(Closed) Should I have a father/daugher dance when FI can’t have a mother/son dance?

posted 8 years ago in Music
  • poll: Should I have a father/daughter dance when FI can't have a mother/son dance?
    Yes, if FI thinks you should : (40 votes)
    93 %
    No, if you think it will bring up a lot of sad emotions for the guests : (3 votes)
    7 %
    Other alternative (see comment) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think you should still have it if it is important to you and your dad.  Is there another female relative that your Fi is close to that he can dance with? Maybe you can have him dance with someone, or maybe your mom if that feels right, at the same time that you dance with your dad so is is a little less formal.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    A father/daughter dance is really traditional. A mother/son is a little more “new”, although people have done it for years.  I either really don’t see it that much or really aren’t paying attention. Unless this is crushing to your fiance, I wouldn’t worry about it.

    Because my father died 16 years ago, there obviously isn’t going to be a father/daughter dance.  I am going to do a parent/child dance so it won’t be so awkward.  If my step-sister doesnt’ come, I will ask my step-father to dance.  If she does, I will ask my dad’s best friend.

    Post # 5
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m in a similar situation!  I’m pretty close to my dad, so I’d like to do the dance.  But, SO ‘s parents are both deceased.

    I mentioned him dancing with his eldest sister or great aunt, but he’s unsure.  He thinks it might seem disrespectful to his late mother.  (I’m not sure how, but she just passed a few months ago.  I don’t wanna push him.) He thinks I should do the father/daughter dance.

    Anyway, I was thinking if he absolutely doesn’t want to dance with his aunt, my dad and I just may dance together, without a big announcement. 

    I don’t know.  I’m so emotional/confused/sensetitve about it.

    I know how you feel!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Ms. MoxieMonkey:It is extremely difficult to get married without your dad.  Excrutiating without your mother.  Until you go through it, you will never understand.  I am not trying to insult you, just try to give you an idea of your FI’s perspsective.  Go with what works for him.  Sadly one day (hopefully a long time from now) you will fully understand.  A couple months is just way too soon.

    Post # 7
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    if you feel the need/want to do a father daughter dance, then so be it. i am the world’s BIGGEST daddy’s girl. (i don’t have a mom) i couldn’t EVER imagine not having that special moment with my dad. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee

    My best friend got married back in June, just a little over a year after her father passed away.  She danced with her uncle that she is very close to.  He also walked her down the aisle.

    I don’t see a problem with it.  Perhaps he has another close female relative he can dance with (unless his father would be offended).  Maybe instead of a dance, you could play a song that was important to him and his mother as a dedication to her?

    Post # 9
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee

    I personally would just skip it, unless it is very important to you.  The last thing you want is people murmering about how its too bad FI’s mom isn’t there, and him or your Future Father-In-Law hearing.  You could always make a point of having a dance with your father at some point during the evening (even to a special song) but not drawing a bunch of attention to it?

    With all that said, if it is important to you and your dad, and Fiance SAYS its OK, you can go for it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Well to be honest I was in the reverse situation where my dad passed away so I couldnt have the father/daughter dance and I would have been REALLY upset if my finance had the mother/son dance (they didnt but under a ton of protest from the MIL).  Though at the same time I think the father/daughter dance truely is the more traditional dance and the mother/son one is a lot more of a recent thing (I dont want to say trend but I think it is more modern) so in that case it might not even be missed if there is no mother/son dance.  However, its your wedding day and you want it to be a HAPPY day no matter what and if you really think it will upset some guests then I say skip it because the last thing you want to do it put a damper on the day.  Perhaps you could have a dance with your dad to a song you picked out with him and just not have it “announced” that way others can be on the dance floor too and it wont call as much attention to it? Just my honest opinion!

    Post # 11
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    If he’s ok with it, I’d do it. Does he have any other close female family members he can dance with? Recently a groom danced with his sister for the dance b/c their mom passed, it was really sweet.

    Post # 12
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @Georgia Bee – well said you never know what its like to go through it unless you have!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    A lot of weddings have the father/daughter dance without the daughter/son dance. No one will think anything of it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    A father/daughter dance is one of the moments my father has been looking forward to all my life (also a daddy’s girl). My FH had never even heard of a son/mother dance. I would talk to your FH and your dad.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i know my dad would be so upset if we skipped the father/daughter dance, but i’m also conflicted about what to do about the mother/son dance. FI’s mother passed away 5 years ago. he has a stepmother (his parents divorced a long time ago), but she married his dad when Fiance was in college and honestly she is closer to our age than to FFIL’s age, so we have more of a friendship relationship with her than a motherly one. i’ve really avoided the whole topic with FI–the 5 year anniversary of his mom’s death is next week and i’ve really been trying not to add any additional stress on him about it–but i don’t know if it would seem disrespectful to his mom’s memory to have him dance with his stepmom, or disrespectful to his stepmom to skip the dance altogether, or both.

    but to answer the original question, i’d say especially if your Fiance encourgaed you to do it, than you should have the father/daughter dance. since the mother/son dance is a pretty new tradition, most guests won’t even realize a mother/son dance was missing.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1774 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I was in your situation.  FH said he was fine with whatever I wanted to do.  My dad’s “song” is Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.  We boogied to that for the father/daughter dance.  It was so much fun, and that was how my dad and I always danced when I was little, so it was perfect.  Not too emotional, we had a blast, I like surprising people, and it was just “us.”

    The topic ‘Should I have a father/daugher dance when FI can’t have a mother/son dance?’ is closed to new replies.

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