Post # 1
I just got a wedding invitation from an old co-worker and I can’t decide if I should go to the wedding or not. We worked together over 2 years ago and see each other maybe every 6-8 months or so, and email maybe ever 3 months or so. We don’t really have much in common (aside from the fact that we once worked together) so I’m not really sure why we still keep in touch and I don’t consider this person a close friend.
She is having nearly 300 people at her wedding and even still, I’m wondering why she invited me and wondering if I’ll even know ANYONE else there. Her wedding is also on a weekday which requires both myself and my fiance to take a day off of work. We live in the city so we’d also need to rent a car (@ $115 for the day) to get to her wedding in the suburbs. And don’t forget the gift (@ ~$100).
So while I feel like a terrible person for thinking this, I really just don’t want to go. I think she’ll be upset (the last time we got together we talked about wedding planning) but between the weekday, the money (Hello, we’re paying for our own [albiet very small] wedding!), and the fact that we’re not close I just can’t come up with a good reason to go other than "I feel bad."
And if I don’t go, what should I write on the reply card?
I apologize if this post made me sound like a horrible person but I’d really like some opinions on the matter, especially if anyone else has been in the same situation! thanks guys 🙂
Post # 3
No, don’t go, just politely decline and send back your RSVP ASAP, you can just write on the card that you’re so happy for her and best wishes for a beautiful marriage. Or, if feel like it, buy a nice wedding card and include the RSVP with it. Don’t feel guilty! You can’t and don’t want to go, an invite is not a summons. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
You don’t seem super close, and if it is a financial burden, I think it’s fine that you decline. This isn’t your best friend, nor an intimate wedding, after all. Make sure you tell her that you’re so sad you’ll be missing her big day, and be sure that whatever you tell her on the decline card is the truth! You don’t have to flat out say you can’t go because of the financial strain, or you simply don’t want to go, but it’s better to just be vague, rather than lie. Good luck, and don’t feel bad 🙁 Weddings are expensive for not only the couple, but the guests, too!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t go. Just tell her that you guys can’t get any time off and that you’re so sorry to miss it. Then send a nice gift.
Post # 6
You do not sound like a horrible person at all! I think it is very nice of you to be so considerate of her feelings, considering you are not very close.
I don’t think it is necessary for you to go. All things considered, it doesn’t sound like it would be very easy for you to make it. I think Ms. Penguin is right on with the card and about being vague!
Post # 7
I wouldn’t go. I would just send a regretfully decline on the RSVP card. There isn’t really a need to give a reason, just that you won’t be able to attend. I don’t think you should over think this situation. The economy is tight right now on everyone. And with 300 people invited on that actualy day I doubt you will be terribly missed (although I’m sure you have a bright personality and are an amazing person).
Post # 8
I agree – you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Your reasons have nothing to do with her personally or your view of her marriage. Just write a sweet note and send back the card. Especially if you talked about wedding stuff the last time you got together, you can express an interest in seeing photos and hearing about how everything went.
Post # 9
Hm… Personally I would go… but money is never really an issue with me, even though I don’t have a lot of it… I think I would value my friend more than the money I would have to spend on them, even if we weren’t very close.
some of my closest friends now, weren’t very close in the beginning.
she might turn into a very close friend in the future (ie when you guys have kids and might have play dates), and you might regret not going to her wedding. ^_^
Post # 10
Wow, you talk to her/see her more than I actually see some of my close friends! Perhaps she values your friendship more than you thought.
I’d say that if you really don’t want to go, then RSVP with decline, you don’t need an explanation but you could write "Sorry to miss the big day!" If she asks you later you can let her know that with timing and finances, it just won’t pan out.
Post # 11
I agree. I’d not attend. And let her know that you can’t get off work.
Post # 12
Yeah, I agree that you can decline by simply saying, "Sorry we won’t be able to attend…" And really, if it’s that inconvenient to go, you shouldn’t feel guilty. IF she’s going to have her wedding during the middle of the week, she has know some people will not be able to attend just because of that.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t feel too guilty about not going–I agree that a vague "I’m so sorry we can’t make it. We wish you and [groom] all the best and I can’t wait to see the pictures! Congratulations!" or whatevs would suffice. You’re not intimate friends, which also helps turning down the invite.
I agree with Tanya–weekday weddings can be a hassle for anyone not in the immediate area so she must expect a certain number of guests won’t be able to make it.