- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
I have been very good friends with a guy for about 10 years. Since I’ve been married we haven’t been as close, but there definitely was a time when he considered me his best friend. I was always the one he came to for advice, especially about dating, or when he was thinking about asking someone out. We definitely had a very open and honest relationship where I could say anything to him, as a friend, and he would know that it was because I cared. He did the same for me.
We are extremely involved in our church and our relationship with God is definitely a priority in both of our lives. I’m not just saying that of him, he would 100% say the same thing. Anyway, about a year and a half ago a girl started attending our church off and on. She’s very nice but very immature. I tried to be nice to her because I wanted her to feel comfortable and welcome but she really was just such a drama queen that being good friends was impossible. Well, she decided she liked my guy friend and started following him around. He’s not “old” at all, but the vast majority of the people in our group of friends are married, so I know that he was pretty desperate. They started dating and right away (within a month) she decided she wanted to marry him. She told him she loved him (he didn’t say it back at first because he wasn’t sure) she initiated a physical relationship (he wanted to wait) and she made him back off of his involvement in the church. I know that it’s his choice and she didn’t force him to do anything, he just felt pressured and didn’t want to lose her.
By his own words, he is not happy in their relationship. They fight constantly. I know this for a fact because she rented a room in the same house as me for a couple of months and we are around each other a lot due to church and we have the same group of friends. Also, he has said that he wants to get back to being involved in the church. He’s not happy with backing out of so much. He just really is so desperate to get married that he doesn’t want to lose her.
She is extremely controlling. I have heard her, on many occasions, throw a fit like a child to get her way from him. He did not want to get engaged yet. He wanted to wait longer, but she was determined. She forced him to back out of his involvement in our church, against what he wanted. Again, I know that he could have said no. She is extremely inapropriate around other guys. She makes him extremely uncomfortable, but again, he doesn’t want to say anything because he’ll risk losing her. She dresses extremely provocatively. That’s fine if that’s what you choose, but it makes him really uncomfortable and he doesn’t feel like he can say anything. She was showing her thong in church last week and a lady very kindly told her that she might want to keep that covered and he actually went up to the lady privately and thanked her for saying something because he didn’t feel like he could.
Not one of their good friends or family thinks that they are right for eachother. We all can see it, and deep down he knows it, but he just is so desperate to get married, and he’s scared he won’t find someone else.
My question is, should I say something? I pretty much always vote no on these threads but, being his close friend, and the fact that he has often asked me for advice in relationships, I feel like it’s a little different in this situation. I was thinking of just basically saying , “Look, she’s controlling you and you don’t have to put up with that. If you really love her and want to stay with her then great, but don’t let her run the relationship.” What do you think? I just hate to see him so unhappy and I’m scared that he will go through with the wedding and wind up miserable.
Summary: I have a friend who is engaged to an extremely controlling girl. Should I say something?