for him and would love to be there for him, that the cost of it is just too prohibitive for you at this time in your life.
I too was a bride planning on having my wedding in the islands, but the cost to my friends and family is exactly why I changed my destination wedding plans… I could not stomach having my friends and family pay out around $4000 per couple just so they could attend my wedding. Not all brides however see it that way and some are set on a destination wedding to a particular location…but they do have to realize that if you set it somewhere exotic, then not everyone can come.