(Closed) Should I have a bridal party? Can't decide!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I have a bridal party?

    Yes - you'll regret not having bridesmaids

    No - it sounds like you could include them in other ways without the title

  • Post # 18
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @peonyinlove:  We skipped on a bridal part (except for the best man)

    Best decision ever!  No fuss, no muss.  No cons in my book!

    Post # 19
    Member
    9126 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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    @KatiePi:  + 1  We are like non-bridal-party twins! All of this was our exact experience and I would do it again this way in a heartbeat! 

    Post # 20
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @peonyinlove:  I voted no – i actually planned a bridal party – even asked my friends, and ultimately changed my mind. The reasons behind it are different – we have our two kids (one boy one girl) in the wedding, my fiance wouldn’t have had anyone else on his side, and we are doing a destination of maybe 15 people total including us and the kids so it didn’t make much sense to have 2 or 3 of my friends standing up with me out of the 6-8 who are coming. My friends are still planning parties for me, and they will all be there helping me get ready the day of. it just made more sense for us.  

    one thing i haven’t seen mentioned…is pictures. that was honestly my biggest concern when choosing not to have a bridal party. I really did want those pictures of me and my girls in their matching (or evening mismatched-matchy) dresses in my wedding colors. in my case it’s really no big – with a wedding so small we will have plenty of pictures with everyone….but if you are having a traditional wedding, it might be something to think about.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1606 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @peonyinlove:  I had what I called “not-bridesmaids.”  I was going to type up my explanation of that, but this is easier- here’s the email I sent them asking them to be a part of our wedding.

    Hi ladies-

    I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m getting married.  Each of you have been an integral part of my life and my relationship with Tom, and while I don’t see some of you often, I still hold you dear to my heart.  From the original mayor of my mentourage (S,) to the sounding-board of my ring neurosis (T,) and to my Double-Wife (D,) and from those who know me best (M,) and to she who saw it all coming from a mile away (V,) I owe you all my relationship, my happiness and my sanity.  My life would not be the same without any of you.

    As such, it would be my honor for each of you to be my NotBridesmaids.  As a Not-Bridesmaid, you are required to do nothing but come and enjoy the day (and likely listen to me talk about it for the next 5 months.)  You will not be asked to buy a dress, throw a party, wait on me or spend a dime.  I would, however, love for each of you to come to our small, intimate ceremony on our wedding day, which will be taking place before the reception at CClub, and will be officiated by V.  And if you’d like to come to my hotel room (which will be close-by) earlier in the day of the wedding to get ready, all the better.

    Since you are a Not-Bridesmaid, there’s no pressure to respond or “accept” if you don’t want to.  I just want you each to know that if I were going to go the “traditional route,” all of you would be on my short list.

    I love you all, and I can’t wait to party with everyone!

     

    Sorry thats small, don’t know how to change the font.  Anyway, it worked out swimmingly, all of them came to get ready with me and we jointly planned a “bachelorette party” (a day trip to a vineyard.)  I got them all gifts because I love them, but they were not expecting it.  I didn’t have a shower, so no need to worry about that.  I’m really happy I went the way I did- honestly, I dont know who would have been my MOH- they’re all equally important to me in different ways.  Plus, this way there was no pressure to dress shop, spend a ton of money or really do anything other than have fun.  I highly recommend it!

    Post # 23
    Member
    604 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I wanted a very small wedding party but it ended up growing.  I had 4 girls, which still isn’t that big.  My Maid/Matron of Honor was amazing!  She was such a big help through every step of the wedding.  I’m so glad I had her …but I think she may have been just as helpful if I didn’t have a bridal party at all, that’s just the kind of friend she is.

    If I were you, I’d have a small bridal party and not include the friend that you’re worried about.  It’s not worth having the added stress.  Even though they don’t live closeby, maybe you can do something a day or 2 before the wedding once everyone makes it to town, like a nice dinner out in leiu of a bachelorette and shower. 

    Whatever you decide, it’s fine.  I worried too about a lot of wedding details but really it’s just one day out of the many you’ll have with your husband!  As the months go on, the things we did or didn’t do matter a lot less.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

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    @peonyinlove:  I think having your 2 girlfriends with you would be good

    Post # 25
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: ...

    @peonyinlove:  It sounds like you have good reasons for skipping a bridal party – I would skip it, but tell your friends that you would love for them to get ready with you in the morning, etc. And for the one friend who would be hurt not being a bridesmaid, maybe have her do a reading or something to make her feel honored?

    Post # 26
    Member
    1934 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

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    @peonyinlove:  I tend to be pro-bridal party, and here’s why:

    -Like another said, most of the drama is created by the bride and her own expectations or attitude towards certain things. I have 7 BM’s and so far no drama.  I also do not center my entire attitude towards each of those friends based on how involved or excited they are.  they are all over the country and I do not expect any of them to fly to every single wedding related event— just the wedding.

    – bridal shower help— neither my mom nor my Future Mother-In-Law would have wanted to the entire responsibility of the bridal shower.  They all worked collaboratively to plan and I think that made everything much more awesome!

    -I want my girls standing up there with me.  They just mean a lot to me and supported me through years of dating ups and downs, so I feel it’s special to stand up next to me while I say I do to my groom

    -They all had me in their weddings (the majority of them that are married, anyway). This doesn’t make it an obligation on anyone’s part, but it certainly feels right to give them the honor back…

    Post # 27
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m not having a bridal party but I’m getting ready with a few of my close friends and one of them is doing a reading while another is going to be my official “dress-straightener” and ring-holder.  There are definitely other ways to get your friends involved!

    Post # 29
    Member
    4813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @peonyinlove:   We’re having a Best Man and a Best Woman.  No showers or bachelorette or anything, just a nice rehearsal lunch.  No stress!! We’re very happy with the decision.  🙂

    Post # 31
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m a HUGE advocate of not having a bridal party.  We chose not to have one, and it was definitely one of the best wedding decisions we made.  Bridal parties are completely unecessary, and in most cases not worth the extra money and hassel. Believe me, you will not miss a “bridal party experience.”  That is not a con.

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